The Worst Choice

I sat at the table in the kitchen, watching through the doorway as Nash and Eric spoke with each other. Well, more so Eric spoke while Nash listened. But I couldn't get over how happy Nash actually looked. Don't get me wrong, I knew he was excited- beyond what he was showing- but I wasn't prepared to see this much happiness. And I couldn't see Eric's face, but the excitement lacing his voice was a clear indication that he was utterly happy with Nash's presence. The whole thing just brought a smile to my lips.

"Eric hasn't been able to stop talking about you guys visiting since he found out about it," Carrie said, placing a cup of iced tea in front of me.

I thanked her, taking a sip of the beverage. "I'm glad," I said. "He hasn't shown it too much, but I could tell he was excited to see him. To see you both."

She laughed. "Well, you know how men can be. Can't show their feelings too much," she said, waving her hand dismissively. "Load of bull, if you ask me."

I laughed. "Definitely," I said.

"How has he been, really?" Carrie asked with her voice lowered a bit. "I know he isn't going to tell me the full truth so he won't worry me, but I can't help it. I always told Destiny that that man's temper made me uneasy, but she was too blinded by love to notice."

"You're Nash's aunt from his mom's side?" I asked, only assuming Destiny was his mother. He'd never told me her name or said much about her other than her death- which must've been hard enough as is, so I never pressed for details.

"Of course," she said, scoffing. "Dear, if I was related to Jim then I would've jumped off a cliff by now." So Jim is his dad's name.

I chuckled before I remembered I never answered her original question. I wasn't sure what Nash wanted me to tell her exactly, due to the fact he'd blatantly lied to her face earlier and even went through the trouble of having me put makeup on his to cover the injuries that hadn't faded enough, but the concern in her voice made me feel bad for merely thinking about lying to her. "I don't think things are as bad as they were," I answered, finally settling on an answer. I figured it was a safe enough line of not lying and not saying too much.

She sighed, clearly not satisfied with my report. "I was hoping for something more along the lines of 'he's completely changed his ways and everything is perfectly dandy'." I gave her a weak smile, not knowing anything else to respond to that. "What Nash is doing is both admirable and idiotic. It proves that he's strong. But there's no way he's as strong as he's trying to be. It's a lot for somebody to deal with- much less dealing with it at eighteen."

"I've tried getting him to change his mind," I said. "So many times I've tried getting him to move here- regardless of what'll happen to us if he does. But he doesn't. He thinks that Eric's life will be in danger if he leaves."

"He thinks way too much of his father," she said in a disapproving tone. "Jim is not a smart man at all. Sure, he's lucky, but not lucky enough to beat the system. All Nash has got to do is report his father and Eric will no longer be in his custody. Family is at better chance of getting custody of strangers and even if they may not give Eric to me, there is only family involved on my side. He'll be in safe hands. Nash is just too paranoid."

Nash.

"You'll be here when I wake up, right?" Eric asked me that night, his blue eyes wide with hope.

"Of course I will," I assured him. "Now, the sooner you go to sleep, the earlier you wake up tomorrow. We can spend time together and you can meet Ashlyn properly." I chuckled. We'd been here for nearly three hours and Ashlyn and Eric hadn't been introduced to each other face to face.

"Oh, yeah," he yawned, sleepiness filling his voice. "I forgot she came. Night Nashy, I love you."

My heart clenched and my throat tightened. "I love you too, bud," I said, the words sounding foreign coming from my lips. "Goodnight."

I walked out of his room slowly, taking a deep breath as I felt my chest tighten along with my throat. My eyes burned as I recalled the night. I hurried to the guest room, shutting the door quietly as I noted Ashlyn was still downstairs with Carrie. I dropped onto the bed, my head falling into my hands.

Eric was nine years old. It'd been nearly seven years of his life that I'd missed out on. Nearly seven years of only speaking on the phone. So much had happened in that time and Eric was growing up without me and mom. And it was all my fault.

He was into soccer and from what him and Carrie have said, he's pretty dedicated about it already. He was actually good at that sport from years of practice. Years of practice that I'd missed out on.

He had a girlfriend. Granted, it wasn't serious or anything and it was the girl he'd spilled milk on in the school/daycare that Carrie signed him up for over the summer, but still. He was interested in girls now. The last I remembered, Eric was telling him how gross girls were and how classes should be divided by girls and boys.

The more I thought about everything I was going to miss out on for the next nine years, my eyes burned with more tears. This time in two days I'll be gone again for God only knows how long.

Before I knew it- no matter how hard I tried to fight it or convinced myself it was stupid- I was letting tears fall freely and my breath was shortened.

I was breaking.

Ashlyn.

"I should be heading to bed," Carrie announced, grabbing the cups from the table and setting them in the sink. "I can only imagine how early Eric will be making everyone wake up tomorrow morning."

I laughed. "Right," I said. "Well, thanks for the conversation. I'd feel like an annoying third wheel if I was sitting in on Nash and Eric's little reunion."

"No problem, it was nice," she said giving me a soft smile. "You two are good for each other, you and Nash. You make him happy and he makes you happy. Who knows, maybe you'll save him."

I smiled. "Thanks," I said. After bidding me a goodnight, she disappeared upstairs to her room.

Yawning, I stood up and made my way upstairs. When I made it in front of the door Carrie explained where me and Nash were sleeping, I paused at the noise. The sound was muffled, of course, but it sounded almost as if... somebody were crying. Maybe Eric had come into the room after he was put to bed? I didn't mind sleeping on the couch at all, but I did need to change. Maybe I could hurry in and out without either of them really noticing me.

I slowly opened the door, quietly stepping inside. My eyes widened when I saw it wasn't Eric crying- Eric wasn't even in the room- it was Nash. Nash was crying. And not the way he did in the hospital when he'd told me what happened with his mom, he was literally sobbing. It seemed as if he was experiencing going through he death all over again. "Nash?" I asked, shutting the door before hurrying to sit next to him. "Baby, what's wrong?"

He didn't answer- not that I really expected him to- so I took it as he didn't want to talk. It looked like he was trying to stop crying as he continuously wiped his eyes furiously, but he kept failing miserably.

So I just pulled him closer, hugging him as he cried into my shoulder.