Status: Active (Updating almost everyday)
Trying Not to Love You
It's not goodbye I'll see you again.
Just a heads up
This chapter was difficult for me to write.. Everything that is in this chapter actually happened. It took me about a month to figure out how i was going to add this in the story but here it is..
-Kayla
Sitting.. waiting.. pretty much what we were doing right now.. they were going to be moving dad from the emergency room to an actual room soon. I didn't want to leave the room again.. i was afraid i wouldn't be there when he passed. The chaplain offered to stay with dad while Mom and Brendon practically dragged me out of the room to go outside. My mom handed me a cigarette and a lighter to help calm my nerves but how would that help? My dad was currently dying and all i could think about was why god? I was lost in thought when Brendon nudged me and pointed ahead of us where i seen Brian walking towards us pulling me into his arms once he got closer
"Brendon called me, I got here as fast as i could. What happened?" He asked looking at my mom.
"I woke up to what i thought was a thud but didn't think anything of it. I got up and used the bathroom. I thought Lee was sleeping on the couch because i could hear snoring but when i entered the room he was laying on the floor hands above his head, eyes wide open looking at nothing. I thought he was joking but after shaking him i knew something was wrong so i called 911. I was screaming into the phone at the operator to tell them to hurry the fuck up. Once they got there, they asked me for the card we had on the fridge that says to not resuscitate if his heart stops which I couldn't get to anyway with all the paramedics in the house. They tried to get him to snap out of it and before i know it, they were scooping him up and taking off to the hospital. They didn't even tell me where they were taking him, i had to ask one of the paramedics that was still there"
I started to cry once again hearing the full story this time. His health had gotten bad, he couldn't drive anymore and was so tired. I had seen him two days before and i thought something was wrong but figured it was because he wasn't feeling good.
"I was supposed to take him to his appointment tomorrow, i feel so bad because i didn't want to go" I cried harder while Brian rubbed my back.
"Don't feel bad he didn't want to go either, he was tired of going to his appointments. He didn't want to go anywhere anymore"
Mom was right, the last couple of weeks he didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He had told me last week he hated feeling the way he was because he had no energy at all. It bothered him seeing mom mow the lawn and doing the things he did before he got sick. Mom and I both didn't honestly think he was going to make it to June and unfortunately with it being March we were right. The four of us walked back into the hospital to the emergency room where dad was currently at. They soon moved him to a room where it was quieter. We stood outside of his room while they got dad situated.
"There is hot coffee and water for your family" The nurse softly smiled pointing to the rollaway cart by dad's room door"
"Thank you" Brendon replies as the nurse nods also letting us know we can go in his room now.
"They spelled his last name wrong" I said softly
"What Babe? Brendon asked
"They spelled his last name wrong, It's T a y l o r not T a y l e r" i snap pointing to the wall where there was a plaque with dad's last name which was not spelled correctly
"We'll let the nurse know when she gets back in here" He says gently pushing my shoulder to go sit down.
"I let the guys know what is going on, they are going to be in the waiting room here in a bit..I know you are going to start to worry about the kids but Mckenna and Brent have them right now" Brian says sliding his phone into his pocket.
"Thank you Bri" I reply scooting the chair up to dad's bed taking a hold of his hand while my mom sat on the other side of his bed taking his hand also.
We would take 5 minute breaks to go outside and get fresh air plus a cigarette and hurry back into his room. Like Brian had said the guys would be in the waiting room. I didn't say much to the guys which i knew the understood. My dad was dying i wasn't exactly chatty Kathy at the moment. Dad was baptized that night something he had been wanting to do but never got a chance to.. The chaplain who was still with us performed it.
What bothered me was when i'd walk passed dad in his bed i would touch his foot like i always did but he didn't move his toes He always did especially when he had to stay in the hospital and we were visiting him. Around midnight his breath started to fade and we couldn't really hear the snoring anymore. At 12:07 am March 8th, 2019 Dad took his final breath..
I bolted out of the room.. screaming at the top of my lungs.
" NOOOOOOOOOOOO he's gone he's gone!! I cried being caught by Matt who pulled me close to him as i collapsed to the floor. Matt didn't say anything but held me as i cried trying to comfort me as much as possible while the other guys looked at Matt and I with tears in their eyes. Brendon walked up to his crouching down to wrap his arms around Matt and I while I cried. I jumped up and sprinted back to dad's room where mom was still sitting on the bed talking to dad as Brian had a hand on her shoulder.
"Come here" Brian opened his arms as i buried my face in his chest and cried for the millionth time that night.
"I'm going to give you a few minutes with your dad" My mom says leaning over to kiss my dad on the forehead then standing up where Brian let me go and put his arm around mom as they left the room.
I sat down next to him on the bed taking a hold of his hand. All the memories i had of my dad ran through my mind from when i was little to where i graduated to when he held my kids when they were babies. He was truly gone and my heart was shattered.
"I know you are at peace now. No more being tired. No more leukemia. You won not leukemia. I know you are with grandma and grandpa. I love you so much. I promise you we are going to be okay and I'll take care of mom. It's not goodbye I'll see you again"
This chapter was difficult for me to write.. Everything that is in this chapter actually happened. It took me about a month to figure out how i was going to add this in the story but here it is..
