Don't Hesitate

Kellin was staring at the pot of salt on the table in front of him like it held all the answers to life's mysterious questions. Arms crossed, chin resting on his hands he slowly stretched out a finger and pushed the pot of couple of inches to the left, to the right, before a tattoed hand swiped it out of the way and Jesse exclaimed,
"What the fuck, man? Are you even listening?"
Kellin looked up at the five familiar faces sitting around the table and wiped a loosely balled fist across his eye as he murmured,
"Uh, sorry, guys. What are we talking about?"
"Oh, nothing," Gabe said, waving his hand in the air. "Just our next fuckin' album."
"Why don't we name it after you?" Jack smirked. "Kellin Quinn-- not listening."
"Kellin Quinn: doesn't give a fuck," Gabe added.
"How about Kellin Quinn: what the hell is wrong with you?" Asked the blonde man sitting to the left of Kellin as he leaned forward to check his Blackberry screen. "I don't know how much time you think managers have but can you focus please?"
"Yeah," Kellin said, "Sure. Sorry."
"Is he having girl problems or something?" The man asked the table and each boy rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath.
"Yes."
"No."
"It's complicated, Adam," Justin said quietly, laying his napkin on the table.
"Go ahead," Adam replied, shrugging his shoulders. "It's not like we're getting anywhere anyways."
"He cheated on Julia," Jesse called, dragging his chair furhter towards the table as a woman impatiently tried to squeeze past.
"It was awesome," Gabe added, "How he did it."
"Yeah, like, right under her fuckin' nose, we were at this party together but he just like, left with her instead," Jesse explained. Adam nodded his head slowly.
"Player," Jack sniggered.

His laughing died down as he noticed how Adam had stopped listening to him and was looking past his shoulder. Six pairs of eyes landed simultaneously on the slender blonde standing behind Jesse, arms crossed so tightly across her chest that her cleavage was spilling out, her face dark and gently trembling with anger.
"Forgot you asked me to come meet you, Kellin?" Julia asked in a voice quiet with anger.
"Oh shit," Jesse whispered, eyes going wide as he looked towards Kellin and started, "Man, look, I didn't see--"
"Oh, no, thank you, Jesse, for telling me what Kellin obviously wasn't planning to."
Kellin started, "Julia--"
"So when exactly were you going to tell me?" She hissed, eyes meeting Kellin's as he got to his so fast he stumbled, catching his shirt on the back of his chair, half pulling it over until Jesse jumped forwards and pulled it back; red faced, flustered, Kellin started,
"Uh, I...I don't know."
"You don't know? Well I hope that's not code for, I wasn't planning on telling you.."
Kellin cleared his throat. "I wasn't planning on telling you."
Gabe puffed air out of his cheeks, Gabe muttered some cuss words, Adam covered his face with his hands and Julia picked up her hand and brought it down across Kellin's cheek.
"You bastard, Kellin, who the fuck was she?" Julia yelled, taking a step towards him.
"Uh," Kellin said, slowly lifting his hand to his cheek which was glowing pink, "Can we just, take a step outside, I don't want to do this here--"
"Well fuck you, Kellin, I'm not going anywhere until you tell me."
Kellin offered Jesse a desperate look which he returned with an apologetic shrug, concealing what threatened to turn into a smirk with his hand.
"I, um." Kellin lowered his eyes, feeling his heart slamming in his chest, the dampness beneath his collar, his arms, at the base of his neck. "Please, can we just--"
"Kellin."
"Demi," he hissed, throwing his hands into the air. "It was Demi."
"I fucking knew it," Julia hissed, pressing her lips together, tears springing into her eyes, "Out of all the girls at that party, I just knew it would be her, that little boyfriend-stealing bitch!"
"Julia, baby, I'm sorry--"
"No you're not."
"I really think we should talk about this somewhere else."
"Well I--" Julia broke off to swipe her hand across her eye, smudging a clean black line outwards from her eye towards her hairline.
"Baby..." Kellin reached for her arm.
"Don't touch me!" She exclaimed and pushed past him, yelling over her shoulder, "I'm leaving!"
Kellin leapt after her, following her straight out of the doors, pathetically trying to placate the situation with stop-start words of apology. "Julia, wait, just listen--"
"To you? Fuck that."
"I didn't want you to find out like this."
"Didn't want me to find out period."
"That's not true, I was waiting for the right moment--"
"And when was that going to be?" She spat, coming to a halt and spinning around so fast Kellin almost fell into her, instead steadied himself by catching her by the arms although she violently shook his hold off, batting his hands away impatiently as tears ran down her cheeks.
"Julia, you gotta believe me, I feel so bad."
"Oh, really?"
"Yes. I-- I wanted to talk to you about her before."

