What God Will Never Design

“Frankie?” James whined.
“Dad,” Frankie sighed. “If you’re going to complain about that splinter, just fuck off.”
“But it hurts!” James dramatically threw his head back and screamed, ‘oowwwww’ as loud as he could.
Jimmy silently walked up to his father and grabbed his hand. He squeezed the finger with the splinter in it and plucks it out.
James screamed out, pretending he was in more pain then he was. He fell to the floor and squeezed his finger where a tiny trail of blood fell out the ‘injury’. He shook his head, disapproving the behaviour of his 42 year old father, who was now rolling around on the floor.
Frankie sniggered and kicked James gently. Jimmy sighed, and continued walking ahead. He whistled to Sulley, who ran to catch up with him.
“James,” Leana said quietly, as people walked past staring at her husband. “Get up.”
James ignored Leana and continued to whine.
“JAMES!” Leana shouted.
James stood up quickly and looked at his wife, trying to put on an innocent face. He soon burst out laughing when Frankie started to snigger again. Leana rolled her eyes and continued walking.
While they were walking, a boy, no older than 5, came past on a horse. James glared at the boy.
“Excuse me,” James began.
The horse stopped and the boy looked at James.
“As I am injured,” James continued. “I think you should give up your horse for the elderly,”
“You don’t look hurt,” The boy muttered.
“That’s because I am strong on the outside. Now, get off the horse kid.”
“Bu-but it’s mine- my horse,” the boy stuttered.
“Bu-but,” James mimicked tauntingly. “Get off the horse kid,”
The boy shook his head.
“James,” Leana warned. “Come here now!”
“Watch your back,” James glared at the boy again.
James turned away then quickly turned back around and pushed the 5 year old off his horse. He jumped onto the horse and shouted, “HA sucks to be you kid,”
The boys eyes swelled up and he started to cry loudly.
James looked down at him. “Oh GOD!” he shouted. “Grow up!”
“James!” Leana shouted. “Get the fuck off that horse!”
“For fuck sake, Daddy!” Kaylee shouted at him then smiled at Frankie as he laughed at her swearing.
James sighed, “Leana sweetheart, I am injured, I need a ride!”
Jimmy came back to them and said, “what the hell is taking you all so long?!”
He looked at the crying boy on the floor and his sniggering father on the horse. He shook his head.
Three guys, who looked like bikers, came past on horses and stopped either side of James. One got off and picked up the boy.
“Get off the horse,” One of them said.
James sighed, “We’re going to have a problem aren’t we?”
“Get the fuck off our sons’ horse!”
“WOAH!” James shouted back. “Didn’t know you bikers were gay!”
The biker to the right of him punched him and James fell off the horse.
James stood up and rolled his eyes, “okay, okay. I see where this is going.”
James made a noise, which sounded like a car siren and poked the biker in the eye. Frankie wiped the tears which were streaming down his face from laughter.
All 3 of the bikers surrounded James and one said, “You want to play rough little boy?”
”Oh sorry,” James smiled. “I am not going to let you bum rape me, not my type sweetie,” He stroked the bikers face.
The biker punched him again and James fell to the floor laughing. They all started kicking him, and James continued laughing, throughout cries of pain.
Jimmy sighed and tapped one of the bikers on the shoulder. The biker turned round and Jimmy stated, “That’s my father,”
“AND?!” the biker shouted in his face.
Jimmy stared at him in the eyes and whispered fiercely, “If you don’t let him go, you’ll have me to answer to.”
The biker laughed and his mates joined in, “Would could a weedy emo like you do to us?!”
Jimmy joined them sniggering then instantly stopped and punched the biker in the stomach, winding him, then as he bent over in pain, Jimmy kneed him in the face causing him to fall backwards.
The other two bikers stared at him speechlessly. One of them got a knife out their back pocket and grabbed Jimmy by his jumpers’ collar. Frankie instantly stopped laughing.
“Wow,” Jimmy continued. “Too scared to fight me?”
“Why would I be scared of you?!”
“Because you’ve just pulled a knife out at me, you pathetic twat!”
“Come one,” Leana said quietly. “I'm sure we can work something out?”
“Fuck off lady!” the biker shouted.
Frankie put his 38mm against the bikers’ temple. He cocked the gun and shouted, “You want to fucking go mate!?”
The biker put his hands up in surrender.
“Drop the fucking knife!” Frankie ordered.
The biker listened and the knife fell to the ground. The other biker tried to sneak up on Frankie but he pulled out another gun and pointed it in his direction, “Don’t even think about it!” The biker shouted at him.
“What the fuck are you going to do, tough man?!” Frankie shouted back at him.
He put his guns away and said, “Get on your horses and leave, just hope we don’t see you again. Cunts.”
The bikers silently helped their friend up and jumped on their horses.
James stood up off the floor, “Phew!” He sniggered. “Thank God for Frankie!”
Jimmy scoffed, “Fucking typical!” he walked off by himself again and put his hood up.
“What’s his problem?” James asked.
“Well he did just,” Jared started. “He basically saved you from getting beaten up, and then you’re just grateful for Frankie…”
“Shut up JAR head!” James interrupted and laughed at his own joke.

“I'm bored!” James wailed.
Leana ignored him and continued walking.
“Jared,” Lizze began.
“Yeh?” Jared smiled at her.
“Look how FIT that surfer is!”
Jared looked away and muttered, “nice.”
“The first two are ugly fuckers though,” Lizze admired the surfers.
Jared hanged his head and smiled slightly. James and Frankie ran past him, either side and tripped him up again.
“Grow up you two!” Lizze shouted and helped Jared up. “You alright?” she frowned.
Jared stared at Lizze in admiration and smiled, “Aye, I'm fine.”
“Psssssst,” James hissed at Frankie. “You see those surfers? If they come any closer, I'm going to steal one of their surf boards!”
Frankie sniggered, “Leana will kill you!”
“Part of the fun,” James winked.
As the surfers passed them, James snatched one of their surf boards. When Leana heard Frankie’s loud laughing, she knew James was misbehaving. She turned round just as James ran passed her with a surf board in his arms.
“I am so sorry!” Leana desperately tried to apologise.
“Fucking hell!” Frankie cried. “I can’t breathe!”
Leana glared at him and continued to apologise to the surfer, as Lizze flirted with another one.
James came to a hill with the surf board in his hands. Trying to be cool, he tried to ride down the hill on the surf board but the board got stuck in the sand and toppled over, sending him and the board flying. He tumbled down the hill and stopped in an awkward position. The board landed on top of him, hitting him on his head.
“EPIC FAIL!” Frankie shouted down the hill, and then laughed.
James knew by the look of Leana’s face that he was in trouble. He struggled to stand up as his angry wife came storming down the hill. He pretended that he was hurt to try and get sympathy. Leana passed the surfer his board and apologised again.
“Jesus James!” Leana shouted.
“What?”
“Give it a rest! You almost got Jimmy killed with your stupidity, STOP this stupid behaviour!”
“How did I almost get Jimmy killed?!”
“They had a knife to his throat James!”
“I know,” James sniggered. “It was quite funny,”
Leana shook her head and smacked her husband.