Don't Hesitate

As he waited for the door in front of him to open, Kellin looked around and noted how the trees in the yard were beginning to lose their leaves. It was cooler, definitely, and it felt like there was rain in the air, waiting to turn into droplets and splash onto your cheeks, and he felt it.
Impatiently, he knocked again, peering around to look through the window where he could see shadows moving, and none approaching. He tried the door, and it opened, and with a gentle shrug of his shoulders he entered, closing the door softly behind him and calling out,
"Hey? Hello?"
He heard the fast gentle thuds of footsteps on the floor and a bump and a smile came into view, several baby-gros dangling from one hand.
"Kellin!" Julia bounded up to him and slung her arms around his neck, which given the height difference had always been difficult, and was no even trickier with the bump factored in. Kellin took a step back, allowing his eyes to fall onto the rounded shape which was being proudly displayed beneath a tight top. He swallowed hard. Perhaps it was the fact she was so petite but that bump seemed to jump out at him, seemed suddenly like it was leering at him, had its own personality, was taunting and teasing him, and he forced his eyes away.
"I know, huh?" Julia said, catching him looking, smoothing her hand across the shape. "It's pretty real, right?"
"It's pretty real," Kellin echoed, nodding, following her into the living room where two girls were stretched out across the floor surrounded by baby accessories. Julia was heading straight towards them, but Kellin reached out and tapped her elbow softly, and she turned with a questioning look on her face which fell away when he said,
"Listen, I'm sorry I couldn't make it this weekend, some family stuff came up..."
"Oh, I understand," Julia said brightly, catching him off-guard. Kellin faltered with a frown. "Justin explained. Your poor Mom, I hope she gets better. I felt so bad for yelling at you when he said..."
"Wait, what?" Kellin asked.
Julia cocked her head to one side. "Your Mom, Kellin. Being sick? I thought it was sweet you went all that way just to check up on her."
"Oh," Kellin said, nodding, "Oh, yeah. Right." He left her with a forced smile as she toddled off and went to sit across from him on the sofa, and in a brief moment a look of confusion flashed across his face, a slight grimace, memories of his and Justin's last conversation, or confrontation. His eyes were full of questions but they were going to go unanswered for some time, and suddenly Kellin felt himself paling at the thought of those weeks ahead that were going to be spent crammed in a room with more than one guy he felt distanced from.
"Kellin...Are you okay?" He looked up sharply to find all three women looking at him.
"You look like you've seen a ghost," one of the girls on the floor said.
Kellin shook himself out of it and went to sit dutifully beside Julia. He watched as she picked up a folder and pulled out a wad of papers.
"Here," she said, pushing a piece into his hands. "This is the baby."
Kellin gripped the sheet tightly in his hands.
"Here, that curve there, that's the head," Julia started, tracing a slim white shape with her fingertip. "And that little curve there, that's it's belly!"
Kellin nodded, speechless. "You mean you didn't...You didn't want to know-"
"Nope," Julia said proudly, shaking her head and touching her belly. "I'm gonna wait."
Kellin fumbled with his words. "That's, wow, I-I mean, like..." The sound of the doorbell ringing cut him off and then Julia had taken the scan off him and was admiring it herself, smiling blissfully at it.

