Things Change

We wasted the day downtown, looking in little shops and showing the boys our favorite places to go, like the walking bridge. We eventually had to go back because I had to go to class. It killed me to leave Jordan alone at the apartment, knowing that he was going to be gone for who knew how long, but Brooke had convinced me that we had already missed too much school and I should definitely go to my class.

I left Jordan watching TV in my room and sat in class for two hours agonizing about having to say good-bye to him in a few hours. As soon as class was over and I was walking home my phone rang. Brooke hurriedly began telling me about her situation with Giroux and I gave her the best advice I could think of. Honestly, sometimes I didn’t understand that girl. Why couldn’t she just see that she had a good guy in front of her and leave it at that. Before I knew it I was back at my apartment so I hung up the phone and went to see what Jordan was up to.

When I walked in all I could smell was incredible food. I looked at the table, shocked at the amazing looking chicken and salad that Jordan had made.

“I thought I’d make an early supper. I knew I’d have time – who the fuck has two hour classes anyway – and I thought this could be like, our last little date for a while. Ashley said I could just use whatever I wanted.”

“Well it’s not like we cook anyway. This stuff wouldn’t get eaten otherwise. Oh my God, Jordan! That’s so sweet! Thank you,” I walked up to him and kissed him. I put my books in on my bed and came back out to sit at the table. “This is amazing you know. I can’t believe you can just make shit like this. I can’t even make fucking pancakes without burning down the apartment.”

“Well, I’ll teach you over the summer. I plan on having lots of time to show you all my tricks.”

We ate slowly, enjoying everything and our last bit of time together and as I was washing dishes I felt him come up behind me. As he wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck I started to tear up. This was the first time I was actually letting it hit me that he was going – for months, maybe. I turned around to face him and started kissing him back. “We’ve got like, an hour. Who needs to do dishes anyway, right?” I whispered and started pushing him towards my room. It wasn’t long until we were in bed, saying good-bye the right way. After it was all over I rolled onto my side and propped my head up with my hand. “I’m gonna miss a lot about you but I’m probably gonna miss that most,” I said, smiling at him.

“Hm, I’m going to miss your amazing home cooking,” he said, laughing.

“Oh shut up. Here’s the deal – I’m going to learn to make one really good actual meal and then when you come to visit me again, I’m going to cook for you.”

“That sounds incredible,” he said, smiling. “You’re gonna have to work fast though because I plan on coming back as soon as I can.”

“Hey, Youtube works wonders. I could probably learn something by tomorrow. If worse comes to worse, you can just teach me something over Skype,” I said, climbing out of bed.

“Anyway, get dressed. We have to get a move on. Brooke and Taylor will be here any minute.”

Nobody spoke on the way to the airport – it was clear everyone was trying to ignore the inevitable. I just stared out the window and clutched Jordan’s hand for the entire drive. We finally made it, the boys got all checked in and Taylor and Brooke went off to the side to say their good-byes. Jordan and I didn’t really say much. We stood together, holding each other for what seemed like forever, but definitely wasn’t long enough until the announcer came on saying everyone had to head through security and to their flight. “I don’t want to say it. It’s too early but somehow it’s true – I really love you, Gwenn. I don’t know what to make of that yet but we’ll figure it out. We’re gonna be fine,” he leaned down and kissed my forehead.

“I believe it. And, I don’t tell people I love them. But, I probably love you too. That’s the best I can do right now. I’m sorry,” I said, looking up at him.

“That’s okay. I’ll take that. I know how you feel.” He kissed me quickly and I noticed that Brooke was headed over to us. “Taylor’s already gone through. I guess that’s your cue,” I said as the tears started to flow.

“Don’t cry. It won’t be long, I promise. I’ll call you as soon as I land.”

“Alright. Have a safe flight.” I gave him one last kiss and watched him walk away. I went in the opposite direction, towards Brooke and stood there until she wrapped her arm around me. I knew then that it was going to be okay. She was going to be there if I needed her and it wasn’t going to be that tough. It’s not like either Jordan or I were going around sleeping with everyone. We were going to last. Now, all that was left was to wait for Giroux. I kind of zoned out before he arrived – I didn’t really care about anything he had to say anyway. Brooke dropped me off at my apartment and I headed upstairs to get ready. Myself and my friends – aside from Brooke, of course – were headed out to Wing Night at the pub on campus. I was excited to finally fill them in on everything – and I definitely needed a drink or two after today.

