Chase Away the Darkness

The second day at work wasn’t as bad as the first. I managed to make it out of the shift without any fans insulting me. Hanna and I decided while packing up the merch area that we were going to ditch the band tonight and have our own girl’s night in. When we were finished we walked across the street to this little Chinese place and ordered as much food as we could.

“It seems like we are feeding a whole army,” said Hanna as we walked back to the parking lot.

“Left overs for days,” I replied.

We spread out our entrees and sides on the eating table in front of the bus and put on the movie Tangled. Disney movies always seemed to help me escape reality. Even when I was a little girl who constantly watched her parents fight and ultimately get a divorce. It was always my remedy.

“So has Tony talked to you today?” asked Hanna. Oh no she knows.

“Huh, why would he?” I asked trying to pretend I had no idea what she was talking about. I was doing a pretty bad job at it.

“You think he would thank you for last night…Mickey why are you so jumpy?” she asked.

I’ve managed to dodge Tony all day. I didn’t want to face him. I was too scared that he might’ve managed to remember last night.

“Sorry, I guess his name still makes me sort of jumpy,” I lied.

“You’re weird Mickey,” said Hanna while rolling her eyes.

The movie was almost done and so was our food when the door knocked. Hanna looked out the window.

“Speaking of Tony, he’s outside,” said Hanna, “he’s probably here to apologize now.”

I looked outside and sure enough there he was. He took off his hat and ran his hand through his hair only to put the hat back on. Fuck. My heart started racing. I went into panic mode. Is it possible he was here to confront me? Hopefully Hanna was right and all he wanted was to thank me for taking care of him.

Before I can decide what to do Hanna took it upon herself to go and open the door.

“Hi Hanna,” I heard Tony say, “Is Mikayla here?”

“Yeah we were just watching some movies,” said Hanna, “come in.”

I hurried up and sat back down as if I wasn’t being nosey. That’s when I noticed that I was wearing my plaid pajamas and my old pierce the veil shirt. Dammit I looked like shit.

Tony came into the bus followed by Hanna.

“Hey Mickey, Tony is here,” said Hanna, “I’m going to go use the bathroom in the other bus.” I knew for a fact that it was just an excuse to leave Tony and I to talk. I didn’t want her to go. I didn’t want to face him. I heard Hanna slip out of the bus and it was just Tony and I now. Alone.

Tony approached me. He was looking down with his hands in his pocket. Obviously he was just as nervous as I was.

“Hey,” was all I could say.

He didn’t say anything back. He was more preoccupied with the floor.

“Did you want to talk to me or something?” I asked.

“Yeah, um…I just wanted to thank you for last night. Dave told me you took care of me,” said Tony. He still made no eye contact.

“You mean you don’t remember any of it?” I asked hopefully.

“No I don’t, I was pretty fucked up, I’m sorry I had to put you through that. It was embarrassing,” he said.

Thank goodness he didn’t remember. I sighed in relief.

“Oh, it’s okay it happens to everyone,” I said.

“Okay well either way thanks, I’ll see you later Mikayla,” he said still not looking at me.

“Okay later,” I said.

He began walking away. Just when I thought I got away with it he stopped in his tracks turned around and stared straight at me.

“Actually I lied,” he said.

No this can’t be happening.

“I remember a bit from yesterday,” he said.

“What do you mean?” I asked playing stupid. There’s no way Tony can know, I won’t be able to handle it.

“I think you know exactly what I mean, we kissed Mikayla,” he said while turning red.

I don’t know why but I became defensive.

“Correction you kissed me,” I said.

“So does that mean you didn’t like it because as I can recall you kissed back!” he asked. I couldn’t tell what his current emotion state was…hurt?

Hell the fuck yes I did! But he can’t know that.

“I…,” I began, but nothing came out.

“Just forget about it, save it,” he said becoming angry.

Oh no he is not going to turn this around on me. My latina side came out. I got up from my seat and got in his face.

“You’re the one who got drunk, you’re the one that kissed me! You had to go and complicate everything!” I yelled.

“…and what exactly did I complicate?” he asked. He was yelling at me now too.

We were both fuming with anger now. I can’t believe this conversation went from civil to us screaming at each other.

Just then I get a flashback. Sam yelling at me. I can’t remember what the argument was about but it was one of the worst. He raised his hand at me and then the flashback ended. This was not going to happen again. I wasn’t going to let myself.

“I think it’s time for you to leave Tony. You can walk yourself out. Last night never happened. Have a nice night.” I said. He glared at me before he walked himself out of the bus.

At the moment I knew exactly what I had to do. I went to the back of the bus and started packing. I’m getting the first bus or plane ticket out of here. I should’ve never came on tour. I knew this was a bad idea. I should have just stayed my ass home. Right when I was almost done Hanna walked in.

“What the fuck happened?” asked Hanna, “why did I just see Tony outside screaming and cursing his head off?”

It took her a few seconds to scan the area around her and realize what was going on.

“Going somewhere?” she asked.

“ I can’t stay here anymore Hanna,” I said.

“You haven’t even been on tour for a week and you’re giving up just like that?” she asked.

I didn’t answer her. She was making me feel like a coward now.

“How about you stop packing and tell me what’s going on?” she asked

I stopped what I was doing. I confessed to Hanna what really happened last night and what just happened a few minutes ago. Her face held no emotion. It was scarier than her being mad at me.

“I tried Hanna I really did but Dave put me in a big predicament yesterday. I’m making a mess out of everything.” I said defending myself.

“I guess I understand everything…but Mickey you can’t leave because if you do I have to leave too. You’re my best friend; we’re in this together. You can’t let any of this get to you. I know I’ve been giving you shit about Tony, but it’s not really your fault what happened last night. We can’t really leave now, we promised the band we would help,” said Hanna.

She was right. Leaving would make things just as worse.

“I really liked that kiss Hanna, it scares me,” I said honestly.

“I know,” she said, “How about we wait until the Irvine show. If you feel like you still need to leave then we will. At least then we’ll be closer to home and we can cause less of a scene if we do. Deal?”

“Okay,” I agreed.

Hanna helped me reorganize my belongings neatly around the little room like we had it and we went to bed.

That night I had a dream. I had long flowy hair. Sam was pulling hard on it. And Tony was climbing up a tall tower to save me.