Don't Hesitate

"What...What the hell was that?" Kellin was standing at the doorway to the guest bedroom, shoulders slumped.
Demi turned to look over her shoulder at him from her spot on the bed. She shrugged a little.
"Why are you in here?" He went on, stepping into the room and taking a seat slowly beside her on the bed. "You know you can just...hang out in my room."
"I know," Demi replied, in a light voice with a smile.
Kellin took a moment, looked at the phone in her hands, clenched his fists silently at his sides. "Been making calls?"
Demi was staring at the pattern on the bedspread, smoothing her hand across it. "Yeah."
"I thought this was going to be our weekend," Kellin murmured, shfiting uncomfortably. Then, "Why did you leave?"
Demi was silent for a few moments. "I've been thinking about things," she started.
Kellin felt a surge, a tidle wave of stomach acid rush towards his throat.
"It just felt weird me being there and you telling your parents. That's between you and Julia. I don't want to get between you two."
"You know there's nothing to get between."
"Maybe."
Kellin reached out for Demi's hand. "You know that's not true, right? You know I don't want to be with Julia."
Demi nodded a little.
Kellin sighed and pulled his hand back. "So what about him?"
Demi's pupils dilated a little, her lips moved imperceptibly. "Oh, I don't know. I couldn't reach him. He must be on patrol or something."
Kellin snorted out hot air through his nostrils like a horse, tail swished. "Listen," he started.
"Kellin," Demi said sharply, pre-empting it. "I don't know why you're so mad."
"I'm not mad."
"I can tell."
"Well I...I just wanted to have you there. It's the whole reason I wanted you to come."
"The whole reason, huh? Gee, thanks, Kellin, sorry I couldn't be there just to hold your hand!"
Kellin frowned, lowered his head a little, held back his tongue for a couple of seconds. "Alright," he said, with question intonation.
Demi looked down, swayed towards him a little and said softer, "Kellin, listen, I didn't want to sound..." She trailed off.

Kellin studied her, took a few long moments to in the warm morning sunlight streaming through the window. Her liquid brown eyes were moving slowly around the room, going most places except on the guy opposite her; his were large, glittering out blue, unmistakably fixed on her. "You said you were thinking about things," he said.
For the first time Demi reached out her hand and touched it to his arm, ran it all the way up to the top where she paused before flipping it over and tracing the back along Kellin's jaw. He smiled, instantly bright.
"Last night way pretty big," Demi said, dropping her hand away. "This morning I got to thinking- I don't know, I felt guilty."
"Why?" Kellin murmured, brows knitting. "If it felt good, why?"
"Because!" Demi said, closing her eyes for a moment. "Because, the whole time now I'm thinking about how bad I'm being, how dishonest-"
"Oh, no," Kellin said, feeling his hands ball up in fists again. "It's happening again. This is just like the last time, when I came over after that timeand you told me you didn't want me."
"No, this is different."
"Different, how? Are you gonna spend a couple days longer pretending to be done before you come back again?"
"Kellin, don't be so mean," Demi whispered, turning so her shoulder was facing him, half her face obscured by her hair, lips pouted deliciously. She slid the palm of her hand up her face and sighed into it. "I've just got a lot on my mind. This interview, you..."
"So tell me what you want to do," Kellin shrugged, and through her spread fingers Demi laughed softly.
"My God, Kellin, how'd you do it?"
"How'd I do what?"
"Talk about things."
He gave another gentle shrug of his shoulders, lifted his hand and started to play with a strand of hair that had come loose from the rest, tumbling across Demi's shoulder. She turned back to him a little.
"I dunno, Dem. I just, I can't lie. I really care about you and I'm not going to hide it." He studied her face for a moment, the light from the room hitting her cheekbones, making her whole face glow. She didn't look as pent up as she was acting, she had a calm, ethereal beauty to her, and it only made Kellin more frustrated as he leaned down to kiss her on the lips, just catching the side as she turned her face away and muttered,
"Not right now."
He pulled away and said, "You know what else I can't hide? How god damn frustrated I am right now that I don't understand you!"
Demi looked at him with wide eyes like she was shocked. "But I just told you."
"But I thought you were just-" He felt silent and got to his feet. "You know what, I really just came in hear to tell you- you got some news, now I got some news."
"What," Demi murmured miserably.
"I got this call from Justin. Label's decided to send us to LA for this record. We leave in two weeks."
Demi's face changed softly, her shoulders slumped a little, and Kellin stood up a little taller, pushed his chest out more.
"Why change?" Demi asked softly. "Kinda last minute, isn't it."
"I guess," Kellin muttered. "But this is a chance we can't miss. We're gonna work with a really great producer."
"Well done, Kellin," Demi whispered, smoothing her hand across the bedspread once more, monotone.
Kellin stood there, silent and still for a moment, trying to catch his breath, but it eluded him, cut up in his chest this pain that spread as he opened his mouth to talk or try some more.
"You know what?"
"What."
"This," he said, taking in a long breath. "This isn't working, is it."
Demi did not respond, but when her phone suddenly started to ring, the quick movement she made for it told Kellin all he thought he needed to know.
"I'm gonna go get my keys. I think we shouldn't wait. We should go back to the city today," he said.
Demi hesitated before answering the phone. She looked at Kellin for a second with her lips parted as if she might say something other than the brief crisp response she actually gave. "OK. Whatever you wanna do."

