Hurts Like Heaven

“I can’t tell you… at least not right now.” Maddie murmured and watched as Gabriel’s face fell.

Maybe he thought she didn’t trust him, but the more Maddie thought about it, she had only known Gabriel for a few weeks. She knew he wouldn’t understand because that’s just how Gabriel was. He wore his heart on a chain of gold and found trust within everyone he met, including Maddie. He was frustrated that she couldn’t trust him back, but he also didn’t seem to understand that Maddie and him were complete polar opposites. After her mother left her, she was raised to not trust anyone, especially men for that matter. His sapphire eyes were penetrating a hole through her head, and Maddie wasn’t sure if she could handle the intensity of this conversation. She had never seen Gabriel get angry before, and she hoped that he wouldn’t now.

His fingers slid underneath Maddie’s chin and pulled up, “He hurt you badly, didn’t he?” His eyes softened when he finally met her depressing, dark eyes, “I won’t do that to you Maddie, I won’t hurt you or break your trust.”

“And how am I supposed to know if you’re telling the truth? Do you know how many times I have heard that?”

He grabbed her face in both of her hands, “I don’t know how to prove it to you Maddie, I don’t know how to make you see that I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’ve only known you for a month.” She argued, now getting frustrated, “You keep making all of these promises about how you won’t hurt me or leave me, but what happens a couple of month later when you get tired of me? When you realise that I’m not as great as you make me out to be and you start learning all of these dark secrets? You’re promises mean nothing to me right now.”

His demeanor alleviated and Maddie was sure she saw his eyes gloss over, “Maddie, I--“

“Please don’t make me cry,” She whimpered as the back of her eyes burned and a lump formed in her throat, “I don’t want to talk about this.”

“You can’t just keep acting so strong all the time, you’re going to have to talk about it one day. If you don’t you’re just going to keep getting hurt.” He crushes Maddie against his body, slipping his arms around her waist and almost flinching when he felt her arms slide around his neck guardedly. He hadn’t been expecting her to return the small sentiment, but he was grateful that she did. Maddie said something, but her voice was muffled against his shoulder.

“I’m starting to trust you and that’s what scares me.” She said more clearly the second time.

“Don’t be scared Maddie, I would never do anything to break that trust. I won’t hurt you like he did, and I never go back on my word.”

She lifted her head up and Gabriel shivered when he felt her lips near his ear, “I suppose he broke my heart, just like everyone else.”

The way she said it made Gabriel feel terrible, she sounded so vulnerable as her voice wavered and jumped across a few octaves. Her hands were trembling as well as her breath and he heard her quiet whimpers. He felt guilty, having to see her in the current state she was in, but he knew that it was good for her to cry and let it all out. Gabriel wanted to know more about this Travis guys, but he decided not to push it for right now.

A feeble laugh fell from her mouth and she reluctantly pulled away, wiping her eyes, “I’m starting to think you’re bringing the worst out of me.”

Gabriel gave her an apologetic smile and decided it was a good time to change the subject, “Do you still want to watch that movie? You look kind of tired.”

“Please,” She scoffed and gently tugged Gabriel’s arm, “I am a grown ass woman, I can stay up past midnight.”

“Hm, are you sure about that?” Gabe teased as she flopped down onto the couch, “Seems like you couldn’t even stay awake in car.”

“I was resting my eyes!” She shot back defensively and rested her head on his hard shoulder as he searched for something to watch on Netflix. They argued for the longest time over something so simple, Gabriel wanted to watch a movie with jumpscares and violence while Maddie wanted to watch… well, anything that wasn’t scary. She had a weak stomach and couldn’t handle that much blood.

‘You get sick at the sight of blood but your friend is a hockey player, how ironic.’ Maddie thought to herself, shaking her head with a smile on her face. It was just another difference between the odd couple, nothing quite new to be honest. By now they had both gotten used to each other’s personalities, but Maddie liked to think that’s what kept their friendship going strong. Maddie knew that if you get two people who have the same interests, hobbies, and even personalities, that it isn’t going to end well between those two.

“What is it about?” Gabriel asked when the pair finally came to a mutual agreement to watch The Crow, one of Maddie’s personal favourites.

“Well if I told you then there wouldn’t really be a point in watching it, now would there?”

He huffed as he tugged the blue and yellow throw blanket that was on the arm of the couch and tossed it over both of their laps, “All I’m saying is there better be violence and explosions.”

“You are such a typical male sometimes, it is actually painful to watch.” Maddie joked and tucked her knees underneath her chin, trying to get comfortable as the movie started. It was hard to concentrate on the sinister, gruesome movie when Gabriel’s arm was wrapped around her shoulders and pulling her into his warm frame. He had that typical boyish smell; Axe and probably some generic brand of shampoo, but the simplicity of the aroma made it intoxicating. She rested her head on his chest, seeking comfort from whatever had been previously troubling her weary mind. She wondered if female and male friends ever did what her and Gabe were doing, if they ever cuddled like they were. She wasn’t really sure how her and Gabriel’s relationship should be and what was crossing the line; she never had any type of friendships with guys her age so she really had nothing to compare it to.

