Don't Hesitate

There might have been a wall of suited bouncers at the door and a red carpet rolling up to the entrance but there weren't any journalists or screaming fans around the building, just the odd camera flash as the guests arrived, the sound of ambient rock drifting from the speakers inside. Kellin was standing between a bouncer and Gabe, half-heartedly engaged in a conversation with the guy stooped over him.
"So my youngest just started pre-school," he was saying, and Kellin nodded as he watched Gabe take a drag on his cigarette, hoping he'd be finished soon. "And my oldest, she graduates next summer. Next summer, we're taking a trip up to Colorado, she's real crazy about water sports."
"Great," Kellin offered with half a smile, turning to Gabe as he murmured,
"Man, I just wanna get back inside, can you finish that or something?"
"Just fuckin' give me a second," Gabe replied, rolling his eyes and lifting them towards the sky before they fell down again and fixed on something he'd spotted in the distance. Kellin blew out air from his cheeks, pushing his hair angrily from his face as he turned towards the entrance and went to leave. He felt hot, he felt constricted, and he was loosening his tie, letting the cool air meet with his skin as he felt someone pull sharply on his arm and looked up to see it was the same bouncer, grinning from ear to ear.
"Will you look at that," he smiled, lifting his arm, and Kellin followed it with his eyes until they landed on two girls making their way up the carpet. He felt his stomach flip, felt something rise in his throat.
"I'm going to go inside," he muttered.
"Nuh-uh, looks like she's headed for you, son," the bouncer laughed, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "You kids." Kellin threw a wide-eyed look towards Gabe.
"What could I do?" Gabe shrugged, wincing a little. "She wanted to see you."
"She what?" Kellin asked, eyebrows knitting. "She..."
"Hey Kellin, hey babe!" Melinda chirped as she walked up to Gabe and placed a kiss on his cheek.
"Look who came with, Kellin," she went on, gesturing at Demi who appeared behind her now with her eyes lowered, a faint smile on her lips. She was wearing her hair loose, gently waved, a very little make-up except two cattish flicks of eyeliner, a touch of mascara and red-stained lips. "I figured she could be your plus one. That is if you haven't brought some other girl."
"He hasn't," Gabe offered, hastily stubbing his cigarette out against the wall. "Wanna go in, Linda?" Melinda nodded and hooked her arm through Gabe's who nodded at the bouncer still standing there smiling as they went in.
Demi tucked a little hair behind her shoulder. "I'm sorry," she said first, pressing her lips together. "This wasn't my idea."
"Or mine," Kellin replied, sighing as he ran a hand through his hair. Then he said quietly, "I wasn't expecting you."
"I can leave," Demi offered, glancing over Kellin's shoulder at the bouncer who shook his head and smiled.
"Little lady ain't goin' nowhere," he said in his loud, booming voice, and then, looking towards Demi added, "Wanna come in, miss?"
She looked at Kellin who shrugged and walked past he bouncer with his eyes still on the floor, and Demi followed him inside, into a large foyer full of guests and promo girls, tables stacked with products and punch.

One of the girls skipped up to them both and whipped out a camera, snapping them both, catching them with wide eyes in the bright flash, bodies turned briefly towards each other before another forced a glass of punch on them and scampered away. Demi eyed the red liquid and took a small sip.
"I wanted to explain some things," she said after a moment, looking around herself at the other people laughing and talking and flirting.
"I bet," Kellin murmured, taking a drink as he tucked his hand into his pocket and watched a guy as he walked past.
"I'm really, really sorry about what you heard," Demi said in a quiet, low voice. "I didn't exactly mean what I said. I didn't have any other choice with Julia being there."
"This isn't Julia's fault," Kellin said unexpectedly and Demi, who had been anticipating something else said,
"Right."
"I think you knew what you were doing," he said, turning away as he took another drink and, nodding his head in the direction he was going, began to walk towards the next room. Demi followed him, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, on keeping herself balanced despite the pounding in the side of her head.

