Charming's Charmless

1:30am.
It flashed in bright green digitised numbers over the alarm clock's little plastic face. Helen rolled over in bed, her arm hitting the cool empty spot next to her. She sighed and closed her eyes. This didn't feel right to her and despite what Gemma had promised to her and Tara it didn't get any easier. When your Old Man was in lock up everything seemed to go straight down the drain.
Helen sat up in bed and pushed her hand through her now darkened curls, blunt fringe flopping back down in her face.
“This is shit.” She muttered as that same hand came to rest on her flat stomach. The news had nearly killed Juice when it had reached him in jail.
Halfsack had been the one to deliver the word as Juice refused to let Helen see him in there or even have a letter sent. She remembered the look on Sack's face when he pulled up to the house on his bike.
“How did he take it?” Helen had asked before Sack got in the door.
He had shaken his sandy blonde hair. “Bad. Really bad. Took six guards to drag him back his cell. Juice went...he went insane.”
Sack's skin was still pale as he thought about the table Juice had thrown across the room and the fist indent on the steel chair.
Helen's stomach felt sick to it's pits as she thought about it. She only wished that she could have told him instead.
The phone Juice had given her vibrated in the table beside the clock and at this hour it could only be one of two people.
“Yeah?” her voice crackled.
“Couldn't sleep either, huh?” Gemma asked from the other end.
“Not a wink.”
Nodding slowly Gemma knew the discomfort and anxiety the young woman on the other end of the phone was going through. The life of an Old Lady wasn't always an easy one.
“Come on over. Tara is here with Abel.”
“Yeah. Give me an hour. Plus I will bring the rest of the cash over as well.”
The women had been running the garage hard since the boys went into lock up to raise the money for their bail and with Helen being the only one out of them to know anything about fixing autos Halfsack had been thrown into working over time too.
Snapping her phone shut Helen moved from the bed and quickly slid on a pair of boots and a plain black dress that sat on the floor. With car keys clutched in hand she made her way to the garage and was soon driving with a bag stuffed with money to meet with the Queen.

As Helen drove up the driveway she noted how much more quiet it seemed without Clay's bike in the drive, even with all the lights on inside.
“Hey baby.” Gemma met Helen at the front door with a tight hug before letting her inside. Helen sighed into Gemma's shoulder.
Tara looked up from the kitchen table, Abel sleeping in the pram next to her. Helen' heart stung at the sight of little Abel tucked up sleeping next to his mother.
“Hey darlin'.” Helen hugged her sister and took in the tired expression carved deep into her face, “Not sleeping either?”
“Barely.” Tara hadn't seen all that much of her sister, only the 36 hours in emergency with her. But now as she looked into Helen's eyes she was shocked the find that the life that once burned bright in her eyes had been all but smothered. What looked back at her were eyes that had darkened with the weight of the world.
“Brought the cash?” Gemma took her spot at the head of the table.
Helen swung the duffel bag she had been carrying on her shoulder to the table and found her place to the right of Gemma.
“Some extra is in there from three late jobs last night.”
Gemma unzipped the bag and began to stack the wads of cash before the three of them.
“It should be enough, right?” Tara asked as she leaned over the table with both arms outstretched.
“With the loan? Hopefully.”
Dropping her arms to her sides Helen said, “So we turn up there tomorrow morning with this and our boys are out by noon?”
Gemma looked to both the women either side of her and let out a long breath, “That's how it usually goes.”
Tara pushed back her dark hair, “Thanks God. I just want Jax back so bad.”
“We all want our boys back honey.” Gemma glanced over to Helen.
“Yeah, even if they might not want us.” The idea had been playing over in Helen's mind for weeks now. The potential was there for Juice to just not want her. What man would want a woman who couldn't bear his children?
Gemma placed a hand on Helen's shoulder as her brow knitted in sympathy, “He loves you baby girl.”
“Sometimes that isn't enough.”
Tara could now see the weight that had been bearing down in her sisters eyes as they began to well with tears and her pale skin pinken.
Shaking her head Helen took a moment to drown her thoughts and opened her eyes again. “Do we have the party sorted?”

With a fat bag filled with wads of cash the three ladies with Abel left Gemma's house bright and early with the Charming Courthouse their destination.
As Gemma drove and Tara sat in the back with Abel tucked safely into his booster seat, Helen watched as the road beneath them whizzed by. Lost in thought she hadn't noticed Gemma slowing or the Courthouse come into view.
“Come on sweetie.” Gemma's voice snapped Helen from her day dreaming.
Helen found the proceedings lost on her while Gemma took over and the bail was granted. Just as the Queen had said the boys would be out by noon.
Her stomach began to do front flips at the thought of Juice coming home and for a moment she let that be the happiest thought. But only for a moment as what awaited him sank back into her reality.