“Looking a little tired there sleeping beauty.” Gabriel murmured when he gazed down at her and saw her eyes drooping within the first 10 minutes of the movie.

Maddie blushed, “No, just thinking.”

They both directed their attention back to the movie, completely enthralled by Brandon Lee’s character. Maddie could tell that Gabriel was enjoying the movie, just like she knew he would. It had a ton of action and violence in it, but it also had a depressing storyline which actually made it tolerable for Maddie to watch. She hated it when Sara made her watch movies that had nothing but gore and brutality with no credible storyline.

Maddie turned her head against his chest, hearing his heart beat. For some reason the muffled thumps comforted her just as much as being in his arms, it made her realize that he was really there with her. This human being, who had been so sweet to her and showed her nothing but kindness, was actually starting to gain her trust. She let that soak in for a few seconds, not really sure of what to make of the sudden realization. She didn’t know if she was terrified or thrilled, and she wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to let him see her in such vulnerable conditions just like he had previously seen.

She glanced at his face for a few seconds, noticing how concentrated he was on the movie and how engrossed he seemed to be to be in that moment. His blue eyes were extensive as he watched a gruesome scene from the movie where a man was being stabbed multiple times, despite the intensity of the movie, Gabriel’s eyes held somewhat of a quality of virtuousness. There was a dazzling light that shined within those stunning blue orbs, a light that shined so bright it almost made Maddie envious. She wondered if all athletes, especially hockey players, had that characteristic attribute that made them seem so strong.

It had only felt like seconds as Maddie dozed off, but it was obviously quite longer than that. She was startled when Gabriel kindheartedly shook her shoulder and woke her up from her light sleep.

“I guess I should be getting home.” She looked over at the clock hanging on the wall across from them, it was nearly 2 in the morning.

Gabriel stretched his arms as he yawned, “No, just stay here for tonight. I think both of us are a little too tired to drive right now, and before you even think about it, I’m not letting you walk home.”

Maddie nodded, too tired to argue, “Do you have anything I can wear? Preferably something warm.”

He helped her up from the couch and placed his hand on the small of her back, leading her to his bedroom. The situation would have been awkward for any other male/female friendship, but they were both tired and wanted nothing more than to just get some sleep. He pulled some clothes out of his closet and handed them to her before grabbing clothes of his own.

“I’ll just get changed in the bathroom.” He said uneasily after the pair stared at each other for a couple of moments. She was starting to think it was a bad idea to stay at his place overnight. What if she woke up and her curly hair was sticking out in every direction, or what if she drooled in her sleep? She sighed and contemplated just leaving, but after a few just decided to stay in the cozy apartment. She replaced her regular clothes for Gabe’s Kitchener Rangers sweatshirt and black mesh shorts. She tried desperately to keep the oversized shorts from sagging, but the attempt was unsuccessful.

“Having a little trouble there?” Gabe’s deep voice spoke from the doorway of the bathroom and laughed when she scowled at him. He was wearing a thin white t-shirt and a pair of black sweats, his hair was a disorganized mess that still seemed to look faultless on him. He jumped onto the bed, lying face down in the pillows and rolling around in the comforter. It was actually quite amusing to watch.

“Yeah, your butt is too big and now these shorts won’t stay up.”

“Hey,” his eyes narrowed and Maddie saw that mischievous look in his blue eyes, “Don’t insult the money maker, I see you staring at it when you don’t think I’m looking .”

She rolled her eyes and slid in the bed, trying to stay as far away from him as Maddie could.

“I don’t bite y’know… unless you want me to.” He murmured and attempted to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively, but just ended up failing in the process. Maddie sighed, the turmoil that was going on in her mind was appalling. She knew that this was a bad idea, they were just supposed to be friends and now she was starting to have all of these different thoughts about him. Gabriel gazed at her for a few more moments, and Maddie felt insignificant and small under his stare. She finally moved closer to him, blushing when his arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her in. She felt like she had just been engulfed by a tidal wave and she was drowning in his warmth and affection. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the corner of Maddie’s lips before resting his chin on the top of her head and relaxing into the heavenly mattress. Maddie’s heart felt like it was ready to just burst out of her chest and she swiftly shut her eyes.

He had only added to her inner turmoil.

“See? I’m perfectly harmless.” He whispered as one of his hands settled on Maddie’s back contentedly.

Maddie knew he was far from harmless. Right now, Gabriel Landeskog was the most dangerous person she knew.

