Don't Hesitate

Kellin could feel the vibrations of the music coming from inside the bar as he stood on the pavement, hands thrust deep into his jeans as he rocked back and forth a little, watching as a bundle of blondes piled into a waiting taxi whose driver was staring right ahead, blankly, as if he was unaware of what was happening around him. Kellin smiled to himself as he watched the man. Inside the music stopped, and when he turned around several more people came out of the door, stumbling into the pavement in choruses of drunken laughter. He watched silently, arms folded across his chest as the car roared into life and drove off, and Kellin breathed in, deeply, as if the weight that had been crushing his chest and his soul had suddenly lifted.
He pushed back inside, eyes jumping across the few faces left finishing drinks at the tables. Burst balloons and streamers littered the floor. He walked up to a group of guys in corner, eyes drifting from each familiar face to the next, Justin, Gabe, Jack, Jesse, and the whole time his mind wasn't even there, was far away at the back of the room focusing on a different face, one with deep dark eyes and caramel skin. A pretty face. Such a pretty face.

As he turned to lean down across the back of an empty chair he felt his mind slide forwards, the weight of alcohol and emotion and all the rest of it.
Justin nodded at him and said, "She gone?"
Kellin nodded, pushing his hair from his face as Jesse stood up, beer in hand, "You coming to the club with us?"
Kellin shrugged. "Actually, I was just gonna--"
"What, go see Julia? You're so fuckin' whipped," he muttered, drunk and disgusted as he went to grab his jacket and ended up half pulling Jack over on his chair.
"Fuckin' watch it--"
Kellin smiled a little to himself, watching with demure interest as they stood up, glancing round to see a couple of waiters closing in, clearly desperate for close. "Where you goin' ?"
"Um..." Justin answered, shrugged. The likelihood of them making the club was low, but then they hadn't come along for the birthday girl, it had been the party, it was always the party, and they all started to file out just like they'd come in, only less orderly.
Kellin followed them out, managed to corner Justin as a few of them broke out and lit a cigarette or two. "Have you, uh, I don't know if you've seen--"
Justin nodded, glancing down. "I knew it."
"Justin..." Kellin's head was spinning again, and by the way Justin was looking at him his was worse.
Justin folded his arms across his chest. "Man, I ain't gonna stop you, but you just--" He glanced down, teeth flashing underneath his lip before he held his hands up as if in surrender. "You know what, do what you have to. But I didn't talk to you about this, alright?"
Kellin could not speak, and nodded mutely.
"She's gone to TJ's, she had to pick up something for her shift tomorrow, OK?" He clapped Kellin a little too heavily on the shoulder and all Kellin could think wa show much he hoped his friend wouldn't remember this in the morning, but suddenly the desperate urge to speak out, to speak some truth, consumed him. "Justin, I just-- you know what it's like with me and her, it's like, I can't explain it, it's always been--"
But Justin didn't want to hear, he'd already flashed a submissive smile and thrown his arm around Jesse's shoulders, and Kellin waited a moment on the pavement watching those familiar figures as they wandered off along the sidewalk and quickly got swallowed in the crowd. He turned, glancing over his shoulder at nothing, and at absolutely everything, before he picked himself up and bracing himself against an impossible invisible wind he began to walk in the opposite direction.

***
It was mild and breezy as Demi left the bar whose lights flashed off behind her as she left. Her head felt flimsy yet heavy, she'd had to fight to hide it from her boss how drunk she was, how unlike her usual self she was, and now she'd broken out into the cool and the bright lights she felt renewed. Pressing herself into the wall she avoided a group of screeching girls as they stumbled past her, reaching into her bag looking for her phone, her iPod, anything to pacify her, preparing herself for the walk home, preparing herself for the empty quiet apartment and the cold empty bed and the silence, the aching silence. A car flew passed, she caught a momentary glimpse of herself in it, she saw her form briefly, her tight dress, her hair and her make-up and she found herself saying,
"What's this for? What's this really for?" Shaking her head at her stupid intoxicated thoughts she picked herself up to step out, to start the slow walk home in the dark, to start sobering up, the regretting the champagne, but like a figure appears out of a fog she heard a hazy voice and a name, her name, coming off familiar lips; impossible. She turned.
"Kellin? I thought you'd, I, um, I thought you'd left."
"I," he started, running up to her. "No, I, uh, I didn't wanna go."
He was looking at her intensely, somewhat expectantly, and a nervous smile broke across Demi's lips, she looked down and away, brushing her hair from her face. "Oh, God, you're gonna ask me..."
"Please," he said, and stepped forwards, drawing her close with a hand either side of her neck. "Tell me if I'm all off here, but I think you want this too."
Too distracted by the feel of his warm palms so close to her face she shook her head a little, "This is stupid. We're too drunk. I just wanna go home." Her eyes were heavy, full of inexplicable emotion, longing, and they both knew the source of it.
"Then come home with me," he said, voice bright, tepid and apprehensive, as if it was half way to an obvious answer.
He saw her falter. "Kellin..." She pushed his hands from her face, but his eyes didn't leave hers she she ran a hand through her hair and murmured, "Ah, fuck..."
Kellin caught her hand in his as she swung it down from those dark shining lengths and they both looked down at their linked hands, the first of many connections.
"Trust me on this one," he said with a soft smile and then dipped low to press his lips against her unresistant pair. Demi sighed, and he smiled.