My Only One

A year passed since things in my life had got increasingly better and then fell apart at the snap of a finger. Alex and I hadn’t been in much contact since the day we broke up again and I wouldn’t have expected any less. With the stress of an upcoming baby and touring, I knew that talking to me wasn’t on the top of his list of things to do. I couldn’t blame him. I knew what he and Rachel had gone through—the 9 months of stress, making sure they had absolutely everything they needed and feeling like they didn’t have it all and didn’t have enough time until the baby arrived.
 
Charlie was 4 years old now and starting preschool in a few weeks when school started up. She kept asking me when Alex was coming back and I felt exactly like I did when I had to lie to her about who and where her father was. Every lie I told her she believed—what toddler wouldn’t?—and it made me sick to my stomach knowing that she wasn’t going to see Alex for a long time. In fact, throughout the year that passed, he only visited twice. Once on Christmas and on her 4th birthday. Each time to give her an abundance of presents she didn’t need. Charlie wouldn’t realize it because of her age, but I knew what he was doing. Buying her affection; showering her with gifts as an apology for not being around.
 
But now, Charlie would be able to see Alex a lot more.
 
It wasn’t exactly my choice, moving back to Baltimore, but it had to be done. My dad went to the hospital complaining of severe headaches and blurry vision. Turns out he has a bad case of brain cancer and was emitted into the hospital immediately. The doctors think they caught it too late. That he only has a few months left to live. My mom was getting too old to live on her own, and she refused to go to a nursing home and that left me no choice but to pack up Charlie’s and my life in California and move to Maryland.
 
The worst part about the move was giving up the daycare. I loved that place and the children we cared for with every cell in my body. That place had my heart and soul put into it and the looks I got from the kids when I told them I was leaving pained me. But I appointed my assistant manager as the manager and knew that the daycare would be in good hands and stay strong with her in charge. Another thing I would miss is Rikki. Alex had been right about her and Jack hitting it off—they’ve been dating for a few months now. I wouldn’t get to see her happy face every day anymore because she’s staying back at the apartment. She said it was “just in case you and Charlie ever come back to me.” And as much as I wish that would happen, I doubted it would.
 
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I felt a wave of déjà vu rush over me as Charlie and I boarded the plane and found our seats. I buckled her in and gave her a coloring book and a small pack of crayons to keep her occupied for a few hours while I pulled out The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.
 
I got 50 pages read and was about to turn the page and start the next one but Charlie's voice stopped me. "Yeah?" 
 
"I gotta potty." 
 
I inwardly groaned, not wanting to get up out of the seat. I had just got comfortable and didn't want to move any time soon. "Alright. Come on." 
 
I reached out and grabbed her tiny hand in mine, leading her towards the bathroom. Luckily there was no one inside and Charlie got her business done quickly. We went back to our seats and the flight seemed to go by faster the second time. 
 
————

My mom met us at the airport again. Except this time she had my older brother, Nathan, with her who I hadn't seen since I moved to California. He's 4 years older than I am and moved to Australia after he graduated college. 

"Nathan!" I exclaimed, picking up Charlie and running towards him. I gave my daughter off to my mom and hugged my brother. When he still lived at home, we were like two peas in a pod. We rarely argued and usually got along, despite the age difference. "I see Australia's done you well." 

He laughed. His tan skin glistening underneath the lights in the airport. "And it looks like California's done you some good as well, baby sister. And is that the famous Charlie I've heard all about over there?" 

I nodded. "Wanna see her?" 

My mom brought her over and at first, Charlie hid behind my legs at the presence of the stranger. "Charlie, this is your Uncle Nathan. Go give him a big hug, okay?" 

"Okay." She said, slowly going forward and walking into Nathan's wide arms. 

The house hadn't changed in the year since we left. Everything was in the same spot, the only difference was that my father's presence wasn't here anymore. It was weird, coming back home and not seeing him at home. Instead, we'd all have to drive around 20 minutes to go and visit him in the cancer ward of the hospital. 

We got our suitcases put in two separate rooms. They were right next to each other so if something were to happen to Charlie in the middle of the night, I'd be able to hear it and get to her quickly. I didn't bother unpacking, the first thing I wanted to do was see my dad. 

The car ride to the hospital was quiet. The radio was the only sound, except from the occasional time Charlie would try and sing along; more like mumbling her own words. When we got there my mom lead my brother, myself and Charlie to the room my dad was in. She knocked once before entering, we were met with a rush of cold air. My dad was lying on the hospital bed, lots of machines an wires hooked up to him. He looked like he was dying already. I didn't imagine him being this sick. Tears welled in my eyes at the sight in front of me. 

"H—hi, dad." I choked out. 

"Oh, sweetie. You made it." He took a sharp inhale of breath and slowly reached out for my hand.  "I'm so glad you're here." 

"There was no way I couldn't come." I told him, lightly squeezing his hand. "Charlie's here, too. Wanna see her?" 

He nodded. 

I sat her on the edge of the bed and had her back resting against my chest so she wouldn't fall. My dad got a smile on his face when he saw her. Just like he always did. 

"Hi, grandpa!" 

"Hi, baby girl." 

"Why are you here?" She asked. 

"Grandpa's really sick, sweetheart. So sick that I can't stay at home." 

"Oh." The smile on her face fell. 

"I'll uh, be right back. I'm gonna go get some fresh air." 

I couldn't handle it. As soon as I shut the door to the room, the tears I had been holding back broke free and ran down my cheeks. My dad was always the strong, level-headed person in my life and seeing him like he is now; so sick, defeated and lifeless. If I would've stayed in there any longer, I might've started crying in there like I am now. I walked through the hospital halls until I found the exit. I sat down on an empty bench and brought my knees up to my chest, looking out onto the street, watching the cars drive by. 

I sat there for what felt like an hour, but when I pulled out my phone, I realized it was actually only around 20 minutes. I stuffed my phone back in my bag and stood up, about to walk back inside the hospital until something stopped me in my tracks. 

"Aria, is that you? Are you okay?" 

I looked up and saw someone I hadn't seen since Charlie's 4th birthday. "Oh, y—yeah, I'm fine. Thanks, Alex." 

"What are you doing here?" 

"My dad's admitted in there. Cancer ward. Severe case of brain cancer." I told him. "What about you?" 

"Noah. He's uh, he's sick. I had to get something from the car for Rachel but I saw you... so I came to see if you were okay." 

"That's sweet, Alex. But go see to your family. I'll be fine." 

He patted my knee an got up. He started to walk away but turned back around. "You're my family, too, you know. So is Charlie. You two always will be." 

I couldn't say anything, in fear of tears threatening to spill again, so I just nodded and waved goodbye.