Kindred Souls

Waking up next to a guy gave me a flash of anxiety. I wasn't used to it. I especially wasn't used to the arm draped across my back.

Garrett's head was squished into one of my pillows as he slept next to me. He seemed completely knocked out in dream land. Blinking my bleary eyes, I leaned up on my hand and focused in on the alarm clock on the nightstand on the other side of my bed partner. 8:58.

“What the fuck?” I whispered to myself. Why was I awake?

Collapsing back into the mattress, I let out a small gasp of breath. Garrett's arm was still on my back and it was the only thing I could feel and focus on. It was such a foreign feeling that I was reading too much into.

This is what waking up next to someone feels like.

My mind was going on and on as I lied there, listening to the soft sounds of morning sitcoms on TBS. Soon enough, my eyes began to droop and I was out again.

The next time I woke up, I was lying on my side without the weight of a foreign arm. I blinked a few times and my ears tuned in to my surroundings. The TV was playing what sounded like Everybody Loves Raymond. I hated that show.

Next, I rolled over onto my back, looking up at the ceiling.

“Mow.”

I looked down to see Ryan cross the bed and onto my stomach. As she nuzzled into my chest, I turned to look at Garrett. “Good morning.” He said with a smile.

“What time is it?” I croaked out.

“Almost ten-thirty.”

Picking up the kitten, I sat up and got out of bed, “Let's go make you breakfast.” I was sluggish and I knew he was looking at me in confusion.

“Don't you want to wake up a little bit first?”

I shrugged as I neared the bedroom door. My body slammed into the frame as I tried to exit, but I paid it no attention. My shoulder was throbbing from the impact. I was never good in the morning.

As I slowly headed down the hallway, I heard Garrett bounce up from my bed and chase after me, “Are you okay?” He asked from behind me, concerned.

“Yeah, I'm good.” I waved him off, rubbing my eyes with my thin fingers.

In the kitchen, I pulled out a skillet, “What do you want me to make you?” I yawned.

He watched me in amusement, leaning against the breakfast bar, “I'd rather you wait until you are awake more, so you don't burn the house down.”

Taking his advice, I stood against the counter next to the sink and blinked a few times, making my eyes wide each time they opened. It only took a few minutes before I was good as new.

“Okay, tell me what you want.” I clapped my hands together once, lacing them together, “Something easy because I suck in the kitchen.”

He chuckled, “What is easy for you?”

“French toast?” I suggested.

He nodded with his lips pursed, “French toast it is.”

While I made a few slices of french toast, Garrett sat at the counter, conversing with me. We talked about random things, nothing important and we sang along to the radio playing Foo Fighters on the local rock station. Every song that came on, I knew, seeing as I listened to the radio often. Some songs I didn't even know who the artist was, but knew all the words. Garrett found this fascinating. I blamed it on the fact that radio stations played the same fifteen songs over and over.

There were three pieces of french toast on his plate and two on mine. He doused his in syrup while I did mine with butter. We sat at the breakfast bar in silence, shoveling pieces into our mouths. The radio was still on, playing a Silversun Pickups song softly. Our silence wasn't an awkward one. I strangely felt completely comfortable with him despite not knowing him that well.

Garrett, so far, as a person, was a good guy. He was a kind soul even though he didn't necessarily talk much. He did, but not as much as I did. I would talk to a wall if I could.

“So, do you think Kennedy and Alivia are going to last?”

I looked over at him, mildly amused by his small talk, “I don't know. Alivia seems to think so, but she thinks that about every guy she gets involved with.” He turned to me with a scrunched up face, “Yeah, she falls too hard too fast. She has a lot of love in her heart, but sometimes it gets her in trouble. Or her heart broken.” I put my fork down and leaned back in the swivel barstool I was sitting in.

“No Cars Go” by Arcade Fire came on, which caused me to jump down and run over so I could turn it up. Garrett watched me with a smile that made his eyes light up, “I love this song.” I smiled widely, dancing around my kitchen.

“You're something else, Leland,” He said after he watched a whole song and dance number I did for him.