Gabriel awoke the next morning, feeling completely rejuvenated from the long night of sleep he had gotten.

He squinted his eyes as the bright rays of the sun filtered through the curtains of his bedroom windows, it was the only thing he really hated about the apartment and the floor-to-ceiling windows. He could feel Maddie’s curly tresses tickling his shoulder and her warm breath through the thin cotton material of his shirt. It felt nice not to wake up in a lonely apartment, and he wondered if he could convince Maddie to stay over at his place more often. Gabriel loved his job and all, but being away from his friends and family oftentimes made him feel abandoned. It was peculiar how Maddie could make that loneliness go away just by being in the same room as Gabriel.

He smoothed down her wild curls and brushed a lock of thick hair from her face, she looked peaceful as she slept; the most peaceful he had ever seen her besides that day in the meadow. Her eyebrows furrowed at the sudden touch and she tugged the comforter further up her body, stopping right below her eyes. She relaxed again and melted against Gabriel’s body, burrowing her face into the crook of his neck.

“What time is it?” She mumbled, her voice tired and lethargic.

Did she not get a good night of sleep?

“Almost 8, go back to sleep.” He ordered softly and ran his hand down her back. The sweatshirt he had loaned her had ridden up her torso in the slightest bit and Gabriel nearly flinched when his fingers unexpectedly came in contact with the warm skin. She seemed too lethargic to really care so Gabriel kept his hand there and rubbed the smooth skin comfortingly.

“Gabriel?” She whispered after a few moments and turned her head so she was looking into his half-lidded eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Is this a bad idea? I mean, what’s going on between us.”

“What do you mean?” He questioned, confusion starting to form on his features.

Maddie shook her head, “Never mind, it’s just a stupid thought anyways.”

“It’s okay, you can tell me.”

“What’s going on between us? Friends don’t act like this.” She blushed and tried to conceal her face against his neck.

“I don’t know,” Gabriel mumbled and Maddie already hated where this conversation was going, “I’ve never really thought about it, I guess. I just thought we were friends and this is how friends are supposed to act.”

Maddie stayed silent, she didn’t know what to say in a situation like this. He was still rubbing her back and she felt her cheeks burn viciously, she felt stupid for bringing the topic up in the first place. Now Maddie knew why always chose to stay quiet, when she opened her mouth something idiotic always seemed to come out. She kicked the comforter off of her and decided it was a good time to get up. Her and Gabriel had taken naps together before and she had never thought much of it, but the way Gabriel had been holding her and rubbing her back and nearly giving her a real kiss… friends aren’t like this.

“Maddie,” She heard Gabriel sigh quietly, “I’m sorry if you thought I was… into you or something” He muttered awkwardly, making the whole situation worse, “I just thought… well I don’t know what I was thinking. It’s just that—“

“You don’t have to explain anything to me Gabe, I told you it was a stupid thought anyways.” She snapped, not understanding why she was suddenly so upset. She should have know this would happen, she was already getting too attached to him and it was starting to hurt her.

“I-I’m really sorry, I didn’t think I was leading you on or anything,” He said shakily, obviously forgetting about how affectionate he had been last night. Sure he hadn’t actually kissed her or really did anything drastic, but she was really starting to wonder what his definition of ‘friendship’ was. Did this mean he treated all of his female friends like this? Maddie sighed as Gabriel apologized and she suddenly felt a headache coming on.

“Gabe, don’t even worry about it. I was just confused, I’ve never really had a friend who’s a guy and--” She turned around and finally looked him in the eyes. The blue almost seemed to be a darker colour and he genuinely looked sad. She felt so idiotic for thinking someone like Gabe could actually like her more than a friend, but at least now she knew for sure.

“What about Travis?” He asked nonchalantly.

“Travis was never my friend!” She yelled angrily, “He’s a completely different story, so don’t even bring him into this.”

His eyes widen at Maddie’s behaviour, she has never gotten this mad, “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know, I know.” Maddie pinched the bridge of her nose, “Let’s just drop it, okay?”

“Are you sure? I feel really bad now.” He whispered and his head lowered dejectedly, he didn’t mean to hurt anyone, especially Maddie.

“Yeah, don’t feel bad. We’re still friends and that won’t change, I don’t even know why I brought it up” Maddie said just as quietly and looked at the digital clock on his nightstand, “I should be leaving anyways.”

“Maddie, you don’t have to—“

“No, no” She shook her head and picked up her clothes that were folded neatly on his desk, “I have an important test to study for and Sara probably needs my help.”

“Oh,” He seemed completely crestfallen, “Okay then.”

