Letting Go

I sit with my head in my arms at my desk, reluctant to look up. Today, I almost didn't come to school, but I've never missed day, so I figured I'd better, or someone will be worried.

"Saige?"

I don't move as Joanna touches my shoulder. "Are you sick honey?" I just shake my head.

"Do you need to go to the nurse?" Again I shake my head. The last thing I want is professional help.

"Are you going to be okay during class? Do you need me to call your Mom or Dad?"

Now my head pops up. NO! Absolutely not. The whole reason for me being a good student is so they'd never have reason to call my nonexistent parents.

I scribble on my sketchpad and hold it up for her, giving her smile I just don't feel. She looks at me duiously, but nods, and walks to her desk.

Feeling eyes on the side of my head, I turn to see Glen staring at me with a blinding intensity. He's not glaring at me for once, but there's something in his face that makes me nervous. Quick as I can I raise my hand and wave it around frantically.

Joanna looks alarmed. "Do you need to be excused?"

Without nodding, I rush from the room and through the hallways to the back of the school, where I promptly slide down the brick wall and bury my face in my hands, trying to calm my breathing.

Why on Earth am I getting so worked up over getting looked at? Being stared at is not anything new.

A burning sensation starts in my chest, and I take deep breaths to get rid of it. But a few minutes later it starts back up again.

I lean my head back against the coolness of the brick and start to count.

One... Two... Three...

"Saige."

My eyes fly open at the unfamiliar voice, and land on a pair of blank ones.

Glen kneels less than a foot away, his face blank.

Eyes wide and heart pounding, I inch away from him. How did he get out of class? Joanna doesn't let anyone out of class. She has soft spot for me, but...

Glen reaches out and grabs my arm, and I try to jerk away. His grip only tightens. "Saige."

Now I glare at him. What does he want? Is he some sort of criminal? Maybe a stalker...

At this thought, I freeze, watching him warily. Maybe I should scream. It would at least give me time to escape. That's the good thing about my... ability.

I found out a long time ago that I can't talk to people. It happened on my first day of high school, the first day I can remember. I stood in front of the class to introduce myself, and got through all of one sentence before I realized that no one was paying attention. Everyone was frozen, unmoving where they sat.

I'd gone quiet, wondering what to do, and exactly two minutes later they'd started moving again. The teacher had asked me to start, like I hadn't said a word. I'd tried again, only to have the same thing happen. After that, I'd refused to say anything else.

I haven't said a word since, in two hundred and thirty years, except to protect myself.

Which is no doubt what I should do now. Before I can, Glen releases me, and stands, walking back inside without a last look.

I frown, and glance down at my arm where he touched me. The skin there tingles pleasantly, almost vibrating.

I stay put, rubbing the spot and losing myself in my thoughts until the bell rings for lunch.

Inside, I grab a tray and fill it in a rush, trying to get back outside before anyone I know gets here, but of course I have no luck.

Guy plants himself right in my path, and touches my shoulder. "Saige are you-"

I shoved his hand off. I'm tired of people grabbing me! No I'm not okay!

But he can't hear me. I nod once, but he doesn't move. He looks like he wants to say something.

"I heard there's a carnival in town. Do you think you'd like to go with Glen and me? We've never been to carnival and thought we'd check it out."

At the mention of Glen, I turn and walk away, not bothering to answer. He runs in front of me again, but doesn't touch me. "Look, I know you're scared of him. I know he seems like a bad guy. But he's really a good person inside. He doesn't like crowds a being surrounded by people"- well that's what carnivals are... big crowds-"but when you're alone with him he's fine. So please, give us a chance. Don't avoid me because of my brother."

I don't like carnivals either... But he looks so sincere. I sigh, and nod. His face lights up, and he grins. "Great. So, if you'll just give me your address, we'll pick you up at around six. Is that okay?"

Silent, I scribble my address on the tiny notepad I carry with me, and hand him the slip of paper. Then I walk away slowly. How am I going to survive the day?

..............................................................

I stand in front of the mirror, observing myself as critically as possible. As soon as I got back from school, I'd started to tear my closet apart in search for something not so beaten up to wear. I ended up with a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, a dark grey top with a faded logo on the front.

Disgusted, I throw it all off and change into my black skinny jeans and a long black sweater, and a different pair of black boots. Screw it-this isn't a date anyway. I don't have to impress anyone. I'm sure pretty soon they'll both get drafted into the football team, and become the two newest populars, and I'll be left alone again. The way I like it.

The way I need it....