Julia faltered and wiped her hand underneath her nose which was dripping clear fluid. "W-what?"
"I..." Kellin swallowed hard and looked at her with round distant eyes.
"God, Kellin, just tell me, you're making me look like shit," Julia hissed, wiping furiously at her eyes.
Kellin was looking at her feet as he said, "It wasn't just a one night thing."
"You mean you fucked her again."
"No. I mean, it wasn't just about the sex, it was like, it was bigger than that, it's deeper than that."
"What?"
"I, I don't know, I think I need time to figure it out."
"Well, you figure away Kellin, I've got all the time in the world."
"You mean that?" He murmured hopefully.
"No!" Julia exclaimed, shoving him in the chest. "Are you saying this to make me feel better? Because it isn't working."
"Julia--"
"I don't care if it was just about the sex or if you're completely in love with her, Kellin, either way you slept with her, behind my back, made me look stupid, you told your friends like it was some, some joke?"
"No, it's not some joke, I'm completely serious, it's completely serious--"
"Serious about what? About making me look ridiculous?"
"About her." Kellin threw his hands up into the air, caught the back of his neck with them. "Shit, Julia, I can't paint it any different, I don't want to be with you any more."
"Since when?"
"Since being with Demi."
"Since fucking some other girl?" A fresh wave of tears began spilling down Julia's cheeks, her voice was becoming frantic, incomprehensible. "What the hell did she do that I can't do?"
"Jesus, Julia, it's not just about that, it's not just about the sex!"
"It's always just about the sex," Julia hissed and turned back around, making her way down the path again towards the pavement. "You're a guy, Kellin, you're all the same."

He watched her walking away from him and resisted the impulse to stay put. Passers-by were turning their head towards them, they were making a lot of noise and attracting a lot of attention, but Julia had no problem with that. He lurched after her.
"Julia, can we just talk about this later, when I'm finished up here and you're, you know--"
"Not crying or looking like shit?"
"Calmer."
"No," Julia hissed, "I don't want to see you. I want you to stay away from me."
"You don't mean that."
"Yes, yes I do. Why don't you go running off to her, maybe she can show you a few more moves that I can't to keep you entertained."
"That's not what I want to do right now."
"Why?" She asked, drawing herself up to him as she stopped beside her car, eyes blinking, hopeful.
"Because, I think she needs some time too." She saw him falter, and he saw her eyes sparkle anew with interest, as some fresh idea bubbled inside her.
"Needs some time to figure out how to tell her little army boyfriend, huh?" Julia asked, her voice suddenly flat and calm.
Kellin felt sick as he looked at her, and he felt himself shaking his head without even really thinking about it. "We've already talked about it."
"You have, hmm?" Julia asked, opening the door of her car. "She's buying into your little idea of paradise, right." She looked over at him, her eyes round and red, smudged all around with kohl and bronze shimmer. "Don't write me, don't call me."
"What?" Kellin asked. "Julia, where are you..."
"Bye, Kellin," Julia spat and jumped into the car, slamming the door as she did. As she turned on the ignition Kellin leapt forward, slamming his hand against the window, but she pulled away from the kerb before he even had time to yell something to make her come back.

He jumped back onto the kerb. "Fuck!" He spun around and came face to face with Jesse who was standing there, looking at him gingerly; the other guys were clustered around the doorway to the restaurant. Kellin looked at him, not smiling.
"Beers are on me?" Jesse muttered hopefully, and slapped Kellin on the shoulder, but there was no hint of irony there. He glanced up at the other guys standing there who each gave him an awkward kind of smile, all except Justin who was standing in the corner and who was biting his lip.
"I totally fucked up. I can't believe you had to see that," Kellin murmured.
"You dealt with it good."
"Bullshit."
"Yeah," Jesse conceded, pulling his hand away, "You were kind of like a drowning rat, it was sort of pathetic to watch."
"Like a rat? Jesus."
"But she won't stay mad long. Her, Dems, your options are still open, my man."
Kellin chuckled and began to walk back towards the building, but his head was spinning a little too fast for him to walk in a straight line. But it didn't matter, no-one noticed, except Justin who watched him the whole way back.