"We've got a table," Kellin explained flatly, pushing through the crowds of people until they emerged into a room with a low ceiling studded with star lights and with booths all around the outside, a DJ booth perched up at the far side of the room swathed in black chiffon playing trance.
Demi nodded a little, grateful for somewhere to sit still, coming to a sudden halt when Kellin stopped abruptly, turned towards one of the tables. Demi glanced over his shoulder and drew in a sharp breath.
"Julia's here?" She gasped.
Kellin gave a nonchalant shrug and started to move off. "There's room outside on the balcony, we can go there," he said instead, and then, as if as an after thought, "She came with Justin."
Demi opened her mouth, her disbelief nestling into her features, and the whole time she could feel her heart hammering in her chest as she moved close to Kellin, wanting suddenly to put her hands on him and feel, just feel beneath his shirt his heart, too.
"Why?" She finally managed.
Kellin shrugged, stepping up onto an expansive raised balcony which looked out across the city beyond which the burning orange sun was setting.
Demi cleared her throat, walking up with him towards the very edge. Kellin stopped and rested his hands on the barrier, looking out with his jaw set and his face impassive. She looked down at those hands, curled around the bar that ran across the thin sheet glass, and then lifted hers to rest on top of his.
He looked at her sharply. "Tell me you weren't lying," he said, his eyes flickering. "Tell me you weren't lying to Julia so I can get done with this."
Demi took a breath in, shaking her head gently, her eyes glistening a little. "I can't."
Kellin pulled his hands away and turned to her. "I need you to."
"What? Why?" She murmured.
"Because it makes it easier."
"What?" Demi said, searching his face desperately for a hint of what he was talking about. "Kellin, I thought you said you wanted..." She trailed off and rested her hand on his arm. "Does it make it easier if I said, maybe, maybe I've changed my mind?"
Kellin's face changed imperceptibly, his lips moved but formed no phonemes, and then he took Demi by the hand and lead her away from the barrier, and they found a spot underneath a heated umbrella around the other side of the balcony where only a couple of waitresses and guests were milling around. Demi set her drink down on the table. There were sequins and glitter scattered across the surface and under the orange glow of the lamp they looked like tiny sparks, hundreds of glowing embers showered across the brushed metal.

