The Worst Choice

Nash.

I couldn't shake off the look Ashlyn gave me back at the house. She looked so confused and... hurt. But I didn't know what to say to her. I was so confused that I couldn't talk to her- or even look at her too long- because I didn't want to blurt anything out before I got my head straight. And I'd been trying to all morning but nothing seemed to work. "Hey, Carrie," I said, watching Eric gaze at the pandas in amazement, waving frantically to get their attention so he could snap a picture with his small disposable camera. "I'm gonna go smoke real quick. Tell Eric I'll be right back."

"Sure," she said, nodding. "We'll either be here or at the lions."

I nodded before walking toward the smoking area. I'd already had my cigarette and lighter in my hand, anxiously messing with them. I needed something to help me chill and while I knew a simple cigarette wouldn't do much- weed or alcohol would calm me down much better- I couldn't. I was trying to stay away from that. I needed to stay away from that.

When I got to the small gazebo, I dropped to the bench and immediately lit my cigarette, inhaling. I was right; it wasn't helping very much. I stretched my legs across the bench, leaning against the railing as I watched everybody. Everybody seemed so happy and problem free.

"Nash fucking Carter at a zoo. Wow."

I turned and saw a blonde haired girl and immediately recognized her. Her sandy blonde hair was now longer, reaching to the middle of her back and she was tanner than I remembered, but her innocent-looking face made her completely familiar. "Makes more sense for me to be here than you. Why are you here?" I asked her. She only lived about 20 minutes away from my house and she's all the way down here?

Marley shrugged, pushing my feet off the bench and taking a seat. "Jesse's meeting with a couple friends here," she answered.

"A drug deal? At a zoo?" I asked in disbelief. "God that kid is retarded."

"Fuck off," she said, rolling her eyes. I decided not to comment on how big her pupils were. I held out my pack of cigarettes, offering her one. She declined. "I don't smoke cigarettes."

"Not hard enough for you?" I guessed.

"Dawson would kick your ass if he knew you were being such a dick to me," she pointed out jokingly, playing with the frayed end of her shorts. Dawson was her older, adoptive brother. And he was a big guy who wouldn't stand for anybody giving Marley- or any of his foster siblings, for that matter- shit.

"He doesn't like your drug use anyhow; he wouldn't mind me giving you shit for that. Or for Jesse, because nobody likes Jesse," I said.

"Anyway," she said sharply. "Where have you been? When I moved down here back in June, you were at every party. I haven't seen you in a few months."

I shrugged. "I found more productive things to do," I said.

"'Productive'?" she echoed. "Wow, big word for you." I rolled my eyes. "My bad, sorry. What more productive things have you found, Nash?"

"More productive things than you're doing, Marley, that's for sure," I said. She didn't say anything, just blinked. "I met a girl."

She let out a low whistle. "A girl? You let a girl change you?" she asked. "Who the hell are you and where did Nash go?"

I ignored her. "She's helping me get my priorities straight," I said, shrugging. "You should try it sometime."

"Ah, maybe next year," she said. "Who is she?"

"Ashlyn Munro."

"Never heard of her."

"Didn't think so," I said. "She's upper class."

Marley raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you saying that I'm not classy?" she asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying," I deadpanned.

"So do you love her?" she asked me, tilting her head to the side.

"Who?" I asked, only half paying attention to the girl in front of me.

"Ashley," she said in a 'duh' tone.

"Ashlyn," I corrected.

"Same difference," she said dismissively. "Do you love Ashlyn?"

I shrugged. "I haven't really known her that long," I said.

"So?" she said. "I've known Jesse since the day that I moved here and I know I don't love him."

"Then why are you with him?" I countered, narrowing my eyes at her.

"That's another story for a different day," she said, picking at her chipped black nail polish. "My point is she can't be just another girl for you to do a complete one-eighty to your lifestyle."

"I gotta go find my aunt and brother," I said, ignoring her last comment. I took one last drag of my cigarette before putting it out.

"Denial," she chuckled, shaking her head.

"Come talk to me about relationships when you've got a functioning one, alright?" I said. I knew I was kind of being a dick, but I just wasn't in the mood and Marley had no fucking clue what she was talking about.

She clicked her tongue, standing up and adjusting her dark blue flannel shirt. "Goodbye, Nash," she said. "It was lovely seeing you."

I watched her walk away, only feeling partially guilty. She was with a guy just because he gave her free drugs, in return for sex whenever- she had no room to talk to me about relationships.

Taking a deep breath, I walked away, looking for my brother and aunt, trying to blank out any thoughts of Ashlyn.