Ashley and I got ready together and headed to the pub to meet up with the other girls. As soon as we sat down the waitress came up to ask what we wanted. I had already eaten so I decided to order a round of vodka shots to start off with.

“Wow, woman. Simmer down now. Why are we going hard liquor on a Wednesday?” ask Ashley, worried.

“Why not? I’m sad you know. And I haven’t drank anything in like 5 days. Let’s have some fun!”
“Alrighty then. I’m not getting too carried away though, I have class tomorrow morning.”

“Whatever. I’m gonna have fun.”

We all took our shot and then ordered some beer. I drank three pretty quickly as the girls were eating their wings. I started to feel it as I finished my third and I decided I was feeling a little better about Jordan being gone.

“You know guys, I’m gonna be fine. Like, he told me he loves me so he’s not going to do anything stupid. I’m not either. He makes me happy! Yeah. We’re gonna be fine…” I drifted off, staring across the bar.

“Gwenn…?” Ashley pulled me back to reality. “You wanna go home?”

“Nope! I wanna do some more shots!” I ordered two more rounds and did about 4 of them myself. I was definitely feeling it now and decided to excuse myself and stumble to the bathroom. I blacked out and the next thing I knew I was on the floor sobbing and Ashley had her arms wrapped around me. “It’s alright Gwenn. Brooke’s on her way.”

“Why did he do that? Why did he say he loved me? He left, just like everyone. He’s probably never going to come back. Ash, what’s wrong with me?” At that moment my phone rang.

“Hey babe! Just wanted to let you know that I’m safe and sound back in Edmonton!”

“Oh, yeah! Good. That’s really good,” I slurred into the phone.

“Gwenn, are you drunk?”

“A little bit… That’s okay though. I’m probably going home soon. I’m happy you’re home safe,” I could feel myself start crying again.

“Babe, what’s going on? Why are you drinking on a Wednesday? Gwenn, what the hell is going on?”

“I’m sorry. I do this, okay? I drink when I get sad. I’ve tried to deal with it before but I just get out of hand sometimes. I think that happened this time. It must have gotten out of hand… I kind of blacked out.”

“You realize that makes you like, an alcoholic right? Do you do this all the time? Listen, we’ll talk about this tomorrow when you sober up. Is Brooke there with you?”

“Not exactly… She’s a little busy… But that’s something her and Taylor should deal with. I think she’s coming though. Ashley called her. It’ll be okay when she gets here. She always deals with me like this. I’m really sorry, babe. I should have just stayed home tonight.”

“Just go home, Gwenn. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.” He hung up on me and Ashley helped me stand up. “I need to go home. Oh man, he’s pissed. I’m going home.” Brooke was rushing into the pub as Ashley was helping me out. “BROOKE!” I yelled, much too loudly. I saw other customers looking at me and noticed a security guard coming towards me.

“It’s alright,” Brooke said, putting her hand up towards him. “We’re leaving.”

We were barely outside when I started crying again. “I need to stop drinking, Brooke. This time I’m serious. He’s really mad at me. I want this to actually work. I didn’t plan on getting like this!”

“It’s what you do, Gwenn. You just don’t remember it, usually. I’ve seen you break down over much less. I’ll help you if you want to stop drinking though. What did you mean when you said he was mad at you?”

“He called me and he knew that I was drunk. He hung up on me and said we’d talk tomorrow. He’s probably gonna just give up on me. I’m a fucking mess. I wouldn’t blame him.”

“He’s a good guy, Gwenn. He isn’t gonna just leave you hanging because you drink. Just talk to him about it like you talk to me. He might even support and help you. Did you say anything about me?”

“I just said you were on your way to get me. I didn’t say anything about Giroux, don’t worry. How’s that going anyway?”

By this time we were back at my apartment and Brooke was dragging me up the stairs. She sighed and said, “We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Now isn’t the time.” She helped me into bed and waited until I passed out before she left.