She walked into his bathroom and stripped off the clothes that Gabriel had loaned her, pulling on a pair of skinny jeans and the black tank top she had been wearing under her Avalanche hoodie. She glanced at herself in the mirror, realizing just how unbeautiful she was. Her chocolate coloured locks were still in appealing, natural curls, except now they were a little more frizzy and slightly disorganized. She had wiped off all of her makeup last night, revealing a few random freckles, or angel kisses as her Grandma used to call them, and even a small zit on her forehead that she had gotten from all the stress that she has been going through. She ruffled her wavy bangs so it was covering the zit and continued to scrutinize herself. The only thing she really liked about herself were her eyes, and even now the golden orbs were muddy and gloomy.

She was starting to feel extremely self conscious once again, just like she constantly felt when she had been dating Travis. She stared at her torso for a moment, and nearly cringed right away. She had had a conspicuous scar near the top of her chest that she had gotten when a dog attacked her a few years ago, she always thought the scar was gross with its purplish tint. She ignored the burning sensation that started to form in her eyes and pulled her Avalanche hoodie over her head and brushed her curls into a high ponytail, pinning her bangs backs into a small poof.

“Why don’t you at least stay for breakfast?” Gabriel asked when Maddie exited the bedroom.

She hesitated and almost said no until he looked at her with those beautiful eyes, “Okay, Gabe.”

He perked up at Maddie’s words, and she found it nearly impossible to be upset with him in the slightest bit. She sat down on the couch and turned the TV onto ESPN, zoning out instantly. She actually hated ESPN and their biased views on athletes, but she didn’t even care at this point. She sunk into the leather cushions and rested her feet on the coffee table, knowing Gabriel didn’t care.

“How do you like your eggs?” Gabriel called from the kitchen.

“Over easy.” She responded, not bothering to turn around to face him.

“Scrambled it is.”

She laughed at his minimal abilities in the kitchen, she thought the Swedish were usually good when it comes to cooking. Maddie wasn’t going to tease him about it though; it’s not like she knew how to cook very well either. Being raised solely by her father with a few women in her family, she never really had a female influence in her life. Sure, she had aunts, female cousins, and a grandma, but most of them lived far away and Maddie rarely saw them. It kind of made her sad when she looked back on it and realized just how much she missed out on a lot of activities daughters oftentimes did with their mothers. Going shopping, learning how to use makeup, even getting ready for her high school prom; she never had anyone to help her with any of those things.

“Here you go Maddie.” Gabriel sat down on the sectional part of the couch and handed Maddie a plate full of eggs, bacon, and toast.

“Thank you.” She mumbled and directed her attention back to the TV, where they were talking about Tom Brady and the Patriots’ chances of going to the Superbowl. She scoffed and shook her head, she had never liked Tom Brady but she wasn’t going to deny that he was very talented on the field.

“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Gabriel asked after Sports Centre went to a commercial. Maddie could tell he was avoiding the conversation they had just had in the bedroom, but she didn’t really care. She wanted to forget about it just as much as Gabriel did.

“Just going back home, we always have a huge dinner because everyone on my dad’s side of the family always brings their friends or whatever.” She shrugged and tried not to get excited. She loved going home for the holidays because even though she didn’t have a lot of relatives, her dad always invited a ton of people to dinner.

“Oh, sounds fun.” He murmured and shoved a piece of toast in his mouth.

“Are you going to be with your family?” Maddie asked softly and turned so she was facing him.

“Nah, we don’t really celebrate it in Sweden. I mean we all get together and everything but it’s just… different, I suppose. Besides, I would be too tired after flying all the way to Sweden and back to the U.S. within a day.”

He sounded kind of sad and Maddie knew that no one deserved to be alone on the holidays, “Well, why don’t you just have Thanksgiving with my family?”

“Oh no,” He shook his head and gave Maddie a grateful smile, “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your guy’s dinner or anything.”

“You won’t be intruding, my family would love to meet you anyways. My cousins will probably be bugging you about hockey, but I don’t think you will mind. Besides, my grandparents always cook enough to feed the whole town so I’m sure there will be enough for you as well.”

That dorky grin crosses his features, “You’re the best.”

“And don’t you forget it Landeskog.”

She was smiling, but she wondered if it was a good idea to invite him. She had those distinctive relatives who were always asking her if she had finally found a boyfriend, and Maddie knew that the second all of those female relatives saw Gabe, they were going to go in for the kill. Her family was filled with perverted women, and if they knew that Gabriel and Maddie weren’t together, then they were probably going to try to flirt with him and humiliate Maddie. To be honest, the men in her family were a lot more bearable than the women.

“What’s wrong?” Gabriel asked when he noticed the worried look on her face.

“The women in my family can be kind of… psycho at times. Don’t be surprised if one of my aunts or cousins tries to touch your butt or pinch your cheeks.”

He grins and Maddie didn’t know what she was thinking when she said that, Gabriel was one of those people who liked having all of the attention.

“Well, they don’t call me ‘Gabe the Babe’ for nothing.”