Light up the Sky
010; Revolting
Gerard was gone now and Doctor Rossel was leading me towards the room I would be staying with. I still couldn’t get over the fact that Gerard said I was anorexic, that he even thought I was anorexic! He was completely out of line and completely clueless to anything.
We passed under the ‘Adolescent Ward’ sign and up a flight of stairs, I tried my hardest to keep up with the Doctor but the amount of fat that hung off of my body left me feeling tired and weak. She slowed down to walk at the same pace as me and we eventually got to the top of the stairs.
She led me down the corridor telling me about my roommate, “You will be staying with a boy named Frank Iero. He’s been here for around two months now and will probably be here for quite a while to come. He’s anorexic, he’s self harmed and he hates the world. The only difference between you too is that he believes the self harming will make him feel pain – which is what he wants. Whereas you, on the other hand, are doing it to try and make yourself numb. You’re similar people and I’m sure you’ll get along just great.”
I had no time to ask any questions before she knocked on a door number 483 and I sighed to myself, I had never allowed myself to talk to anyone, let alone share a room with someone. The door swung open and a short and tiny boy stood there. His body was absolutely minuscule; you could tell that all of his bones were poking out through the top he wore and the fact that his cheek bones were so prominent. He had dark circles under his eyes, which were probably from lack of sleep and food and his hair was matted and crusty looking. It was obvious that he hadn’t showered for a while. I grimaced, I was going to be stuck with this?
He had tiny pin pricks on the right side of his nose and left side of his mouth, probably from nose and lip piercings and holes in each ear, again, probably for piercings. His hair was dyed black but his hair was growing back, revealing his dark brown roots. I stared at him in shock, I was absolutely nothing like this boy – how could she say that!
For starters, I was fat. This Frank boy was the tiniest thing I had ever seen in my life and I didn’t understand how he could believe otherwise. I could practically see his collar bones and ribs through his top. He looked worn out and worn down, unlike me who slept way too much for my own good. I didn’t understand how we could be put in the same room, this boy was revolting.
“Frank, this is Michael Way. You’re new roommate,” Doctor Rossel informed Frank.
His lips stayed in a straight line and he merely nodded at her, his eyes falling shut slightly and he snapped them back open. Shaking his head to try and stay awake.
“Michael, this is Frank Iero. You’re roommate,” she turned to me. I nodded my head at her, like Frank never smiling. I looked up at her, pleading with her to let me change rooms. I didn’t want to stay in the same room as this Frank boy, he looked positively sickly.
I mentally cursed myself, telling myself that I was being pathetic and I was being horrible. I would be getting some form of punishment if I stayed in this room and wasn’t that what I wanted? If I became numb to sharing a room with Frank, numb to this boy then I would still be carrying on on my way to being numb altogether.
She left us to talk, to become friends. I sat on my bed and he sat on his, neither of us saying anything but just staring at each other. I don’t know what it was but it felt like he was mentally undressing me with his eyes. I tried my hardest to cover my body up – but not knowing how to without having to move my arms and make it obvious that I thought he was up to something.
I coughed, trying to break the awkward silence between us and his eyes snapped up to meet mine. I couldn’t keep eye contact for long, something I’d never been very good at, and I looked at the pin pricks on his face.
“So…” he started in a weak and droned voice.
“So…” I replied.
We continued to stare at each other, neither of us knowing what to do or what to say. What was there to do? We were both in a Mental Hospital.
“What do you do in this place?” I asked first after what seemed like hours of silence.
He thought for a minute, biting on the place where his lip ring (if that was what the pin prick was for) would be and he cocked his head to the side.
“Well… it’s like a school, but with counseling on the side. Well, no. It’s like counseling with school on the side. No, it’s not. It’s school and counseling. No, no it’s not. It’s not either of them,” he was babbling on, having a battle with himself and I stared at him in shock.
It was obvious just how insecure he was and how little confidence he had. He didn’t have a clue how to talk to someone and he was still rambling on about whether it was a school with counseling, counseling with a school or a mix of both – he couldn’t figure it out. I decided it would be mean to let him keep on fighting himself, as funny as it was, and I stopped him.
“Frank, it’s okay.” I cut him off and he looked up at me.
His dark eyes looking up at me, no smile or any form of acknowledgement toying on his lips – he kept them dead straight after he stopped talking. I nodded my head slightly, almost asking him to say something more and when he didn’t I sighed to myself. I didn’t know what Gerard had gotten me into and I didn’t want to know.