-Kayla
Sitting.. waiting.. pretty much what we were doing right now.. they were going to be moving dad from the emergency room to an actual room soon. I didn't want to leave the room again.. i was afraid i wouldn't be there when he passed. The chaplain offered to stay with dad while Mom and Brendon practically dragged me out of the room to go outside. My mom handed me a cigarette and a lighter to help calm my nerves but how would that help? My dad was currently dying and all i could think about was why god? I was lost in thought when Brendon nudged me and pointed ahead of us where i seen Brian walking towards us pulling me into his arms once he got closer
"Brendon called me, I got here as fast as i could. What happened?" He asked looking at my mom.
"I woke up to what i thought was a thud but didn't think anything of it. I got up and used the bathroom. I thought Lee was sleeping on the couch because i could hear snoring but when i entered the room he was laying on the floor hands above his head, eyes wide open looking at nothing. I thought he was joking but after shaking him i knew something was wrong so i called 911. I was screaming into the phone at the operator to tell them to hurry the fuck up. Once they got there, they asked me for the card we had on the fridge that says to not resuscitate if his heart stops which I couldn't get to anyway with all the paramedics in the house. They tried to get him to snap out of it and before i know it, they were scooping him up and taking off to the hospital. They didn't even tell me where they were taking him, i had to ask one of the paramedics that was still there"
I started to cry once again hearing the full story this time. His health had gotten bad, he couldn't drive anymore and was so tired. I had seen him two days before and i thought something was wrong but figured it was because he wasn't feeling good.
"I was supposed to take him to his appointment tomorrow, i feel so bad because i didn't want to go" I cried harder while Brian rubbed my back.
"Don't feel bad he didn't want to go either, he was tired of going to his appointments. He didn't want to go anywhere anymore"
Mom was right, the last couple of weeks he didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. He had told me last week he hated feeling the way he was because he had no energy at all. It bothered him seeing mom mow the lawn and doing the things he did before he got sick. Mom and I both didn't honestly think he was going to make it to June and unfortunately with it being March we were right. The four of us walked back into the hospital to the emergency room where dad was currently at. They soon moved him to a room where it was quieter. We stood outside of his room while they got dad situated.
"There is hot coffee and water for your family" The nurse softly smiled pointing to the rollaway cart by dad's room door"
"Thank you" Brendon replies as the nurse nods also letting us know we can go in his room now.
"They spelled his last name wrong" I said softly
"What Babe? Brendon asked
"They spelled his last name wrong, It's T a y l o r not T a y l e r" i snap pointing to the wall where there was a plaque with dad's last name which was not spelled correctly
"We'll let the nurse know when she gets back in here" He says gently pushing my shoulder to go sit down.
"I let the guys know what is going on, they are going to be in the waiting room here in a bit..I know you are going to start to worry about the kids but Mckenna and Brent have them right now" Brian says sliding his phone into his pocket.
"Thank you Bri" I reply scooting the chair up to dad's bed taking a hold of his hand while my mom sat on the other side of his bed taking his hand also.
We would take 5 minute breaks to go outside and get fresh air plus a cigarette and hurry back into his room. Like Brian had said the guys would be in the waiting room. I didn't say much to the guys which i knew the understood. My dad was dying i wasn't exactly chatty Kathy at the moment. Dad was baptized that night something he had been wanting to do but never got a chance to.. The chaplain who was still with us performed it.
What bothered me was when i'd walk passed dad in his bed i would touch his foot like i always did but he didn't move his toes He always did especially when he had to stay in the hospital and we were visiting him. Around midnight his breath started to fade and we couldn't really hear the snoring anymore. At 12:07 am March 8th, 2019 Dad took his final breath..
I bolted out of the room.. screaming at the top of my lungs.
" NOOOOOOOOOOOO he's gone he's gone!! I cried being caught by Matt who pulled me close to him as i collapsed to the floor. Matt didn't say anything but held me as i cried trying to comfort me as much as possible while the other guys looked at Matt and I with tears in their eyes. Brendon walked up to his crouching down to wrap his arms around Matt and I while I cried. I jumped up and sprinted back to dad's room where mom was still sitting on the bed talking to dad as Brian had a hand on her shoulder.
"Come here" Brian opened his arms as i buried my face in his chest and cried for the millionth time that night.
"I'm going to give you a few minutes with your dad" My mom says leaning over to kiss my dad on the forehead then standing up where Brian let me go and put his arm around mom as they left the room.
I sat down next to him on the bed taking a hold of his hand. All the memories i had of my dad ran through my mind from when i was little to where i graduated to when he held my kids when they were babies. He was truly gone and my heart was shattered.
"I know you are at peace now. No more being tired. No more leukemia. You won not leukemia. I know you are with grandma and grandpa. I love you so much. I promise you we are going to be okay and I'll take care of mom. It's not goodbye I'll see you again"
♠ ♠ ♠
I have to admit i did cry while writing this. Maybe it was too soon but i wanted to write it out. Dad and I never said goodbye to each other we always said see you later and as dad always said It's not goodbye you'll see me again. Miss you so much dad..#fuckleukemia