---

It was mid afternoon when Demi and Kellin parted ways in a quick, quiet exchange of goodbyes out on the street behind her house. It was a little windy, a typical autumn day, and she made sure she too was distracted with swiping her hair from her face to look at Kellin properly.
"I just need some time," Demi said hesitantly, clutching her bag to her shoulder, about to walk up the steps.
Kellin felt the jerk in his gut as she spoke and moved. He touched her face, nodded, then turned as the door opened at the top of the steps, a familiar pale face framed with blonde hair frowned down.
Demi froze.
"You want me to come talk to her with you," Kellin whispered, eyes fixed on her, motionless.
She shook her head and he shrugged, face sliding, and walked back to his car. He didn't pull away until she had disappeared inside, and Demi could feel him down below, waiting, could feel the sickness her beating heart shot through her stomach.

Melinda stepped aside and let Demi walk past in silence. The blonde practically bristled as Demi dropped her bag down onto the floor and began to slowly unwind her scarf from around her neck. She was refusing to look at Melinda who suddenly stepped in front of her, arms crossed and demanded,
"So how was your course, huh? So bad you had to leave early and get Kellin to pick you up?"
"Linda, don't, please," Demi murmured, and Melinda surprised her by grabbing her by the arm and spinning her around to face her.
"Of all the things you've ever done this has disappointed me the most. What the hell are you thinking being with him?"
"How is it you're te one saying this to me?" Demi hissed, yanking her arm back. "You've always made it so obvious you preferred him over Danny, I thought you'd be happy!"
"What?"
"Oh, but wait, I forgot how ridiculously moral you have to be about this stuff."
"Demi, you wait right there, girl!" Melinda's voice had grown sharp and angry and Demi turned back to her with tears in her eyes.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Melinda asked softly. Demi didn't reply. "That's what I can't understand right now, Demi. Why my best friend wouldn't tell me she was seeing, not just anyone, a mutual friend, Dem, Kellin..."
"It's so complicated," Demi murmured.
"Is it, really? Or is that you making it complicated?"
Demi paused. Melinda walked up to her. "I'm not going to force you to talk. I'm through with trying to ring things out of you. But I won't tell anybody."
She waited. Demi hid behind her fringe, looking down at her trembling hands.
"I got this call," she said, glanced cautiously at the other woman standing there with her arms now uncrossed, hanging by her sides, waiting for her to step into them. Demi bit her lip. "Danny's rotation's ending early. He's back in the next two weeks. He doesn't know when but...He's coming back."
Melinda nodded.
"I timed it bad. I thought I could spend some time with Kellin and it would all be easy but then Julia got pregnant and then there was this job and now this-"
"Calm down, girl," Melinda snapped, "We've all got problems. Difference is, most of us just don't ignore them."
A tear dropped onto Demi's cheek. Melinda reached out and squeezed her arm gently.
"I'm not trying to be a bitch but you know what, not telling me? That makes me feel like fucking shit."
"Linda-"
"You always told me stuff. Even when you told nobody else. And when you didn't I always knew. I knew when you had a crush on Danny, I knew what happened that time you came back from Kellin's. But sneaking around like this? I didn't know."
"I'm sorry."
"No, you're not."
"I just don't know what to do!"
Melinda stepped forward and pulled Demi into a hug. Demi stayed still, closing her eyes, pressing her lips into the other girl's shoulder.
"Girl, you're a wreck," Melinda said softly. Demi sniffled a little but stayed quietly, swaying gently in the arms of her friend. "See why it's better to tell me stuff now?"
Demi rested her chin on Melinda's shoulder who rubbed the other girl's back vigorously before stepping away. "I got some stuff to tell you, too. Come sit." And she lead Demi gently by the hand to the living room where she sat her down, handed her a lukewarm cup of tea she'd been drinking and started,
"How much do you care about Kellin?"
Demi lifted her shoulders. "I don't know."
"Well, help me out here!"
"What, like, on a scale?"
