Hurts Like Heaven

“Are you sure you know where we are going?” Gabriel asks with a sliver of worry in his hushed voice.

Maddie bit her lower lip to keep from laughing at how paranoid he was acting as they hiked through the forest. About half an hour ago they had strayed off the path that ordinary hikers frequently take, but she knew unerringly where she was going. It was a special place that only her mother and father showed her when she was a little girl, but Maddie continued to visit the spot whenever she could. In all of her trips she had made to the secluded area she had never encountered a dangerous animal, but that still wasn’t very reassuring to Gabriel who was almost convinced that they were going to get attacked by a bear. The sun is actually shining dazzlingly after a week of overcast weather and heavy rain, but Maddie knows that the warmth won’t last for long.

‘It never does.’

“For a hockey player you’re not very tough.” Maddie says lightheartedly, “Besides, you’re the one who wanted to go on an adventure since you don’t have practice today.”

He pouts and stuffs his hands in the pockets of his jacket, “By adventure I didn’t mean getting murdered in the forest by some psychopath.”

“You and Ryan watch too many movies.” She mutters as she steps over a fallen oak tree.

Gabriel continues to trail behind her into the depths of the forest, the sound of leaves crunching underneath her boots seem to resonate throughout the tranquil forest. As they get closer to their destination, Gabriel can hear birds chirping blissfully and little squirrels rustling through the bushes.

“We’re almost there, I promise.” Maddie smiles at him over her shoulder.

She was right, and within a few minutes the pair was stepping out from the clutter of trees, and out into an open field. It was a lot larger than a football field, but Gabriel was too lost in thought with the unfamiliar scenery to even notice. The grass was flourishing and emerald from all of the rain that had poured down on it; giant sunflowers were stretched across a section of the field, and a thin sized creek was surrounded by rocks, nearly making it imperceptible, but Gabriel could hear the water running. When he glanced over at Maddie, she was standing just a few inches away from him, staring at the serrated hilltops in front of her, sections of them were already covered in frozen snow. The meadow was clear, making it easy for their eyes to take in miles and miles of the stunning backdrop. The air was crisp like a freshly picked apple straight from the tree, yet the negligible gusts of wind made it feel like he was being jabbed by icicles repeatedly in the face and it made the tip of his nose burn.

Maddie wordlessly steps forward and plops down on a decent sized rock near the creek. Her brown eyes are wide as she slowly takes everything in, she looks like she’s at peace with herself, but Gabriel can still tell there’s something on her mind. What he would give just to take a glimpse of what’s going on in her busy mind, he wondered if she was sad from all of the nostalgia that the peaceful meadow endowed on her or if she was just sad that she had brought Gabriel instead of her parents.

“Talk to me.”

She jumps when his voice breaks through the stillness of the meadow, “About what?”

“I don’t know,” He shrugs nonchalantly; “Something is bothering you.”

“How do you know?” She scoots over when Gabriel sits next to her on the rock, ‘the pride rock’ she had deemed it as a child due to its horizontal surface and how it jutted out over the creek, much like how the pride rock in the Lion King jutted over Simba’s kingdom.

“I just know… You’re kind of easy to read.” He admits sheepishly.

It was a complete lie though; Gabriel never met a woman who put up such a strong façade like Maddie did.

She sighs and presses her palm to her icy cheek, “I-I think I’m just really stressed out with school and everything.”

“You’re lying.” He murmurs with somewhat of an offended tone, probably from the fact that she thought she could keep something that was bothering her all bottled up and away from Gabriel.

She glances at him for a moment, taking notice of his prominent blue eyes. Maddie had never been envious of a male before, but for the couple of weeks she had known Gabriel she wished that she could have been blessed with her dad’s blue eyes instead of her mother’s brown ones. It was something Maddie heard all the time from family members, how she looked so much like her mom with her brown hair, brown eyes, and same exact smile.

She completely detested that.

Why would Maddie want to be anything like the woman who abandoned her?

