Running Circles

I was sitting there in my fancy dress waiting for something to happen. Till now Josh had done everything I didn’t expect from him. Harlow had left an hour ago, because someone had called her to a job. It was around six when someone knocked on the door. I walked from the living room to the door and opened it to see a well dressed Josh with flowers in front of me “Happy birthday, love.” Josh was the only one that knew that I almost died from a appendictis when I was four. “You remembered.” I said with a light smile. “Of course I remembber the day that could have changed my whole life.” he said “I got you some flowers.” He said then and handed me the white and pink roses. I widely smiled at him “Thank you.” “Don’t thank me, love.” He answered “Let’s go?” I nodded and quicky went to get my bag and put the flowers into a pot. Josh was waiting outside the door for me. He held his arm out for me and I took it with a wide smile. Josh led me down the stairs into a taxi.
“Josh, why are you doing this?” I asked quietly. “I realized that I fucked so much up and I realized how much I need you. I don’t know if you already listened to the CD I gave you, but if you did I really mean all that.” he said quietly. “I sadly didn’t have the time to do so yet. When I came home yesterday the girls asked me out immediately. Couldn’t even make myself a tea.” I said with a little laugh. “Lucky you I like my voice and have it here.” He said with a chuckly and pulled out his phone and a pair of headphones. He handed me the headphones and put on a song called ‘Little Bit Of Truth’. Everything from the lyrics, over the way he was singing to the whole mood of the song made me wanna cry from happiness and guilt. “Don’t shed tears about it, love.” Josh said with a calming voice “The only tears I want to see today is tears of happiness. I really mean all that. Everytime people were telling me that we couldn’t make it or that I wasn’t good enough you were there for me. During the last year people said stuff and things in the band happened that made me wish I could just call you and tell you about it and just listen to your voice and those cute little sighs you make everytime you are frustrated about something I just said. I just miss you like hell.” He said and dropped his head. I smiled sadly and lifted my hand to his face “Joshua, you don’t know how much I missed you” I said and his eyes lit up “but you’ve got to understand that you…broke my heart.” I said with a whisper and the light his eyes died again “I’m sorry Josh, but things have to be said and…if you take that to your heart, maybe we can make this something again. I really want to…and I want you to know that I still love you. I always did. I never could stop, though I said I hated you, I still loved you. But you need to understand that I need my time. You may think that it took plenty, since we hadn’t exchanged a word in over a year, but I need my time to learn to trust you again and I can’t give you my trust out of nowhere, you need to earn it and I’m giving you the chance to do so.” I said and finally ended my little speech. It felt good to get all the things I had been bothering about for a year off my chest. It was as if a bit of hope returned into his mind and he smiled softly “I’ll make you a promise, I will take this chance and I will prove you that I can be the guy you need.” He said and smiled “But today I don’t want to think about the past shit I did to you.” he said just as the taxi stopped. I hadn’t thrown a glance out of the window the whole drive, since we had been talking so deeply, but I recognized the place at the first glimp. I smiled lightly at the sight of the small french restaurant Josh had taken me to for our first date. “I thought that this was fitted for such a day.” he said with a smile and got off the car and came to open the door for me. “Has Dan given you a lesson how to become a proper gentleman?” I asked with a little chuckle. “You caught me. He told me some stuff, but till now I’ve been completely myself.” he said with a proud smile. “The you’ve done good.” I laughed and Josh widely smiled at me. “I hope that you are hungry, because I asked them to make your favourite.” He said still widely smiling. “You must be crazy for doing all that. And yes I am starving.” I said in reply. Josh then offered me his arm again and led me to a table. He pulled the chair away from me and pushed it back towards the table when I had sat down. He sat down on the opposite of me. He sat there smiling at me like he had gone completely mental. “What?” I asked with a smile. “Nothing I’m just looking at you.” he answered with a smirk. I shook my head laughing “Will you ever change?” “Why should I?” he smirked. This little weird smirk of his, was always something I had adored about him, something that had tied my insides into a millon of knots. “Right, why should you.” I said and smiled at him. A waiter came from the inside and served us food and wine. He had been right, they served my favourite food.
“Joshua you shouldn’t have made such a mess for me.” I said when we started our walk home. “I needed to and I wanted to give you something back. You know…not only metaphorical, but also physicaly.” He reached into his pocket in pulled a necklace out of it. The necklace I had thrown at him when I left. “Joshua.” I sighed. “No. You’re taking it back. If I’m not able to prove my love to you, you can still give it back.” he said and reached out to put it around my neck. He put his hands on my shoulder and stared directly into my eyes. He leant forward and pressed his lips onto mine. Not strong or long, it was peck, but as usual he was driving me mental. Josh pulled away and looked to the ground “Sorry I…couldn’t resist doing so.” He sounded so quiet. “It’s okay…somehow.” I answered just as quiet. Josh was still staring at me. His eyes were darting me and there was something between us that I hadn’t felt in a while. Something I hadn’t felt in over a year. But I decided to swallow it down and forget about it. The rest of the walk was awkwardly quiet and strange. We reached the front door of the house. Josh was awkwardly standing there in front of me “I hope you had at least some fun.” He said with a little smile. “Of course I did.” I answered and smiled softly. “Sleep well, love.” He said and kissed me on the cheek before he left. I unlocked the door and immediately slipped off my shoes and sprinted up the stairs, tears running down my face. I reached my bedroom and collapsed on the bed. I was confused. My whole mind was running circles. I was a complete mess. I pulled out the CD Josh had given me and put it into the stereo. By the time the fourth song was almost over I was still crying, but this time because the songs seemed so honest and deep. It was around four when I curled up in a ball and fell asleep.
I woke up to the sound of the beeping of my mobile. Josh had tried to call me about five times already. I buried my face in the pillows. I wanted to hide myself. I felt terrible. Kissing Josh was the stupidest thing I had done yet. I pulled the covers over my head and tried to sleep again, but Josh was calling another three times.
It was three when I hieved myself of the bed to be greeted by Harlow and Max sitting on the sofa. “Oh my god babe.” Harlow pieped and jumped up to wrap me into her arm “What happned?” Harlow pulled me towards the sofa and pushed me down next to Max. “I’ll leave you two alone and have a smoke outside.” He said and got off the sofa. “Tell me what happened, love.” She said with a sad smile. I sobbed heavily “The date was all perfect and I told him how I felt and what I want and all. It was perfect. He’s been a proper gentleman all night.” I sobbed. “Auntie Dan’s been doing a good job there, I see. What’s so bad about it?” she asked. I chuckled lightly “We were on our way home and he gave me the necklace back and promised he would become a better guy for me and then…he kissed me.” “Love.” She sighed “The boy is all about you, no matter what. Use it. Learn to trust and love him again. It’s going to be better and don’t worry so much, yea?” she smiled. “How often has he tried to call you?” Max asked from the balcony. “Somewhere around eight times. “Ouch…love you are still messing with him, remember when you first got together and you avoided him for a day and he was going crazy and he was running around as if he had gone complete mental.” Max said with a chuckle. I smiled lightly “Thank you.” I then went for a shower and got dressed into something more accurate than my underwear and a bedsheet. Avery and I went to work and did everything the way we used to. I tried to not think about Josh and the little kiss we had shared, but no matter how hard I tried he wouldn’t leave my mind again.