Motorbikes roared and hounded up the street with cries of freedom following them into the open garage gate.
Gemma stood beside Tara with Abel in her arms with smiles brighter than any sun radiating from their faces. As Clay and Jax dismounted their bikes it was as if each couple could finally breathe again and that first kiss was the best.
Helen looked up from the engine bay of a Ford at the sounds, her curls were worked into a messy bun and strands sat beside her fringe. To her it was like looking at a world she wasn't apart of. Only nerves gripped her stomach in knots.
Grease laced her hands and work overalls as they sat on her hips. She wiped her hands over the sides of her grey shirt and made her way down.
Juice's grin was wide and just as gorgeous as she remembered and for a second she was relieved he hadn't noticed her. She watched as he finally came to hug Gemma which is when he looked up to find her standing back from the crowd.
“Helen?” his eyes just squinted at the dark haired woman with her hands her pockets. Gemma turned her head as Juice dropped his arms and moved towards Helen.
“Hey,” was the best she could muster as her Old Man stood in front of her after six months of nothing.
Juice's dark brown eyes moved over her harsher appearance. “I almost didn't recognise you.”
Motioning to the hair that now covered the tattoos on Juice's head and the moustache she replied, “Could have said the same about you.”
He cracked a slight smile and took a step towards her. “I'm sorry I wasn't there.”
Helen's hand jumped to her stomach as a stab of pain ripped through her heart. Taking a step back she dropped her gaze to the ground, “Yeah well...I've got to get back to work.”
And with that Helen turned her back to Juice and quickened her pace back to the garage. Juice watched as she turned and fled and dropped his head. Helen had every right to be angry and even more right to be angrier at him. This wasn't something that was going to be easily fixed.

“You should at least talk to him.”
Tara leaned against the wall as Helen scrubbed the grease from her hands. They could hear the club house stir as nightfall set in and barrels roared to life with fire and music vibrated through the lot.
“I know.” Helen was pulling a black tank top from her bag when she looked up at her sister's suggestion. “I thought I was going to...you know?”
Tara nodded, “I know honey.”
Helen had already stripped her work clothes and pulled on a fresh pair of tight dark jeans when she tugged her tank top over her head.
“I just...when I saw him all I could think of was how hard the past six months had been. He wouldn't even let me see him the whole fucking time!” Balling up her fist Helen slammed it over the basin.
“Hey!” Tara grabbed her sisters hand and tugged it from the basin.
A heavy sigh left Helen's lips as her ands came to rest either side of the basin. “I don't know what I am suppose to do next.”
She felt Tara wrap an arm around her shoulders and rest her chin on Helen's back. “None of us do.”
The creak of the small bathroom door caught their attention as sandy blonde hair followed by watery blue eyes poked their way around. “Is everything okay in here?”
The sisters looked over at Halfsack as he stood with his eyes averted to the ground. Tara moved to face him and nodded.
Helen tilted her head back letting her long dark curls fall down her back. “'Spose we should get out there.”
It wasn't long before the lot was alight with writhing bodies and free flowing booze. Helen watched with a cold beer in her hand and back against the Clubhouse wall. She had spotted Tara sneaking off with Jax to a back room and only shook her head as they did so.
Gemma had taken her place in her King's lap at a corner table fooling around like teenagers would.
Pressing the bottle to her lips Helen downed another mouthful of beer and leaned her head back. What a mess.
“Hey.”
Helen's eyes slid to the side as Juice stood by her side with his hand in his side pocket and a bottle of beer n his own hand.
“Hey.”
Taking the space next to her Juice leaned his back against the wall and took a mouthful of his beer. “I think we-”
“Don't.” Helen turned to look at him.
His eyes met hers and for the first time in months he saw her. He really saw her. All the suffering she had been through took the forefront in her darkened eyes.
“We don't need to talk right now.”
“Okay we don't have to. Not right now.”
Juice watched as the woman he had left behind six months ago put down her beer bottle and shifted closer to him. He felt like they had just met and were again at the start.
His arm hung by his side and slowly Helen slide her hand into his. Juice felt the warmth of her skin against is and a soft sigh of relief left his lips.
“Wanna go home?”
Juice turned to face Helen and nodded. “More than anything.”