“Do you ever do something you don’t want to do just so you don’t disappoint others?” Maddie asks and shifts around apprehensively on the rock, “It has always been about me doing what’s best for everyone; it’s like no one even cares what I want to do with my life. Everyone has all of these high expectations for me, especially my father and I can’t do what I love without disappointing him. I don’t want to be a lawyer or a doctor like he wants me to be, but I don’t even know what I want to do with my life yet. I’m only 18 and I know that’s considered an adult, but that’s way too young of an age to decide what I want to do for the rest of my life.”

She shakes her head and ignores the burning sensation in her eyes; she hasn’t cried in nearly ten years, and she didn’t intend on starting anytime soon.

“That’s one of the worst feelings in the world, that you’re worthless and a waste of space.”

“You are not worthless Maddie,” He says decisively, “And the choices you make in life shouldn’t be decided by others, even if it’s your own father. Everything you do should be for only you and no one else. I know that’s just how you are though; always wanting to have everyone’s approval, but you can’t please everyone in life Maddie.”

“He’s my father though, I just--“ She pauses for a moment and chokes back the lump in her throat, “He’s already had enough disappointment in his life, I just don’t want to make it even worse.”

“You’re his daughter, he should be proud of you no matter what.”

“I guess.” She whispers, still insecure with herself.

“You miss her, don’t you? Your mother?” He asks seemingly out of nowhere, “I can tell it upsets you when you talk about her, your eyes get all dark and your face gets pale.”

“I want to know why she just got up and left my father and me, and the fact that I will probably never know is what hurts the most. She is my mother though, and I could never hate her even if she left my father and me.” Maddie sighs inaudibly, “I hope she’s happy where ever she is.”

“I bet she thinks about you every day, probably regretting that she abandoned someone as special as you.” He whispers and reaches out towards Maddie, the pad of his thumb grazes her cheek and she sends him a feeble smile.

They both sit on the rock in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the beautiful meadow and watching little squirrels and rabbits play around. With all of the little critters and deer roaming around, it looks like it could be a scene from a Disney movie, and it just seems too perfect to actually be real. It was so simple, but for some reason that’s what made it so beautiful. Gabriel wondered if places existed like this in Sweden, they probably did but he never would have been able to discover them.

“What?” Maddie asks when she catches Gabriel staring at her.

“Nothing,” He answers innocently, “You just have a pretty face.”

She giggles and the soft sound is infectious, “Thanks… you have a pretty face too, Gabe.”

He laughs with her and snatches the beanie from her head, “I know.”

“How can you possibly eat that much?”

Maddie watches in disbelief as the waitress sets down a huge steak with a mountain of fries and a salad on the side in front of him; she knew that athletes could eat a lot, and it didn’t really help that they hadn’t eaten anything since noon and it was now 9 at night and they had just gotten back from hiking around in the forest all day. Being at the meadow with Gabriel had been a bit emotional to say the least. She had never brought anyone with her, and she was still in shock that she had shared something so personal with this boy she had only known for a few weeks.

“I am a professional athlete, I need food to grow.” He says as he stabs a piece of lettuce with his fork, his face scrunches up as he eats it, but if his mom found out he hadn’t been eating somewhat healthy she would fly all the way from Stockholm to kick his ass.

Maddie snorts, “Yeah, because you’re not already huge enough.”

She knew he wasn’t the biggest guy on the team, but he was undeniably a lot larger than her average 5’7 height. Maddie had never been too insecure with her appearance, she knew she was just average looking with no special features and she was okay with that.

Until she met Gabriel Landeskog.

He definitely gave Maddie doubts about herself and constantly made her wonder why he was even talking to her in the first place. Why did he even acknowledge her existence when he could be hanging with prettier and smarter women than her? Maddie nibbled on a French fry and wondered what she looked like through his eyes; did he think she was pretty? Or did he just see her as average?

“What made you talk to me that day in the diner?” She asked and was startled with how straightforward she was being.

He’s clearly taken aback by her question, but answers without any hesitation, “Your eyes.”

“What about my eyes?”

