The Ant and the Boot

I pushed him away, grinding my teeth. I didn’t look in his face as I pulled my dress back over my shoulders, fastening it more tightly around my neck this time.

I was done with his games. I was done with all of his shit.

“No means no, Loki,” I snapped as his hand found mine. I jerked away, feeling sickness roll in my stomach. His hand clenched into a fist nest to me, squeezing the life out of the blanket he held in his hand.

I stood up, pushing my hair over my shoulders and trying to make it look decent. I swallowed hard. I needed space to breathe.

His hands caught me as I strode toward the door. I whirled on him, pushing him back again. He stumbled, his look indignant. His naked body was shadowed partially by the darkness, the other half bathed in moonlight. I ignored the part of myself that was drawn to him, at the moment wanting nothing more than to get away.

“Stay away from me, Loki. I mean it.”

There was anger in his eyes. He thought, of all things, that I was in the wrong. I knew that he blamed his behavior on the way I reacted when Tony entered. I didn’t give a damn what Loki justified himself with. I stared down at my arm where the word “wife” still shone black against my skin. It wasn’t an excuse. It never would be an excuse.

He gripped my shoulder as I fiddled angrily with the lock on the door, prying it open with my fingers. I shrugged him off, lips pressed tightly together in a thin line. He softened, arms wrapping lightly around my shoulders and lips brushing against my hair.

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.

“Bullshit,” I growled. I pushed him off, storming out the door and slamming it in his face before sprinting down the hallway. Let him follow, he wouldn’t catch me. Not in these halls that loathed him so much.

My anger began to dissipate as I ran, a little bit expelled with each breath. I was just so sick of all of it: sick of being alone, sick of being used. Sick of not knowing what the future held for me. I didn’t want to be the wife of a man that would rape me at night or have a child that would never find companionship in life. I didn’t hate Loki – I couldn’t, not with all the nights we’d shared – but I couldn’t love him right now.

I thought back to my psychology class back on earth, something that felt like a whole other lifetime ago. I realized uncomfortably that I was verging Stockholm syndrome. I knew I shouldn’t make self-diagnosis, but all the signs pointed that way.

Dammit. I couldn’t handle this.

It felt good to be out of his room. Ever since I’d been allowed out earlier that day I had been itching to go back out again. Inside that room I felt like I couldn’t think like myself, my thoughts suppressed by his influence. Out here I began to feel like myself again, the strength that had flooded out of me returning to my body and mind. It was probably Tony that brought me back to life: until I saw a mortal that was acting freely I hadn’t realized how much pain I had been in. I would have to thank him for that, if I were ever given the chance.

A cold hand gripped down hard on my shoulder. I spun, lashing out, thinking Loki had followed me here – or worse I had been found by some Asgardian who did not take kindly to mortals wandering about at night.

But it wasn’t Loki, or an Asgardian. The lights of his suit lit back into life and he smiled, though the expression didn’t reach his eyes.

“Out a little late, kid?” Tony asked. I sighed with relief, collapsing against his suit. It felt so good to be near someone else, someone who wasn’t Loki. He patted my back lightly, chuckling.

“Come on, let’s get back to my room before the gods smite us for sneaking around their halls.”

I followed him back to his room, my bare feet padding lightly on the floor next to his metal boots. I wound my arm through his metal one, just trying to keep that human closeness for as long as it could last. He didn’t push me away, understanding the turmoil that tore at my insides.

He closed his bedroom door behind us after we entered. His room was very much the same as Loki’s, perhaps a tad smaller and less personalized, but with a similar view and general layout. I sat down on the edge of the bed, happy to not be forced to remove my clothing. The last few days had shattered my confidence and frayed my nerves to the breaking point, leaving me brittle as cracked glass. Tony regarded me quietly as he removed the suit, leaving him in a basic jeans and t-shirt.

“I’d usually make a sex joke, but I don’t think now is the best time,” he said dryly, picking up the suit which now resembled a suitcase. I laughed ruefully, wrapping my arms around myself.

“You’ve heard?”

“Saw, actually, and I have to say that I’m deeply disturbed,” he replied. His face grew sober as he walked past me. “I was flying past and – well, let’s just say ever since I’ve been having fantasies about blasting off each of his testicles.”

“Graphic.”

“Well, what I saw was pretty graphic. I had to figure out a way to cope.”