We passed under the ‘Adolescent Ward’ sign and up a flight of stairs, I tried my hardest to keep up with the Doctor but the amount of fat that hung off of my body left me feeling tired and weak. She slowed down to walk at the same pace as me and we eventually got to the top of the stairs.
She led me down the corridor telling me about my roommate, “You will be staying with a boy named Frank Iero. He’s been here for around two months now and will probably be here for quite a while to come. He’s anorexic, he’s self harmed and he hates the world. The only difference between you too is that he believes the self harming will make him feel pain – which is what he wants. Whereas you, on the other hand, are doing it to try and make yourself numb. You’re similar people and I’m sure you’ll get along just great.”
I had no time to ask any questions before she knocked on a door number 483 and I sighed to myself, I had never allowed myself to talk to anyone, let alone share a room with someone. The door swung open and a short and tiny boy stood there. His body was absolutely minuscule; you could tell that all of his bones were poking out through the top he wore and the fact that his cheek bones were so prominent. He had dark circles under his eyes, which were probably from lack of sleep and food and his hair was matted and crusty looking. It was obvious that he hadn’t showered for a while. I grimaced, I was going to be stuck with this?
He had tiny pin pricks on the right side of his nose and left side of his mouth, probably from nose and lip piercings and holes in each ear, again, probably for piercings. His hair was dyed black but his hair was growing back, revealing his dark brown roots. I stared at him in shock, I was absolutely nothing like this boy – how could she say that!
For starters, I was fat. This Frank boy was the tiniest thing I had ever seen in my life and I didn’t understand how he could believe otherwise. I could practically see his collar bones and ribs through his top. He looked worn out and worn down, unlike me who slept way too much for my own good. I didn’t understand how we could be put in the same room, this boy was revolting.
“Frank, this is Michael Way. You’re new roommate,” Doctor Rossel informed Frank.
His lips stayed in a straight line and he merely nodded at her, his eyes falling shut slightly and he snapped them back open. Shaking his head to try and stay awake.
“Michael, this is Frank Iero. You’re roommate,” she turned to me. I nodded my head at her, like Frank never smiling. I looked up at her, pleading with her to let me change rooms. I didn’t want to stay in the same room as this Frank boy, he looked positively sickly.
I mentally cursed myself, telling myself that I was being pathetic and I was being horrible. I would be getting some form of punishment if I stayed in this room and wasn’t that what I wanted? If I became numb to sharing a room with Frank, numb to this boy then I would still be carrying on on my way to being numb altogether.
She left us to talk, to become friends. I sat on my bed and he sat on his, neither of us saying anything but just staring at each other. I don’t know what it was but it felt like he was mentally undressing me with his eyes. I tried my hardest to cover my body up – but not knowing how to without having to move my arms and make it obvious that I thought he was up to something.
I coughed, trying to break the awkward silence between us and his eyes snapped up to meet mine. I couldn’t keep eye contact for long, something I’d never been very good at, and I looked at the pin pricks on his face.
“So…” he started in a weak and droned voice.
“So…” I replied.
We continued to stare at each other, neither of us knowing what to do or what to say. What was there to do? We were both in a Mental Hospital.
“What do you do in this place?” I asked first after what seemed like hours of silence.
He thought for a minute, biting on the place where his lip ring (if that was what the pin prick was for) would be and he cocked his head to the side.
“Well… it’s like a school, but with counseling on the side. Well, no. It’s like counseling with school on the side. No, it’s not. It’s school and counseling. No, no it’s not. It’s not either of them,” he was babbling on, having a battle with himself and I stared at him in shock.
It was obvious just how insecure he was and how little confidence he had. He didn’t have a clue how to talk to someone and he was still rambling on about whether it was a school with counseling, counseling with a school or a mix of both – he couldn’t figure it out. I decided it would be mean to let him keep on fighting himself, as funny as it was, and I stopped him.
“Frank, it’s okay.” I cut him off and he looked up at me.
His dark eyes looking up at me, no smile or any form of acknowledgement toying on his lips – he kept them dead straight after he stopped talking. I nodded my head slightly, almost asking him to say something more and when he didn’t I sighed to myself. I didn’t know what Gerard had gotten me into and I didn’t want to know.