I hear a knock at the door downstairs, and sigh, grabbing my purse, making sure my hair covers my ears appropriately.

When I open the door, Guy beams at me. "Hey."

Glen stands to the side at the bottom of the steps, observing me silently. He seems uncharacteristically at ease, no specific expression on his face. I step out of the house and turn to lock the door behind me.

Guy holds a hand up to stop me as I move towards the steps. "Wait. Glen has something for you."

I blink in shock, looking at Glen. He's almost hesitant as he walks up the steps to stand in front of me. I have to tip my head back to look up at him. He reaches into his pocket and comes up with a necklace, holding it up. It's a small glass teardrop filled with clear liquid, strung on a loose black cord. There's a small gold bead on either side of the vial, inscribed with an odd language.

I point from the necklace to my chest in question. He nods, and I take it carefully. Still a bit unsure of whether to put it on or not, I'm surprised when he steps behind me, and reaches forward to take the necklace from me, clasping it behind my neck for me. I'm sure to keep my hair over my ears.

Then he steps back around quickly, looking into my eyes. I frown as he and Guy both watch me closely as if expecting fire to spew from my mouth.

Their faces change suddenly, looking almost... alarmed. Glen recovers quickly, shaking his head, and walks away to the car. Guy swallows, and smiles at me, though it doesn't reach his eyes. "Alright then. Come on, we don't want to miss too much."

The ride to the carnival is very quiet, and incredibly tense. I finger the necklace Glen gave me while I think. These boys... Something seems off about them. They aren't normal teenage boys(if anyone is entitled to judge this fact, it's me, the definition of abnormal).

When we arrive, I jump out of the car as quick as possible, and breathe a sigh of relief. Guy walks around to my side and slides looks around at all the enormous rides.

"So... what do normal people do first here?"

The way he phrases this is odd, like he knows he's NOT normal, but is trying to act like he is. I squint at him, and he clears his throat. A sudden presence to my right makes me jump, and a hand touches my arm.

I look up at Glen, and he points up at something behind me. Turning, I see it's the ride that lifts you hundreds of feet into the air and drops you. He wants to ride that death trap?

Eyes wide, I point at him, and he nods solemnly. Terrified, I shake my head, but he starts to push me towards it. Sighing, I have no choice but to comply, and we all walk towards the monstrous ride.

"Oh my gosh! Saige, over here!"

I close my eyes in relief, turning towards the familiar voice. Ashley runs over, her boyfriend trailing behind slowly.

Her blonde hair fans out around her flushed face as she looks from me to the twins on either side of me.

"I can't believe this- I NEVER see you out of school. Your parents wouldn't let you go to the movies with a group of girls, but they'll let you go to a carnival at night with two hot guys? How unfair is that?"

I shrug as if I don't understand the logic either. She looks at Glen, and then quickly to Guy. "Hey Guy. You should have told me that you wanted to come to the carnival. I would have been happy to show you guys around. Saige is a good listener, but you won't really have a ton of fun laughing with her or anything."

Hurt, I wince, but quickly compose my face into a blank stare, pulling out my notepad to scribble a reply. Guy reads it, and then searches my face. "Are you sure, Saige? What are you going to do?"

I shrug. I'll find something to do.

He looks unsure, but I write something else and hold it up. Now he looks concerned. "I'm sure that's not true. Everyone is fun in their own way... "

I wave him off, trying to smile convincingly. He nods slowly. "Alright... Well meet you back at the car at about eight. Okay?"

Nodding, I give him a small wave, and watch him walk off with Ashley and her now-sulking boyfriend. He has every right to; his girlfriend will no doubt spend the night flirting with another man, while he watches. I feel bad for him.

I don't even notice that Glen isn't with them until I turn to see him next to me. Startled, I stare at him, and he stares back. Burning starts in my chest, stronger than earlier at school, and I wince, and start to write something for him, but he touches my wrist gently, stopping me.

"Why don't you speak?" he asks quietly, meeting my eyes directly.

This is the first time I've heard him speak, and I inhale sharply. His voice... It's so soft, and smooth. It's very comforting, more so than anyone else's voice I've ever heard. The burning subsides as I hear it. When I move to write, he stops me again.

"I can't read that," he admits, lowering my hand from the paper. "Say something."

For the first time in years, I truly hate myself. I hate that I can't talk to people. I hate that I've lived so long; longer than anyone I've ever known. A guy is asking me why I don't talk, for the first time in my life, and I can't answer him.

I wish I was dead.