"Yeah, one to ten. Ten? Eight? Seven?"
Demi gave no answer but Melinda carried on anyway. "Gabe came over and told me some pretty shit- well, for me- news earlier."
"About the band," Demi echoed.
"Yeah," Demi said, raising her eyebrows, "Did Kellin tell you or something?"
"Yes."
"He knew?"
"Why wouldn't he?"
Melinda paused. "I just didn't think he'd have gotten the message. Justin says he's been pretty distant lately."
"He has?"
"Well, you're the one who's been spending time with him," Melinda muttered.
Demi finally took a sip of the tea, screwed up her nose. "Hardly."
"So this is a recent thing."
Demi nodded. "Yes. No. I don't know. Both."
"Oh c'mon, help me out here, Dems."
"Linda, I'm just having a hard time-" Demi started, cut off by a vicious glare coming her way.
"You've slept with him...What, how many times?"
"Uh, twice, I'm not a slut, Linda," Demi hissed defensively.
"But you're a homewrecker."
"For sleeping with him twice!" Demi lifted her eyes to Melinda's sharply and swallowed hard. "Do you really mean that?"
"Well...I don't know, Dem. I'm mad, I'm fucking mad, but think about it."
"But- you were the one who told me to go after Kellin."
"Not go after him, Dem, like...A-and this was before the whole thing with Julia, and God, Dem, I thought things were never that serious with Danny, I thought that whole thing would just run its course and Kellin was a way outta that. But things change, you gotta be felxible-"
"Flexible! What the fuck is that supposed to mean?
"I don't know what that means! It just means that- Demi, it's like you have this fixed idea in your mind and you're sticking to it, like...I don't know. It's like you think you can jump from one thing to another, it's like you think you can, I don't know, just try Kellin out for size then return him when you're done with with him. It's like this whole interview for this stupid job, just, why aren't you happy working where you're working? It's enough isn't it? And Danny, you obviously can't get your mind off of him so why not stick with him? It's enough."
Demi put her hand to her mouth.
"You're just gonna hurt yourself, Dem. That's what I think. You need to cancel this interview and you need to end this with Kellin. Some times it's just not meant to be, right? You need to give yourself a break and get a routine back, you'll get that when Danny's home."
"You really think this is the best thing to do?" Demi murmured, eyes round and lost.
"Yes," Melinda murmured. "I don't wanna see you get a bad rep, sweetie. And I don't wanna see you get all the slack off of Julia for being with Kellin, which you will get, let's face it. I mean I asked you once already, say you took all those people out of the equation, Julia, Danny, whatever. Think about the time you've just spent with him. You still want to be with him? Have you got the energy left to take all the slack?"
Demi shook her head and lowered her eyes, miserable. "I'm just so tired of things," she muttered, laying her head on Melinda's shoulder.
"Take a step back," Melinda whispered, gently running her fingers through Demi's long soft hair. Demi could feel her heart beating fast and waiting until it slowed, until the sickness merged with the ache of a bloated stomach and the headache that comes from brewing tears. Then she closed her eyes, and found a familiar blue pair drifting through the dark. She opened them again, but they were still there.
"So if I do this, if I tell him this, you think...You think it's the right thing to do?" Demi whispered, feeling a sharp pang as she recalled the strong words she'd exchanged earlier with Kellin, acute pain mixed with regret.
"Absolutely," Melinda said, and nodded her head.
"I mean I should listen to you, right," Demi murmured. "I should listen you you."
"I don't think I'm telling you anything that everybody else isn't already thinking, Dee."
Demi sat up sharply. "Why did you call me that?"
"What? Dee? That's what Dad used to call you, right?"
"No," Demi said, winding her hair rapidly around her finger, "That's what..." She trailed off and stood up. "I'm gonna go take a shower, I don't feel so good." She turned away and raced towards the door, stopped only by Melinda's voice as she called,
"Uh, Dem. You're listening to me right? You understand this is the best thing to do."
"Uh-huh!" Demi called, already out of the room, but the loose smile on her face said otherwise.