Pool of Emotion

Consciousness slowly came back to me, and when it did, I wish that it wouldn't. Pain surged through me, making it hard to think, to remeber what had happened. But only one thing could have caused this.

Anger raced through me. I usually had perfect control. I hadn't lost it like like in a long time.

I looked around me, realising that I was in a study of somesort. Most likely Carlisles. I did a short analization of my body, to see how many bones I had broke. It felt like only two ribs and my arm. That was much better than the wounds I sustained last time.

Silently I got up, careful not to jar my sore bones in any way, and walked down the stairs to see everyone waiting for me. It looks like I have some explaining to do.

"Yes, that would be correct." Edward answered my unspoken thought.

Mindreader? I questioned in my head. he nodded.

I sighed, "I'm sorry, about...that. It happens sometimes when I feel a stong emotion, and I'm not paying attention." I didn't look at anyone.

"What was "that"?" Jasper asked, a look of horror on his face. I had forgotten he could feel emotions. He probably felt my pain. Again Edward nodded.

Again, I sighed, "I am a shapeshifter, as you know." They nodded, "But I can not shift. Not anymore." I said sadly.

"What do you mean?" Esme asked, worry on her face.

"It's a long story."

"We have plenty of time." Carlisle said gently.

Maybe this is what I needed. To talk about it. I had never once spoken to anyone about what happened that night. I didn't know why, but I felt safe confiding in these people. My friends. So I began.

"It was five months ago, almost six now, I guess. I just finished my shift of patroling my packs territory. Everything was peaceful. It was perfect even. My dad wanted to go hiking in the forest next to our home. He was from here, from the Quilette reservation, he loved the forest. I went with him, as I often did, to watch his back, him being rather old and completely human. As everyone knows, the forest can be a rather dangerous place.

"Now before I go any further, I want you to understand that my pack is not like the one here. We always befriended vampires, rather than fight them. Fighting wasn't our way. We prefered to preserve all forms of life. But there is always that one that didn't want to talk about peace. The one that only wanted blood, and killed anything that got in the way.

"We were the lucky ones to meet that one vampire as we were hiking. He jumped us before I even knew he was there. He was so overcome by bloodlust that he didn't even realise that I wasn't human. Either that, or he didn't care.

"He bit me. And my kind is deathly allergic to vampire venom. I could feel it as it made its was into my blood stream, a burn with nothing painful enough to compare it to." I stopped for a second, shuddering at the memory, then continued.

"I tried to fight him off, I shifted into my wolf, that seemed to take him by surprise for he loosened his grip on me, but only for a second. I knew that I had less then three minutes to either kill him, or chase him off before the venom set it. That is the standared time for most. We fought and fought, him biting me over and over, tring to get the vein that would finish me almost instantly.

"Soon my strength left me. I had lasted five minutes, with more vemom in me than any wolf had ever suffored before. A feet I was told to be proud of." I snorted in contempt, "But still, I fell. He seemed to realise I was in pain. He wanted me to suffor. So as I lay bleeding and helpless in my wolf form, he took my father and drained him dry right in front of me, then left me to die slowly with him.

"Slowly I pulled myself over to my father, willing him to somehow still be alive. Hoping that maybe the venom could save him. A vampire father would have been better than no father at all.

"But my hope was in vain. There was no life left in him. I blamed myself of course. If I could have fought just a little bit longer, maybe he would still be here today. I howled a howl that I never thought could come from me. It was full of grief and anger. So much anger.

When my pack found us, I was unconscious, bleeding to death. Apparently my body fought off the venom. They tried telling me that it wasn't my fault, but I know it was. He died on my watch. And ever since then, I haven't been able to shift. No matter how much I try. And when I loose control of myself, my body wants to shift. It tries so hard to change forms that my bones snap under the pressure. And that is what happened."

They were dead silent, listening in horror to my story. I couldn't bring myself to look at anyone. I didn't want their pity. So I looked at Jasper, knowing that he could never feel sorry for me, he hated me too much. But his expression was worse than I could have imagined. Guilt, pain, anger, and such a deep sadness that it pained me to look at him, so I quickly looked away.

Then suddenly everyone all at once rushed to me, giving me hugs and telling me that it wasn't my fault, that I had done all that I could. I looked at them, bewildered, yet oddly happy. Not even my pack had comforted me like this. It was almost as if they cared for me.

"We do care for you." Edward whispered in my ear.

I had never felt more at home than I did in the arms of these vampires, vampires that were almost complete strangers, but vampires that I loved.