Light up the Sky
000; Prologue
I sighed to myself as I made my way towards the school, my brother Gerard trailing hot on my tail. It was like this every morning; he would try and talk to me, try and get me to open up to him but I couldn’t. It wasn’t that I didn’t like him, it wasn’t because I didn’t love him – quite the opposite actually, I loved him so much that I couldn’t tell him, I didn’t want him to end up rejecting me.
I don’t mean love as in… love, love. That’s just gross, I’m not in love with my brother, but I love him in a brotherly way – in the way any sibling should love their siblings.
“Mikey, come on. You never tell me anything…” Gerard whined.
It was true, I told him nothing and I wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t need to know anything about the lifestyle I had chosen. He didn’t need to know that he was one of my only friends, he didn’t need to know that all of the times I sat up in my room alone I was doing things that no person should do. It wasn’t right and I knew that, but what could I do about it? I was wrong.
I shook my head at him, well, I think it was him. He was behind me as I was picking my pace up to get to the school and sit in lessons all day, listening to teachers drone on about nothing that was of any interest to me. It didn’t matter what I learnt, I didn’t have a chosen career and I didn’t have any idea what I wanted to be. Well, I didn’t want to be anything. I knew what was going to happen with my life and I was fine with it, that way I would have myself to myself and I would have no one to trust. I would have no one to trust, no one to love, and no one to break my puny little heart. My life was set; I was going to live alone. The way I planned.
“Mikey, come on! I’m your brother,” he was trying to play the guilt trip on me. I knew it because it was working. He was making me feel guilty that I wasn’t telling him my problems – he was my older brother and I should be telling him things. But I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, and I’m not going to. No amount of guilt will make me.
He had caught up with me, I was a faster walker than he will probably ever be so he was jogging along side me as I power walked. I never understood why Gerard couldn’t walk this fast, I mean, he was more in shape then I will ever be and he had strong and muscular legs - I don’t mean that I check my brother’s legs out, I’ve already said that I do not like my brother in that way.
I ignored him the rest of the way to school; it was always on that walk that he would bug me with questions. He didn’t drive to school because he knew that I would never get in the car with him and this was his chance to ask me. But he should know by now that I will never answer him and if I do it’s only a shake of my head – he doesn’t need to know what’s going on with me, he doesn’t need to know why I spend my life in my room. He doesn’t need to know why I take my food upstairs; he doesn’t need to know that I only have two friends, one being him.
I don’t mean love as in… love, love. That’s just gross, I’m not in love with my brother, but I love him in a brotherly way – in the way any sibling should love their siblings.
“Mikey, come on. You never tell me anything…” Gerard whined.
It was true, I told him nothing and I wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t need to know anything about the lifestyle I had chosen. He didn’t need to know that he was one of my only friends, he didn’t need to know that all of the times I sat up in my room alone I was doing things that no person should do. It wasn’t right and I knew that, but what could I do about it? I was wrong.
I shook my head at him, well, I think it was him. He was behind me as I was picking my pace up to get to the school and sit in lessons all day, listening to teachers drone on about nothing that was of any interest to me. It didn’t matter what I learnt, I didn’t have a chosen career and I didn’t have any idea what I wanted to be. Well, I didn’t want to be anything. I knew what was going to happen with my life and I was fine with it, that way I would have myself to myself and I would have no one to trust. I would have no one to trust, no one to love, and no one to break my puny little heart. My life was set; I was going to live alone. The way I planned.
“Mikey, come on! I’m your brother,” he was trying to play the guilt trip on me. I knew it because it was working. He was making me feel guilty that I wasn’t telling him my problems – he was my older brother and I should be telling him things. But I couldn’t, I shouldn’t, and I’m not going to. No amount of guilt will make me.
He had caught up with me, I was a faster walker than he will probably ever be so he was jogging along side me as I power walked. I never understood why Gerard couldn’t walk this fast, I mean, he was more in shape then I will ever be and he had strong and muscular legs - I don’t mean that I check my brother’s legs out, I’ve already said that I do not like my brother in that way.
I ignored him the rest of the way to school; it was always on that walk that he would bug me with questions. He didn’t drive to school because he knew that I would never get in the car with him and this was his chance to ask me. But he should know by now that I will never answer him and if I do it’s only a shake of my head – he doesn’t need to know what’s going on with me, he doesn’t need to know why I spend my life in my room. He doesn’t need to know why I take my food upstairs; he doesn’t need to know that I only have two friends, one being him.
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