“Ashland.” A confused expression crossed his features, “My last name is Ashland. The way you said that right now sounded like you wanted to say my whole name. It's Leland James Ashland.”

He smiled at me again, “It's pretty. Very you. Mine is Garrett Daniel Nickelsen.”

I smirked, “How generic.”

He laughed, licking the syrup off his fork, “I know.” Setting the fork back down on the paper plate, he pushed it further away in front of him. Taking the hint that he was done, I scooped up the two plates and tossed them in the trash then rinsed off the forks, “Your name is unique. I like that you have a boy middle name.”

I nodded with a chuckle, plugging the drain to start the dishes, “Yeah, I was named after my grandfather and father.” The water was filling the sink as were the dishes I had just dirtied, “My grandpa is Jimmy James Ashland. My dad is Kyle James Ashland.” I watched his reaction. He wanted to laugh. Everyone did when they heard my grandpa's full name.

“Is that his real name?” This was always, without a doubt, the question that always came once they've regained composure.

I nodded then glanced down at the rising water, “He goes by Jim.”

He lost composure again and laughed, “Jimmy James. What a name. He sounds like a country singer... or a hot link.”

Laughing, I nodded then pushed the faucet to the disposal side of the sink and began scrubbing the dishes, “He was born on a farm in Nebraska. He grew up there, worked there. I can't remember how he got over here to the West Coast, but he did when he was eighteen. He met my grandma in Northern California on that trip. She was only fourteen at the time. He had been seeing a girl back home, but I guess he fell in love with my grandma. He went back home, she ended up pregnant, he dumped the other girl, picked up and moved there. They got married two days before Valentine's Day. She was fifteen, him almost nineteen. They've been married for fifty-four years now.” I had absolutely no idea why I told him my grandparents' life story. There was no reason for me to and didn't necessarily enjoy the fact that I could talk to him so easily. I wasn't used to that.

Garrett didn't seem bored or anything from my random storytime, seemingly interested in what I had to say, “He seems like a very cool dude.”

I nodded, “He is. I haven't talked to them since I stopped talking to my parents. I fell out of contact with virtually my whole entire family.”

He all of a sudden seemed very sad, while I, on the other hand, was cursing myself for being so completely open. This needed to stop. “Doesn't that upset you?”

“Well, yeah, but I was cut off and there's nothing I can do about it.” I began to furiously scrub at the skillet I cooked the french toast in.

“Don't you ever wonder what's going on with them?” I was so focused on taking my aggression out on the skillet, I couldn't look at him, “Leland?”

I threw the sponge and skillet back into the water in frustration. Frustration at myself, at Garrett, and at the whole situation I was in, “I do, Garrett, all the fucking time.”

I hated showing and dealing with my emotions in front of people. Hell, I couldn't even deal with them when I was by myself. I never could get a grip on what I was feeling or wanted to say. Being vulnerable was never something I wanted to do. Vulnerability made it easy for people to figure out my weaknesses. Knowing my weaknesses made it easy to hurt me. I'd never been hurt badly before because of the fact that I was always so closed off from my feelings and let very few in.

When I still talked and lived with my parents, they didn't even know me. The only person in the world to ever know most about me was Alivia and that's only because I figured out who I was as I grew up with her. She was there every time I figured out something new about myself.

“I don't want to talk about it anymore.” I shut the water off, done with the conversation and situation I put myself in, “Get your things; I'm taking you home.” Exiting the kitchen, I moved into my room to throw on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Garrett quietly changed back into his jeans and we left.

The ride was silent except for the mix in my CD player. I was angry with myself for showing Garrett so much of myself. I never talked about my family like that with anyone, especially guys I hardly knew. What was it about this kid that made me want to talk about anything and everything? Why did he have the ability to make me forget about every wall I'd built up without even knowing it? He definitely didn't know he had that affect on me and I wasn't about to tell him.

Half way to his house, he spoke up, “Look, I'm sorry about what happened back there. I pried into your personal life when I shouldn't have. I'm sorry.”

Shaking my head, I glanced over at him before quickly averting my gaze back to the road because I was never a good driver, “I'm not mad at you. You were only curious. It's just a touchy subject.”

He nodded, “I understand that now.”

