Don't Hesitate

As Kellin opened his eyes, a blurred amalgam of shapes game into view, the slope of a shouder blade disappearing into smooth flesh outlined in shadows, the smooth curve of a slender neck, the straight dark creases in the skin where it bent. He sighed, smiled and sat up. He could hear the quiet rumble of traffic on the street below the block; his radio had turned itself on and was strumming along a gentle soundtrack to his morning. He reached out to tuck a stray strand of hair across Demi's shoulder and felt her stir a little beside him, heavy eyelashes flutter, but she didn't wake up.

Kellin slid out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxers, staggering a little as he did so, lifting his hand to his head which felt thick and fifteen pounds heavier. He swallowed and swept his tongue around his mouth in an attempt to get rid of the dryness there, then went to the kitchen to pour a glass of water and sip it slowly as he hung over the sink and let his eyes drift across the skyline. There were rooftops and a scattering of sparse clouds. He turned slowly, eyes running up from the floor along the table leg to the table top, where Demi's dress had been discarded, under again to see those heels, her underwear, his shirt. He smiled and went to boil the kettle. A few minutes later and he had himself two steaming mugs of coffee. Breathing in the stillness and quiet of the sleepy apartment he picked his way back towards the bedroom which, he realised now as he entered, was dark with inky shadows, all except for one bright line of light spilling through a crack in the curtains which fell across the floor and intersected the line between the top of the duvet and Demi's brown shoulder. He thought about closing the curtain again but then realised it all looked kind of beautiful, like it had been all set up like that. He approached quietly, setting his mug down on the table on his side, and then stepping around to place in carefully down beside hers. She did not stir, at least not until he'd slid back under the covers on his side and gone to lift his mug.
"Kellin?"
He turned to see Demi yawning and wiping her hand across her eyes which were smudged with kohl and sparkling with metallics.
"Hey," he said softly, smiling, placing his cup down and reaching over to run his hand through her hair which fell across her shoulder and her chest as she sat up, tucking the sheet underneath her arms.
"Hey," she smiled, blinking good-naturedly as he kissed her cheek and traced his fingertips along the top of her arm. "I made you some coffee."
Demi turned slowly and looked at the cup beside her, murmuring, "Oh, thanks." But she was clearly uninterested in the coffee because she turned back to look at Kellin sheepishly from underneath her fringe as she smiled, "So."
Kellin shifted a little beside her.
"We finally did it," she added, glancing down.
"We finally did," he said back, unable to stop a smile from touching his lips.
Demi inhaled sharply, reaching over to pick up that coffee which she hovered below her nose for a moment before sipping, cautiously. She murmured, "I don't know what to say."
"Then don't say anything," Kellin said.
Demi glanced at him, a smirk wavering on her lips. "We were pretty drunk last night."
"Yeah," he replied, because it was all he could find to say. Demi fell silent and he added, "So I'm hoping you're not gonna follow that up with, this was a mistake."
Her large brown eyes veered dangerously towards his above the rim of her cup. "But it was a mistake."
Kellin caught his breath, tensed, and pulled his legs up beneath him, twisting around to face her. "Why would you say that?" He asked.
"Because..." Demi looked away and placed her cup back down, adjusted the sheet around her and tucked her hair behind her ears. She sighed. "Because, I don't know, come on, Kellin, you know what I mean."
He shook his head.
"I'm not saying I didn't have a really good time," she started, flashing him a guilty smile that was enough to make him reinstate his hold on her, this time with his hand on her waist. "It's not like I didn't want this--"
"So. Quit talking about mistakes, no-one's making any--"
"Danny. Julia. What about them?"
Kellin faltered. He started softly, "In case you hadn't noticed, me and Julia are kind of..." He shrugged. "We're not great right now."
"I don't want to be girl who comes between you both," Demi said softly.
"I really think we're thinking too hard about this right now."
"Well, it needs to be thought about." Demi stretched out her legs and landed on her feet, winding the rest of the sheet around her. "Can I go take a shower?"
"Sure," Kellin said quietly, lowering his eyes.
As Demi walked past him, she brushed her fingertips along his jaw and said, "I'm sorry, Kellin." He tried to smile but it felt stiff and awkward on his lips and so he sat there, perched on the end of his bed the whole time she wasn't there with him, looking into his coffee for answers.