He came and sat by me, resting his elbows on his knees. We sat in silence for a while until he sighed.

“What are you doing here, Dove? You don’t belong here. You shouldn’t be living like this. You should come home with me.”

“I wish I could.”

He glanced at me sidelong.

“Did he really knock you up?”

I laughed, shifting.

“You heard that rumor too? No, he didn’t. At least, I don’t know yet,” I replied, my voice growing soft as fear seized my heart. “He’s tried. I don’t know if he succeeded or not. I…”

He patted my arm as I trailed off, unable to find any more words.

“It’s okay, it’s not your fault.”

“I didn’t fight back.”

“But you’re fighting now.”

I looked at him and he grinned boyishly. I smiled back, too, though I couldn’t rid myself of the pain in my chest.

“So, are you going to come back with me?” Tony asked, pushing me fondly. “We could leave now if we wanted. Be back on earth before they even knew we were gone.”

“Unfortunately, no. The Asgardians would take offense.”

“I’ll send Point Break flowers. He’ll get over it.”

It was tempting. Very tempting. How much easier would it be to leave now and never have to see Loki again? To leave him here with his sins and his desires and continue on with my life?

Could I do that? Could it be that easy?

“I don’t know if he’ll ever let me go, Tony,” I said softly. I pulled my knees up to my chest, skirt resting lightly against my toes. He rubbed my back, sighing.

“I know, it’s scary. But I’ll keep you safe now, you hear? You can even take a guest room in Stark tower and lay low for a few days if you want. I promise he’ll never hurt you again.”

I knew Tony was being genuine, but I also knew that was a promise he couldn’t keep. If I had learned anything about Loki it was that he was damned resourceful and his vengeance was strong enough to take him to lengths I couldn’t even imagine. Wherever I ran to, wherever I hid – he would find me, and when he did his wrath would be so great that I would never escape again.

He watched me, reading my eyes like an open book.

“Hey, Dove, I want you to meet someone,” Tony said softly. I glanced up at him, raising an eyebrow.

“What?”

“My friend Mark. I think you two would get along.”

I watched him, my gaze growing skeptic. I cast my eyes around the room, expecting to see someone emerge from the shadows.

“Are you honestly trying to set me up with someone? Now?”

He laughed, winking. “Something like that. Just trust me.”

Trust me. That isn’t something I’d thought about for a long time. But I smiled, shaking my head and laughing.

“Okay, Tony. Where is he?”

He grinned, standing up and going to his suitcase.

“Right here,” he replied, pulling a smaller white suitcase out of his black one and handing it to me.

I knew what it was the moment the arc reactor in its chest illuminated into life. The silver-white package hummed in my hands, surprisingly light in my grip. I blinked at the suit, looking at it then at Tony.

“That’s the Mark 13,” Tony explained, laughing. “Try it on. It should fit you. I had to put it together pretty fast, but I already had most of the concept in planning.”

Wordlessly I stood, pressing the button at the top of the case. The feeling of the suit extending up my arm could only be equated to sticking my body arm first into a bucket of liquid lead, the substance congealing around my bones as it spread up and down my body like a growing metal animal. The plates came together with a soft click in only seconds, all but my face obscured. As I turned to look at myself the plates moved with me, comfortable and delicate as another skin. The only strange feeling was my skirt, bunching up under the armor, settling awkwardly on my hips.

“Good, it does fit. I was worried it would be a little large in the bust area: I always tend to remember people a little more generously than they actually are.”

I couldn’t reply. I just looked at myself speechlessly, opening and closing my palms, staring at the lasers in their center. They glowed softly. Tentatively I pointed my hands down and pointed my toes. As if reading my thoughts the suit whirred to life, lifting me several inches into the air.

“Look! She’s a natural,” Tony laughed, clapping. He pressed his heel against his own suit, the metal consuming his body as naturally as it did mine.

“Now, we’re going to take you on a test flight. Don’t worry, I’ll be behind you the entire time if something goes wrong,” he assured. I nodded, still too elated for words, before pushing myself into the air and out the window.

Flying seemed as natural to me as breathing, as if I’d been meant to be airborne my entire life and had just never had the wings to fly. I started laughing as Tony did the same, twisting through the air in wide arcs and scaling up the sides of buildings, lights and stars blurring together into one mass. I closed my eyes and let myself fall, spiraling downward in a dizzy dance before throwing myself back upward into the air. As I did the helmet snapped up over my face, projecting a screen in front of my eyes.