“I just…I don’t know why actually, it was something about your eyes that caught my attention.” Gabriel murmurs and stares into her honey coloured eyes, “They just seemed so warm and inviting, and then I started talking to you and you were so nice to me. It was just a breath of fresh air being able to talk to someone who was genuinely interested in my personal life rather than my career.”

“You’re the closest I’ll ever get to being home while I’m in Colorado.” He finishes with a soft sigh.

Maddie’s face felt hot and she knew she was blushing.

Gabriel smiled at how bashful she seemed to get, he loved how he could tell her a compliment and she would just blush and get all shy. He liked telling her how pretty and smart she is because he knew that she didn’t get a lot of compliments. She was very introverted, always keeping her thoughts to herself out of some sort of irrational fear. She aimlessly plays with the end of one of her curls with her thumb and index finger, he had learned it was just a habit she did randomly. She had many quirks that Gabriel has discovered in a short amount of time, little actions that she probably isn’t aware of.

She took a sip of her Dr. Pepper and smiled sheepishly at him, “You’re really too kind to me, Gabriel.”

He perked up a little at the sound of his full name rolling off her tongue. The sweet tone of her voice sent shivers down his spine and he hastily took a gulp of his water, a futile attempt to keep his composure.

“Not really, I’m just telling the truth.” He shrugs.

She doesn’t say anything nor does Gabriel; instead they both finish their food with content smiles on their faces. His kind words have put Maddie’s mind to ease, and she doesn’t feel quite so insecure any longer. He could have easily been lying to her, but for some reason she just knew that his words had been honest. There was an intense and pleasant feeling in the pit of her stomach that extended all the way to her heart, and she just knew that everything was going to be OK. She had made a new friend, which was very rare for someone like her. All of her life she had been constantly faded into the background of her surroundings; hardly being noticed by people on a superior level than her. Her dad had called her weird numerous times for not having a lot of friends like most teenagers do, and for the longest time she believed him.

Sitting across from Gabriel, watching him pick at his salad with a revolted look on his face, Maddie realized her dad had been wrong about her all along. Just because she’s never had a lot of friends didn’t mean that she was weird, she just knew how life really works. She knew how cruel people could be and how easily they can turn their backs on you. One day someone can be your best friend, the next day they have become your worst enemy.

“Are you ready to go home?” Gabriel’s deep voice shatters her thoughts as he pulls his wallet out of his pocket.

“You don’t have to pay.” She ignores his question.

“I ate the most which means I pay.”

“Fine.” Maddie says, laughing.

After Gabriel gets his credit card back and throws a 5 down onto the table, they both walk out to her truck. As he slid into the passenger seat of the pickup, Maddie was surprised he didn’t acknowledge the ‘crappiness’ of the Chevy. When she settled into the driver’s seat she realized that he was probably too full and tired to even care. The drive was silent and some Journey song that was playing on the radio was the only noise that could be heard in the car. Maddie could hear Gabriel softly humming along to the words of the song, and she smiled as she continued to listen to him.

“What street is it on?” Maddie asked softly, not wanting to startle him in his lethargic state.

“Make a left up here and it will be on a street called Acoma.” He answered just as quietly.

She hid her disappointment when she pulled up to the 17 story apartment complex a few minutes later. The building was beautiful and Maddie imagined how beautiful the apartments must have looked as well. Gabriel yawned and unbuckled his seatbelt; his eyes momentarily gaze up at the building.

“I guess this is where I say goodbye, älskar” He smiles, glad that she doesn’t know Swedish.

She blushes, “Bye Gabe.”

He leans forward and presses a chaste kiss to her smooth cheek, “Bye Maddie, drive safely.”

She merely nods and watches as he exits the car reluctantly and saunters to the lobby of the building, throwing her one last smile over her shoulder as the automatic doors slide open. When he’s out of sight, Maddie lets out a deep breath that she didn’t even know she had been holding in. Her heart was pounding wrathfully just from that small kiss on the cheek.

‘That man is going to be the death of me, I swear.’