Suddenly he was disturbed by something behind him, and as he turned he realised it was coming from inside Demi's bag which was lying on the floor beside her side of the bed. His eyes went towards the bathroom door which remained shut. The shower had stopped. He stared at it hard for a moment or two, standing up slowly, still watching it carefully, but then the bathroom door re-opened and steam tumbled into the room and Demi appeared out of it, hair swept off her face and twisted round over her shoulder.
Kellin looked at her. "I heard your cell." He watched as Demi's eyes widened and he knew she was trying to hide her enthusiasm as she skipped towards her bag, clutching the towel around her body. His chest felt tight as she rifled quickly through its contents-- a lipgloss fell onto the floor, rolled under the bed, but she didn't seem to notice as she pulled out her Blackberry and sank slowly into the bed. Kellin studied the smooth skin of her back.
"It's Danny," Demi said, exhaling. "He's alright. He got my letter a couple days ago. He says it's good out there."
Kellin said nothing, just sat there on the bed with his knees up against his chest, arms folded loosely across them. Demi turned to look at him. "Kellin?"
Her eyes were pools of amber light lifted towards his, questioning, her lips formed a perfect 'o', and she was holding her breath like she was waiting for something that might knock it out of her. Kellin opened his mouth to say something, anything encouraging, but the thought of the man at the other end of that phone made him feel distantly irate, and so instead he stretched across, slid his hand across Demi's neck and pulled her head down towards his. He held her there, pressing his mouth against her unyielding one, and when he opened his mouth she opened hers too, he slipped his tongue between her soft lips and pushed her beneath him as he rolled over on top of her.

She smelt fresh, her skin was still damp, her hair still dripping, and a few drops of water collected on his forehead as he kissed his way along her jaw towards her neck holding her tightly against him with his arm around her back.
"Kellin," she gasped, running her fingertips through his hair, tipping her head back. He didn't stop. "Kellin..."
He closed his eyes and was all but lost in the sweetness of her skin, the scent of her hair, when her head jerked up suddenly and she felt her small hands pushing at his shoulder.
"Fuck," she hissed.
He lifted his head. "What?"
"What time is it?"
Kellin turned his head and glanced slowly at the clock on his table. "Uh, eleven forty."
"Eleven forty? Fuck! I should've been at work an hour ago." She wriggled out from underneath him, pulling the towel back around her. She leapt to her feet and Kellin sat up, trying to think of something to say.
"Shit. I don't even have any clothes." She turned around and glanced at him. "Does Julia keep any of her stuff here?"
"Well, yeah, but I um--" He thought about how odd it would be to see her wearing his girlfriend's clothes but Demi seemed so changed suddenly that he stood up and added, "I'll go um, get you something." Whilst he was rifling through a chest of drawers he glanced over shoulder at Demi who as drying her hair frantically, the towel pulled completely away to reveal her full naked silhouette, and he muttered, "Jesus, girl."
"I'm gonna have to stop by my place to get my uniform..." She murmured exasperatedly to herself, and Kellin pulled out a pair of skinny jeans a t-shirt.
"Is this alright?" He asked.
Demi glanced at him and nodded, skittering towards him in her underwear. He couldn't get rid of the lump in his throat. He couldn't stop his heavy eyes following every move she was making as she dressed herself carelessley in front of him. He'd imagined this happening many times, and not quite like this.

"You want something to eat?" He asked quietly.
"I don't have time," she said, and then looked towards him, pausing as she straightened the jeans and rotated her hips, looking at the fit of the clothes. Kellin watched her for a moment, holding her gaze with a looking of faintly aggressive determination before he grabbed a pair of jeans and started to dress hurriedly too. He looked up and, pushing his hair from his eyes, said to her,
“I’ll drive you down there.”
“You don’t have to,” Demi said, looking away. “I’ve wasted enough of your time already.”
Kellin frowned, approaching her. “We both know that’s not true. And it’s not problem.” He placed his hands on her waist. “Just being with you…”
But he didn’t finish because suddenly Demi turned away and said, “I think I better leave.”
“Alright,” Kellin said softly, his eyes drifting downwards as he watched her shove the rest of her belongings into her bag. He wanted her to forget something. Leave something. But it all went in.

On their way out of his apartment Demi stopped and waited beside him whilst Kellin locked the door, tapping her foot gently on the floor, eyes going towards the sunlight flooding in through the window at the end of the hallway, and she stared at it for so long her eyes began to water so she looked away, straight at Kellin who smiled and touched her hip. Demi surprised him by leaning up and kissing him softly on the mouth, balling the fabric of his shirt in her fist, and he returned her kiss by closing his eyes and pulling her hard against him.
After a moment she pulled away and passing her lips across his one more time she smiled,
“Bye, Kellin.”
He frowned and touched her cheek. “Why are you saying this now? We haven’t even left the block.”
“Well, there are people outside when we leave the block,” she said simply, fixing him with her big brown eyes as she turned away and picked up her bag. “They’d see,” she added, walking towards the stairs, and Kellin lurched after her feeling faintly dizzy.
“That’s how this works, right?” Demi asked over her shoulder, smiling sadly. Kellin slipped his arm around her shoulders and said nothing.