There was the sound of the front door opening, and then closing, and the two girls on the floor were laying with their heads together mumbling.
"Oh." They all looked up to see Jesse standing in the doorway, his mouth caught in an 'o'.
"Uh, hey, Jesse," Julia said slowly, getting to her feet, clutching the scan in her hands. Jesse's eyes followed it for a moment until he looked at Kellin and mumbled,
"Hey, man."
"Hey," Kellin said, standing up too, eyes drifting towards the floor. "How's things, man?"
"Oh, uh, good, good," Jesse said, scratching at the back of his head. "You?"
"Good," Kellin replied, glancing at Julia standing beside him, lips pressed together in a look of utter concentration.
She started, "So-"
"Uh-" Jesse said, and then, "I was just coming to drop off some stuff I borrowed. CDs," he added, lifting a bag he had dangling from his other hand into the air. Julia stepped forward and took it off him, sweeping away into the kitchen.
Jesse looked around the room in silence for a moment until he began, "So I heard your Mom was sick."
"Uh, yeah," Kellin said, eyes widening a little.
"That's too bad."
"Yeah."
Jesse scuffed the toe of his sneaker along the floor behind him, rip smiling across his knee in his jeans, stuffing a hand into his pocket. "So Justin got you all caught up, huh," he murmured.
"Yeah," Kellin said dryly.
"You feeling ready?" Jesse asked with a small smile.
Kellin nodded. "I've sure got some things to sing about," he replied, his voice heavy but even, caught between irony and seriousness.
"LA. It's gonna be sick," Jesse said, a smile stretching across his face. He glanced up and looked Kellin in the eye. "You maybe don't feel it, but you could do with the break man, I get things have been kinda tough for you latley," he said softly, and Kellin ready to jump up with a short response found himself cut up about the quickness of his tongue, instead feeling the unfamiliar swell of contentment in his gut.
"Well, uh, thanks, Jesse," he replied, because there really wasn't anything else he could say.
"I'm like, you know," Jesse said, "Still your buddy and everything. Even if you're kinda busy or whatever. We're not just in this band, we're like, in this together, you know?"
Kellin nodded and reached out to lay his hand on Jesse's shoulder. The other man did the same, and for the first time in weeks, he suddenly felt elated, and it shined through his eyes.

Julia bustled back into the room and Jesse straightened up quickly, clearing his throat as he peered around the doorframe and waved at the girls on the floor who still had their heads together, and then at Julia who wiggled her fingers and gave a toothless smile. Jesse left, and then Kellin turned back to Julia, reaching into his pocket. The clink of keys seemed to alert Julia and she looked at him with wide eyes.
"Are you leaving already?"
"I, uh," Kellin started, but there had been enough uhs and stuttering and holding back that day. "No, I can stay," he said, crossing over to sit down beside her again, suffused suddenly with a sense of chance calm.

----

Kellin rolled over onto his stomach and lifted a curl of hair off Demi's shoulder, smoothing his hand across her naked brown back. She smiled sleepily in response, turning her head to face him.
"So this was unexpected," he murmured, laying his head on the pillow opposite her.
She looked up into his eyes, bit her lip. "Really?"
"Well after the other day I kind of thought we were done for a while," he said, stroking his fingertips along her jaw, omitting to say everything else that was crowding his head, all the why's and what-if's and how's that were getting more and more desperate to be answered.
"Why would you think that?" She asked casually, rolling on her back, and Kellin lay there for a second, staring at her hair with a familiar frown cut into his forehead.
"I'm not complaining," he said, following her, leaning down to kiss the round of her shoulder which was still warm and a little damp. "What made you change your mind?"
Demi turned her head towards him once more, blinking slowly. "My mind didn't change," she murmured, and then, running her fingertips along his bicep, she murmured, "I realised I was missing you."
They maintained that steady eye contact as their mouths connected, both pairs glittering mischievously, tongues talking as Kellin ran his hands along her waist, lifting her body from the bed, and her hands responded, making their way south across his torso.
Kellin breathed out contentment. He could feel the points where their bodies aligned, the slight pressure of her hips underneath him, the feel of her chest against his, and the direction her hands were moving, he closed his eyes and lifted his chin a little towards the ceiling, breathed deep, and then bowed his head the meet the curve of her neck exposed beneath the sheet of hair.
"I love you," he whispered. Her hands stopped moving. He looked up at her. She was watching him thoughtfully, quietly, and after a few moments of gentle silence he added, "I'm so in love with you."
Her response was to lean up and kiss him on the lips, and Kellin poured everything filling up in his heart into that kiss, and felt it filling up immediately with more. He felt vibrations from her mouth underneath his and then she puled away, saying with a smile, "Shut up."
He choked. Demi pulled herself up, placing the sheet underneath her chest, beginning to wind it around herself, and Kellin sat there for a moment, feeling the cold air rush as the covers were pulled away from him. All that warmth and elation that had been gathering steadily inside of him all day seemed to diffuse suddenly.
"Are you okay, Dee?" He asked, watching her as she went to stand up.
She stayed put, and turned to look at him with a half smile on her face. "You haven't called me that in ages." Kellin offered a brief smile. "I like it," she said, and leaned across to peck him on the lips. That warmth bloomed in his chest again, and so he lifted his hand to hold her there by the nape of her neck. It was enough.