“Welcome back, Agent Lancaster,” a soft female voice said in my ear. Natasha.

“It’s good to be back, Agent Romanov,” I said giddily, spinning upward into the night sky.

In that moment all thoughts were banished from my mind: no thought of Loki, our child, my world, of anything – none intruded upon that one blissful moment of consciousness as I danced in the air on invisible wings. I closed my eyes and laughed, spinning in a graceful arc. In that moment I was truly free.



I watched her from the balcony, rising and falling in the air like a dancing bird or a rejoicing angel. I smiled, understanding the moment she was having: how it felt to truly come alive in the air, feeling the freedom it gave you – and the power. Loki wouldn’t be able to harm her as long as she was locked away behind that metal. I gave her the ability to fight back.

It was a long time before she came down, landing softly on the balcony next to me. She really was a natural. Her helmet pulled back and she smiled, blonde hair tumbling down her back.

“Thank you, Tony,” she said, her voice breathy and light. I patted her back.

“No problem, kid.”

She pressed the button to remove the suit, her skirt hanging on her hips with very little modesty as the Mark 13 transformed back into transport mode. She pulled it down over her long legs when she realized, but by then the damage had been done: I’d already received an eyeful of a body that, although not porn star or Pepper level, would fondly haunt my dirtier of dreams.

“You’ve got some legs on you,” I noted offhandedly, she blushed, though I couldn’t tell if it was leftover from her flight or current embarrassment. She still looked a little dazed, a giddy smile still pressed over her lips.

It was almost painful watching her sober. The smile slid off her lips and the pain crept back into her expression, even as she looked down at her suit.

“I have to return back to my room now, I guess,” she said softly. She picked up the suit, handing it back to me gingerly.

“Thank you, Tony,” she said, trying to smile. “That’s probably the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”

“You can just stay here the night,” I insisted. She smiled but shook her head, stepping away.

“I can’t, Asgardians are very protective over their… property,” she said, wincing on the last word. “Besides, I don’t want to intrude on your sleep with my legs.”

“Just don’t,” I said. “I’ll smooth it over with Thor. Don’t go back to him. Hell, he’ll probably hurt you for running away. Just… don’t do it.”

She laughed, a sad sound, and patted my arm.

“It’s not Thor I’m worried about,” she replied. “But if he tries anything I’ll run back here right away, okay? I promise.”

She hugged me once before slipping out the door. As she drew away from me I noticed an odd mark on her arm, but she moved too fast for me to read it. I watched her go, wondering what sense of duty or sick addiction drew her back to the bed of that man. I hope that I’d be able to free her of whatever bind he had over her. I swore to myself I would – even if I had to fight him to end it.



It was nearly dawn when she slipped back into the room, closing the door quietly behind her. I heard her enter but made no motion, staring up vacantly at the ceiling. This was the only way I could control my anger, my pain for her running from me.

I knew it was my fault. I knew I had damaged her beyond repair and it was only for this reason that she ran away. If I hadn’t pushed her to such lengths, taken so much of my anger and frustration out upon her flesh – maybe then she would have stayed, would have loved me even. But I had been cruel, and in return she had been cruel to me.

She didn’t come to bed. Instead she walked to the balcony, her silhouette lovely in the moonlight, staring up at the stars. She sighed softly, her skin soaking in the moon beams as she trailed her fingers over the stone sill. She hummed for a while then began to sing, her voice soft and lovely. I listened, closing my eyes and drinking in the sound of her voice.

“Little darling, it’s been a long, cold, lonely winter,
Little darling, it seems like years since you’ve been here.
Here comes the sun, do do do do, Here comes the sun,
And I say – it’s alright.”

Her voice trailed off as she bowed her head, pale hair falling in front of her face. Only then did I stand, walking up behind her and wrapping my arms around her shoulders. We stood like that for a long time, still as statues in each other’s company.

“I hate you,” she whispered at last, voice soft as a breath. I kissed her temple lightly.

I love you, too.

She sighed, her knuckles turning white on the stone. I took her fist in my hand, only then bringing her to bed. I wrapped her in my arms beneath the blankets, holding fast to her soft skin until we were asleep.

I slept long and deeply, Dove vanishing from my side. As I slept, I also dreamed.

Welcome back to us, Loki.