What God Will Never Design

Much to James' relief, they were back in California by the next afternoon. “I miss Bri-bear so much!” James squealed, running into the door. Actually running into it. Leana sighed and put down all the suitcases to unlock the door.

James scowled and rubbed his forehead, but walked up the stairs after his wife. “That hurt babe” he moaned.

“James, it's a door, it isn't invisible” Leana told him.

“Blah blah blah,” he said mockingly. “Not invisible my ass” he added with a mutter.

Leana opened their bedroom door. Brian was lying on their bed, with nothing but a towel on. He turned around and smiled, “Why hello there” he said in a posh accent.

James screamed in excitement and jumped on top of his friend, who squealed in delight. Leana covered her eyes with her hand and muttered, “Oh my God, oh my God”

Jimmy came into the room, expecting to see his Dad in pain so he could laugh. Instead, what he found was seriously disturbing. His Dad was sitting on top of a naked man, kissing him.

Brian celebrated the occasion by setting of a party popper, which covered the whole room in confetti. “Yay!” Brian and James screamed in unison, holding their arms in the air like children. Jimmy exited the room silently, not willing to see any more of his Father's strange behaviour.

Lizze came in shortly after, ready to complain about all the noise that was going on, but instead, she screamed when she saw her favourite uncle. She jumped on the bed, joining James and Brian who were bouncing around excitedly. Leana followed Jimmy's idea, and left the room; wondering why on Earth she married James whilst he, Lizze and Brian were all screaming like high school girls.

Their celebrations were interrupted by a loud explosion. All three of them ran to the window, to see a police car lying on their lawn in flames. Frankie was sitting on a deck chair in the middle of the lawn, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth and an RPG in his hand. “Why the fuck are you in a towel?” he asked Brian.

“I had a shower, Gawd” Brian replied, shaking his head like it was a stupid question.

*_*_*

James sat up quickly; images from the horrible dream he just had spinning through his head. It was definitely something about a flying shark, but he couldn't remember all the details. With a sad sigh, he lay back down.

After a couple of moments however, he realised he was too thirsty to go back to sleep. Laziness overcame him and he picked up the glass of water by his bedside and tried to pour it in his mouth while he was still lying down. The water didn't really go in his mouth however, it ended up all over himself and Leana.

Fearing a telling off, he pretended to be asleep, snoring in a way that was obviously fake. Leana sat up and turned around to her husband, “I know you're awake James” she said.

James' fake snoring got louder, Leana let him carry on for a couple of minutes, hoping that he would just admit that he had done it. Quickly, she got annoyed by his childishness. “James, I know you're awake!” she shouted.

James sat up and wiped fake sleep from his eyes. “What? Oh babe, why did you wake me up” he said, acting surprised. “Babe... whys my head wet?” he asked in mock confusion.

Leana sighed, “You know why”

James sighed, louder than Leana's earlier sigh. “Babe, I told you I'm not into golden showers”

“Get out” Leana demanded furiously, pointing at the door.

James quietly obeyed, picking up his 'blankey' and leaving the room. He quietly went into Jimmy's room which he shared with his girlfriend, Kelsey.

Kelsey looked concerned, “What's wrong sweetie?” she asked kindly.

“I was kicked out” he sniffed, holding 'blankey' to his face and pouting.

“Come on in then” she smiled, letting James climb in the bed between her and Jimmy.