Light up the Sky

“Mikey…” I didn’t even bother correcting him, I was too angry at what he had just done. I hated the fact that he had tricked me into that, I hated how he now knew everything that I had managed to hide from him over the years. I hated him. I hated him, hated him, hated him. He was horrible and he didn’t deserve to be called my brother. “I think you need to get some help…”

No, I did not need help and I didn’t want it. There was nothing wrong with me – I was just trying to numb myself from the world. What was so wrong with that? I wanted my parents to hate me to teach me what it’s like. I wanted my brother to go away to teach me that it’s okay. I wanted no one to talk to me to teach me that I didn’t need them. I wanted to not eat because fatty me deserved that.

I shook my head at Gerard, telling him that I didn’t need help and I certainly did not want it. Help was the last thing I needed and the last thing I wanted – if I was going to become numb to everything then I was not going to get help to start feeling again.

“Why don’t you want help?” Gerard asked cautiously.

I stared at him for a few seconds before answering, “because… because I don’t need it.”

--

It had taken a lot of persuasion, a lot of tears and a lot of fights for Gerard to get me even this close to the hospital. He called it a hospital to try and hide the fact that he was putting me into a Mental Institution – I knew he was doing that. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out. It was an Asylum, if you will.

I got out of Gerard’s car, I had managed to convince Gerard not to call the police on Mom and Dad as I didn’t want him to be alone – I knew that neither Mom nor Dad would touch Gerard, not now that he knew and was perfectly willing to call the Police if they ever did do anything.

Of course, Mom and Dad refused to pay for me to go to this ‘Hospital’ so Gerard had taken all of the money out of his savings account. I had put up a pretty big fight for that, he didn’t need to spend his money on me and he shouldn’t. I didn’t want him to – I didn’t want to be here and it was a waste of money. A waste of a lot of fucking money.

Gerard killed the engine and got out of the drivers door, walking around to my side. I unclicked my seat belt and opened my own door, taking a step cautiously out. I didn’t want to fall into Gerard and knock him down with all of my fat. Luckily, I didn’t and he stood in front of me; waiting for me to get out of the car so he could take me up to the ‘Hospital’.

I looked up at it and realized just how big it was, there were three stories, the walls were white, and it must be able to fit at least the whole school in it twice over – our school being able to hold one thousand people. Standing at the entrance were three doctors, two male and one female - all dressed in a white over coat, the kind you get in a Science lesson when you do an experiment.

I looked up at Gerard, begging him with my eyes to not make me go. He just ignored my wishes and took me by the arm – nearly dragging me up the stone steps towards the three doctors. I stood there, not having the courage nor the strength to do or say anything. I shouldn’t be here, I didn’t need it.

“Erm…” Gerard started, looking like he was at a loss for words of what to say to the doctors. “This is my brother… Michael Way…”

“Yes,” The female doctor replied, a fake smile playing on her face. “I’m Doctor Rossel, and this here is Doctor McDonnell and Doctor Joshi.”

I didn’t nod, but continued to stare at her before her and the other doctors led Gerard and I into the main reception. My bet was that the other two doctors were there in case things may happen to get out of hand, which they won’t – I don’t want to waste Gerard’s money that was. I was going to go without a fuss, but I was going to go silently wishing that everyone around me would just die.

Doctor Rossel sat Gerard and I down in the main reception as she wandered off to go behind the main desk, leaving Gerard, me and the other two doctors for a few seconds before she came hurrying back with a file.

“So, Gerard tells me that you cut, you’re anorexic and you think that you need to be numb to everything,” She looked up from her file and I stared in shock – my glance falling from Doctor Rossel and to Gerard, back and forth, back and forth.

I glared at him – how dare he! I was not anorexic. I cut myself so that everything I did wrong that day would be… fixed and I needed to be numb so that I could let no one else hurt me. How dare he!

“I’m not anorexic,” I snarled.

Doctor Rossel pursed her lips and I could tell that she was biting the inside of her cheeks. “Mikey… can I call you that?” I shook my head, no she could not! “Okay, Michael then. By the looks of things… from what your bother has told us, you are anorexic. Denial is the first stage to over coming this. You just need to admit it to yourself first.”

I glared at her, there was nothing to deny! I was not fucking anorexic.
I was not anorexic.
Was not anorexic.
Not anorexic.
I just wasn’t!