Their eyes met. They both went to speak at the same time.
"I--"
"Maybe--"
Demi lifted her hand, shaking her hair out a little, allowing herself a girlish smile as she realised how fast her heart was beating, how hot and shivery she felt all of a sudden.
"This is stupid, I feel like-- I feel like a kid," she burst out, lifting her hand to her lips to hide her smile.
"Dem," Kellin said slowly, closing his mouth to swallow hard, and Demi watched his adam's apple dip up and down whilst she held her breath. "Things have changed."
Demi's shoulders sagged.
"Not the way I feel about you," he said quickly, "My feelings-- I--" He took in a deep breath and shook his head to himself. "They couldn't, they wouldn't change. But I, uh, God..." He reached forward to grab Demi's hand, and she gripped his fingers tightly as she watched him intensely with glistening eyes.
"After you, Julia came to see me. We talked."
"Gabe said. You argued."
"Yes," he said, and looked down. "No." He squeezed Demi's hand and looked into her large brown orbs which were fixed on him. "I can't paint it any different, Dem. Julia's pregnant."
Demi tasted the bile which rose in her throat and bubbled towards her mouth. She tried to force it back down her throat but she couldn't do anything as she felt a weight slide onto her chest to crush it. She couldn't speak, she felt the colour drain from her face, her hand went limp in his.
"She wants to tell everyone tonight," Kellin said, to fill up the silence. "Whilst we're all here together." Demi inclined her head, feeling numb as she leaned back a little and tried to catch her breath.
"Dem?" He asked, after a moment where she didn't speak.
"I thought this was going to be different," she said, placing her hand on her stomach.
"I didn't expect this either."
Demi took in a deep breath and leaned back a little. "So...so that's it."
"That's it?" Kellin murmured, his eyes wide and searching.
"Well, yes, Kellin, that's it, you have to be with Julia now. She-- she needs you."
"We've already talked about it," he said. "She knows I don't want to be in this relationship any more. She understands."
"She most definitely does not understand. She wants to be with you, and you should be with her."
Kellin's eyebrows knitted, her gave her a look of vague disbelief. "I'm telling you I want to be with you."
"Kellin," Demi insisted, trying to catch her breath. "This is your baby too."
"No," he said, shaking his head. "I've got it figured out. We can be friends. I can support her."
"And how do you think she's going to take that?" Demi asked, trembling a little with frustration. "She'll be single, hormonal, you think she's just going to see that as friendship?"
"It's not right I stay with her just for he baby."
"You just don't want the responsibility."
"How can you say that?" Kellin spat, hurt cutting up his features. "How can you act like you want me one second, and then say something like that?"
Demi looked down, her face clouded with confusion. "I was rushing into things, Kellin. Don't you think is a sign? Right now is not a good time for us."
"There's never been a good time for us," he replied, and laned forward a litle, towards Demi. "There never will be. All that matters is that we both feel the same."
Demi met his eyes and for the first time let a tear drop onto her cheek. "Don't you see it? It's just not that simple." She wiped it away quickly and muttered, "This is bigger than us. What about the band? What about my work, what about..." She stopped before she said his name. "All these people."
Kellin leaned back in his seat again and, shaking his head, picked up his drink. "I just don't understand you."
"What? Why?" Demi asked, reaching for her cup too.
"One second, you're telling me what you want, you're persuading me. You're selfish. And then you're thinking about these other people like you suddenly care about them so much?"
Demi was quiet. "I just need some time."
"Well you know what? We don't have time. I'm through with giving you time," Kellin hissed, and stood up. Demi moved with him, caught his arm, and the sensation of skin on skin again turned the whole situation upside down. He watched her, breathing quickly and deeply.
"We can do this," Demi started, carefully. "Another way." Understanding registered on Kellin's face and he looked like he wanted to pull away but didn't.
"No," he said, and then pulled Demi towards him with the tops of her arms pinned against her sides. "If I have you, I want the whole world to know I've got you."
"Kellin," Demi replied softly, brushing the backs of her fingers across his jaw. "That's too complicated."
"And what you're suggesting isn't?" He asked, and their faces moved closer together.
"The sneaking around," she murmured in agreement, looking down.
"I," Kellin started, and lost his voice to the sound of the music drifting outside, the clinking of glasses, the laughter and the dull clamour of conversation over conversation. But he didn't need his voice to tell her what he wanted to, at least not once he'd swept her up into an intense kiss, a powerful kiss, a turning-point kiss. They pressed into each other and squeezed their eyes shut, squeezed the world out, and for a moment, there was nothing but shared euphoria. And then it broke and Kellin murmured against Demi's mouth: "I don't care anymore."
"Yeah," She managed breathlessly.
"I want to be with you, I don't care how."
Demi nodded, nuzzling her lips against his. "Me too."
"Yeah?"
"Yes," she smiled.
Kellin kissed her again, wrapping his arms around her shoulders, holding her tight like he might kid himself he had her for real. He heard a waitress walked past them and pulled away reluctantly and they both lowered their eyes, a blush touched Demi's cheeks, and then Kellin said abruptly: "Why don't we just get out of here?" Demi gave him a searching look and ran a hand through her hair. "This weekend," he added, "I'm driving down to Maine to stay at my Mom's. It's her birthday. Why don't you come with me?"
"Kellin," Demi laughed, shaking her head, "I can't just come with you. I have stuff to do. The interview's Monday."
"You've got time," he said quickly, "You know you'll do great."
"I should prepare..."
"Just think about it," he said, stroking his hand through her hair, and Demi sighed and leaned up to place a soft kiss on his lips.
"Alright," she said, and, picking up her drink, taking Kellin by the hand, lead them cautiously out of the corner and into the open, guilty smiles plastered across their faces.

They found their way back into the club, and as they headed towards the table they saw there was a group of figues huddled around there, a familiar blonde-haired head moving energetically above them all.
"She's standing on the seat?" Demi asked, eyes going wide.
"I guess she already said it," Kellin whispered back, and the watched as suddenly the crowd parted and Julia's face appeared out of the sea of black, pale skin against red eyes as she reached towards Kellin and happily sobbed,
"And here he is!"
Demi stood back a little, offering a rueful smile as Jesse, Jack, Justin and Gabe all applauded, and everyone else too. She looked amongst their faces, at Jesse whose eyes were lowered, and awkward smile hanging off his lips, at Justin who was standing on the other side of Julia still gripping her hand tightly. She watched Julia land a kiss on Kellin's cheek who was balanced uncomfortably beside her on the seat, watched his wry smile appear, and resisted the temptation to walk away.
"Gonna make a kick ass daddy, Kellin," Gabe called, and as everybody cheered, Demi took a long drink.