The Worst Choice

"Jesus fucking Christ," Nash mumbled after a few minutes, pushing away from me and standing up, facing away from me as he pressed his palms into his eyes, breathing slowly.

"Nash, what's wrong?" I repeated.

"Nothing," he mumbled, sniffling. "Everything's fucking fine." He scoffed before walking toward the door. I rushed to him, nearly tripping over my own feet as I did so, pushing myself against the door before he could open the door. "Move."

"No, because you need to tell me what's wrong," I said sternly.

"Ashlyn, please," he all but begged. I almost caved at the desperation and pleading in his voice, but I somehow managed to stand my ground.

"You were crying." He visibly cringed. "You cried like something awful happened, and I don't even have the slightest clue as to what could've happened. You seemed so happy to be coming here; what changed?"

"Nothing changed," he said, an edge now in his voice. "I just need you to fucking-" He stopped his words, taking deep breaths as if to keep him from losing his cool again, only this time in a more angry way.

"Not here," I said quietly. "Eric is just a few rooms over and if you yell, he'll wake up. And you don't want him to see you like this."

"I don't want you seeing me like this either!" he said as he walked back and dropped onto the bed, resting his elbows on his knees and pressing his palms into his eyes.

I slowly followed him, sitting next to him. "What happened?" I asked for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Everything," he finally answered, looking at me with an exhausted look in his eyes. "Everything happened. And you know what? I didn't see any of it. I didn't see a fucking thing of it because of what I got Eric into. And I can't change it. I'll be gone Sunday and Eric will be here, doing more things I'll miss out on."

Now I was confused. "Because of what you got Eric into?" I repeated. "What'd you get Eric into, exactly?"

"This!" He gestured around with his arms, but that didn't fix my confusion. He must've seen my confusion because he continued. "He doesn't have a mom because of me! I couldn't get to her on time and now he's stuck with this. Don't get me wrong, Carrie's great and Eric loves her. But he deserves more than his aunt taking care of him. He deserves his own mom to raise him. I was able to have her around to raise him, why the fuck does he not get to?"

I stared at him with wide eyes, trying to process everything his saying. "Nash, you need to understand," I started slowly. "Your mom's death wasn't your fault. Your mom being around for you and not Eric is not your fault. It's your dad's and your dad's only."

"Then why do I feel guilty, Ash?" he asked, shaking his head. "I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make anything better."

"You're doing everything you can do." Except get yourself out of that house and away from that monster. "Your life revolves around Eric and I can't imagine how hard it must be to give up everything for somebody."

He stared at me after that, a look in his eyes I couldn't describe. I wanted to know why he was staring at me, but the way he was looking at me... I liked it. It made me feel comfortable. "I think we should go to bed," he said in an off tone, breaking eye contact. He stood up and pulled his shirt off.

I snapped out of my trance as he started unbuttoning his jeans. "Um... okay," I said, slightly confused. I felt like I'd said something wrong... but I didn't say anything. Shaking my head, I stood up and went over to my bag, searching for clothes to sleep in. Carrie and I had gotten the bags, much to Nash's distaste. He wanted to get them- or at least help-, but I could tell he didn't want to put a hold on his and Eric's conversation.

Deciding I didn't feel going to the bathroom to change, I quickly stripped myself of the shorts and shirt I was wearing and pulled on pajama shorts and a white t-shirt. I slid into bed next to Nash, who pulled me against his chest. "Thank you, Ashlyn," he whispered, his breath fanning the back of my neck causing me to shiver.

I wasn't sure what he was thanking me for, so I just smiled and squeezed his hand that was across my waist. "Goodnight, Nash," I whispered back.



I woke up the next morning, alone in the bed. I looked over at Nash's things and saw even more clothes sprawled out around it, causing me to chuckle. He's worse than I am. I checked the time on my phone and my eye widened in shock. It's already noon?! I frowned, throwing off the blanket and wondering why the hell Nash didn't wake me up sooner. I already felt rude for sleeping in so late, so I couldn't take a shower.

I hurried to my duffle bag, pulling out a pair of shorts and a loose blue tank top. I went into the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. I dragged a brush through my hair quickly before shoving my things back into the duffle bag and heading downstairs. Nash and Eric were in the living room, sitting on the floor on either side of the coffee table with Pokémon cards sprawled all over it. "Morning," I said, their heads snapping toward me.

Nash looked at me with the same weird look in his eyes from last night before he cleared his throat and looked away while Eric giggled. "It's not morning anymore, it's afternoon," he corrected me.

I laughed lightly. "You're right, it is," I said, walking over to the couch and folding my legs underneath me. I looked at Nash. "Why didn't anybody wake me up?"

"I figured you'd wake up earlier, since we didn't go to sleep that late," Nash answered, messing with the cards on the table to avoid my gaze.

I nodded slowly, my mouth forming an 'O'. "Oh. Okay," I said. I couldn't sleep last night for some reason. I was tired as anything but I couldn't stop thinking about Nash. I definitely needed to convince him to move out of his dad's, especially after last night. He needed to be here. "Where's Carrie?"

"She’s upstairs getting ready!" Eric informed me excitedly. "She's taking us to-"

"You boys ready?" Carrie asked, walking down the steps. Her eyes fell on me and her smile widened. "Oh, Ashlyn. Are you coming with us? Nash said you weren't feeling well and you were taking a nap."

I shot a confused look toward Nash- who still wouldn't look at me and wouldn't say anything. "Actually, I still feel bad," I answered her quietly, only half-lying to her. My stomach did start to feel a bit off. "I just came down for something to drink."

"Well, there's chicken soup in the pantry. I don't have any ginger ale, but we'll pick up some on the way back. I left my number on the fridge, in case you need anything else," she explained.

"Alright, thanks." I forced a smile at her.

"Okay, you guys ready to go?" Carrie asked. Carrie and Eric both said goodbye to me.

Nash just walked out, without a word.