The rest of the ride was slightly awkward, which was saying a lot coming from someone who didn't think many things were that awkward. We didn't say anything more until he opened the door when I pulled up in front of his giant house.

“Thanks for helping me with my hair.” I said then shot him a tight smile.

“No problem. Thanks for driving me everywhere.” I nodded and he was gone.

It was weeks before we talked again.

Back home, I finished the dishes then sat in front of the TV, watching some weird documentary about a woman that was murdered on the Investigation Discovery channel. My computer was in my lap and I was working to get some things ready for my appointment with Lisa the following day ready. We were going to go over the layout and to hash out more ideas. Putting together a wedding seemed to be one of the easiest things for me to do at that point.

It was a little after 12:30 when Alivia arrived home. The first thing she noticed was the new color in my hair, “Oh, green. Nice. I like it.” She said as she shut the door.

“Thanks,” I replied.

“Who helped you with your roots?” I knew she was only asking because usually she did it. I debated on lying and telling her someone else did, but by the time I agreed to, my mouth was already spitting out Garrett's name. Her eyes widened and a creepy grin spread across her lips, “Oh, really?”

I looked up at her with a look of annoyance, “Don't even.”

She looked at me innocently then made her way over to the loveseat, “What?”

Rolling my eyes, I leaned back into the cushions, “I know what you're thinking. Don't get any ideas, though. I'm probably not going to talk to him for a while.”

Her whole expression changed and she was upset and confused now, “Why not? What happened?”

I didn't really want to talk to her about it because I knew she would blow it all out of proportion, “This morning, we got on topic of my family and I told him way more than I really wanted to.”

Her eyes widened, “What did you tell him?”

With a shrug, I pushed the computer off to the side, "I told him I don't talk to anyone anymore and that I don't know where anyone ir or what's going on with them. Then I told him why I don't and how we used to bounce around from state to state. I don't know, a bunch of shit. He just started questioning me on how I feel about it and I snapped at him.”

She frowned, “Well, you obviously trust him enough to let him in like that.”

I fell over onto my side and frowned, “He's just so easy to talk to! I cant help but open up to him!”

When I looked at her, there was a smirk on her face, “You totally like him, Lee.”

I rolled my eyes again and switched to lie on my back, kicking my feet up onto the arm rest, “You're delusional, Alivia.”

She laughed, getting up from her seat, “Okay, Leland.” I heard her move into the kitchen, “Did you make something?” She called.

“Yeah, I promised Garrett a home cooked meal last night for helping me, but it took us like six hours so I told him I'd make him breakfast.” My eyes were closed, but I heard her stop all movement in the kitchen.

“Wait, he stayed here last night?”

My eyes flew open. Shit, “Uh, yeah. It was late and I didn't want to drive him home.”

“Really now? And he slept on the couch?” She continued moving around the kitchen, opening cupboard and taking things out of the fridge.

“Sure.”

She slammed an eating utensil down on the counter then she was in front of me, “You guys shared a bed?!” Her eyes were wide and I knew I definitely made things ten times worse for me.

“Yes? What's so wrong with that?”

She shook her head, “Nothing. I just can't believe you when you say you don't like him anymore.” I rolled my eyes yet again as she walked away.

“I don't like him, Alivia!”

“Uh huh. You guys would be so great together.”

“I know that; he's an aquarius.”

I heard her laugh, “Right.” When was she going to learn? “I have to work tonight, but Kennedy is coming to stay the night, so can you let him in when he gets here?”

My brow furrowed, “Uh, yeah, I guess.”

“Thanks, Dear.”

She continued working in the kitchen while I lied on the couch. My head was turned and my eyes focused on the screen. There was a dramatized reenactment of a murder playing out on the TV, making me wonder why the hell I enjoyed documentary type shows of horrible crimes. That thought was still not as prominent in my mind as my conversation with Garrett from earlier.

I missed my family. I really, truly did. I wondered where they were and how they were doing. If they were okay and healthy. Surely if something bad had happened, they would have contacted me. This settled my mind a bit. I debated on trying to contact them, but decided against it because my father made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with me if I wasn't going to be a successful college graduate.

With a sigh, I rolled onto my side and closed my eyes. Maybe a nap would make me feel better.

I spent the rest of the day in front of the TV. What I really wanted to do was take a nice, cold shower, but I liked to wait a few days before I washed my hair after putting the unnatural colors in. It wasn't good to wash it all the time either, so I usually went days between washes, as gross as that was.

As I lied on the couch all day, I felt disgusting. What the hell was I doing with my life? More times than not I was doing almost nothing all day but watching mindless television. Maybe I should do something productive and not so mind numbing, like reading a book. I liked to read, but couldn't find the patience to do it as much anymore. Maybe I could change that.

It was 11:30 when Kennedy showed up. I heaved myself up off the couch, where I was watching an indie flick called Flakes, and trudged myself over to the door. "Hey," I greeted.

"Hey, Leland, how are you?"

I shrugged as I moved aside to let him in, "Bored out of my freaking mind. What about you?"

He chuckled, closing the door, "I've been really good." I sat back down on the couch while he went to the chair to my left, "What're you watching?"

With a sigh, I looked at the screen. Zooey Deschanel's character was yelling at her boyfriend about his job and the fact that he wasn't supposed to be working in a cereal bar, but instead a big-time musician, "Flakes."

"Hmm... I've never heard of it." He adjusted so he was sitting, getting more comfortable to watch the screen.

"It's a little indie film, so not a lot of people have. It's pretty good, though. I'll watch anything with Zooey Deschanel in it."

Kennedy chuckled, "Yeah, she's a pretty great actress."

I shot him an incredulous look, "Uh huh, and she's fucking gorgeous."

Another chuckle, "That, too." we sat in silence, watching the movie. It wa awkward and I really couldn't handle it.

With a small sigh, I looked over at him, "This is awkward."

He let out a breath, "I'm glad you think so because I was dying."

I smiled in amusement, "We should probably work on that since you and my best friend are together. No doubt this is going to happen a lot more often."

Kennedy nodded with a small laugh, "Yes, definitely. Let's play twenty questions to make it less awkward?" He suggested and I raised an eyebrow at him, "Basic questions, though." He clarified.

I nodded and sat up straight, folding my legs on top of each other. Not criss-cross, but on top of each other. I noticed Kennedy giving me a strange look at my position, but I ignored it.

He turned his body to face me and opened his mouth, realizing I wasn't going to go first, "Okay, I'll start. Birthday?"

"June 5. Yours?" I remembered Alivia mentioning he was a Virgo when I first found out about them and the pseudo relationship they had that only existed at Happy Endings.

"September 13. Favorite band or artist?"

"The Kills." I answered immediately, "First kiss?"

He raised an eyebrow at me and I smirked, "When I was fourteen. Favorite musician?"

I laughed, "Clever. Jack White."

His eyes widened, "Mine, too!"

My face mirrored his, "He is a God!" Kennedy quickly nodded in agreement, "I saw The White Stripes when they toured on "Icky Thump". Holy shit." I gushed.

"Really? I've never seen him live."

I frowned, "I've seen The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, and The Dead Weather. I about shit myself when The Dead Weather was announced. Alison Mosshart and Jack White? Holy hell."

Kennedy, I noticed, was smiling at my enthusiasm. I enjoyed the fact that I could gush about all of this to someone other than Alivia, who had heard it all before, time and time again.

We went back and forth, getting to know more about each other. It turned out we had a lot more in common than we would have guessed.

When Flakes was over, I flipped through the movie channels and saw Beetlejuice was coming on. Kennedy agreed to watching it, so I turned it to the channel, waiting for it to come on, ultimately having to sit through the last ten minutes of a movie I had no desire of seeing, ever.

To pass the time, I got up and moved into the kitchen to make popcorn. Seeing the dishes from breakfast that morning, sitting in the dish rack made me feel a sense of embarrassment.

Rubbing my hands across my face, I groaned, "You okay in there?" Kennedy called from his chair in the living room.

"Just peachy."

He shot me a wary look, clearly knowing I wasn't okay, but dropped the subject. At least he knew when to leave things. He and I would get along well.