Seeing the raw pain in my eyes, Glen stays quiet, taking my notepad and tucking it back into my pocket. He gestures toward the way Guy and Ashley disappeared down, and starts to walk, and I follow him.

What am I going to do? I want to be able to talk to him. More than anything else. But he can't read my writing. Can he read any other writing? This makes me pause, but he moves fast, and I hurry to catch up.

We end up standing in front of the petting zoo part, where he stares at the animals, a perplexed look on his face. It's like he's never seen farm animals before.

I walk over to the man selling the feed and pay for two cups of it, bringing one back for Glen. He takes it, but obviously doesn't know what to do with it. Taking his arm hesitantly, I lead him over to the animals before releasing him.

A calf walks up to me, and I smile, bending down to pet him, and pour some of the food in my hand, letting him eat it. When he's finished, he nuzzles my palm with his nose, making a cute snorting sound.

Animals have always seemed to love me, always coming close to me, while avoiding others. Maybe it's because they can sense the fact that I don't eat them? Whatever the case may be, I respect nature and it in turn respects me.

Looking up, I catch Glen watching me, and straighten up. He frowns, looking down at the cup of feed in his hand, and then at the calf. I smile at him encouraging, kneeling again and waving him closer. He kneels next to me and pours some in his palm, holding it out carefully.

The calf hesitates, seeming to glance at me before deciding its safe, and comes forward to eat. Glen's head tilts to the side, and though no expression crosses his face, I can see that he's somewhat pleased.

We continue to feed different animals until we run out of food, and leave, much to the animals' disappointment, as they make lots of noise when we're gone. We go to wash our hands, and I can't help the smile that stays on my face. It's been awhile since I've done anything with another person. It feels nice.

My stomach growls, embarrassingly loud, and I wince, not looking up. There's still a lot of noise around us... Maybe he didn't hear.

But then he takes my arm walking towards the food stands. He did hear. How embarrassing...

But there's nothing I want at the food stands. All they really have is meat and processed food. I tug on his hand, and he pauses, looking at me.

'I don't eat meat,' I mouthe. He nods, and looks around for a minute before changing direction Surprisingly, we end up at an ice cream stand. He looks at me in question.

I happen to love ice cream, so I smile at him, looking over the flavors. I pick a cup of raspberry sorbet after seeing the small tubs the actual ice cream comes in. Definitely over-processed. Glen picks the same, and I guess that he's never had sorbet from the way he looks at it warily.

Watching him, I eat from my cup thoughtfully. Where in the world are he and Guy from if they've never been to a carnival, and never had something like ice cream?

He senses me watching him suddenly, and looks at me. "What is this? " he questions.

I purse my lips, trying to decide on the best method for explaining, but can't think of one. Finally I just hold up my spoon for him to try some. Somehow this action seems normal, like I've known him a lot longer than three days.

He doesn't act like this is odd, leaning down to taste it. Then he stares at his cup, and starts to eat. Guess he likes it..

We walk around for the next couple of hours, not speaking again, but communicating without words. He convinces me to get on a small roller coaster that goes at over one hundred and twenty miles per hour, backwards and forwards, and keeps a firm hold on my arm afterward for a good ten minutes until I regain my footing. He also wins me two giant stuffed animals at games that are usually impossible to win anything at. Then he wins a few for other girls who's dates can't win them anything. It's funny to watch the guys glower at him.

At eight, we head back to the car to find Guy, me with my arms full of toys and almost lightheaded with joy. Glen is quiet and serious, but he's a nice guy when he wants to be. I'm happy he didn't go with his brother...

"Wow, looks like you guys had some serious fun," Guy's voice sounds from behind us. We turn, and I hold my things tighter to my chest. Guy and Glen seem to carry on some sort of conversation with their eyes, and when I look back at Glen, his face has shut down. He looks angry. Again. What is he, bipolar?

He looks at me, clearly unhappy, and my smile fades as I look down at the ground.

"Glen stop that!" Guy snaps. "If you were having fun, there's no need for all that. That's why she won't go anywhere near you!"

I turn and head over to the car, waiting for him to unlock it. But he and Glen start to talk so low I can't hear. But Glen's face doesn't relax again, and I sigh. Just when I thought we'd broken the ice...

A shiver goes down my spine half a second before something cold and hard presses against my neck.

"Give me everything you have," a deep raspy voice orders, "and don't you dare scream."

My heart pounds, but I don't move. I look at Glen and Guy, willing them to somehow run, so they won't be frozen when I scream. As if hearing my silent plea, Glen turns, looking at me, and then his eyes lock on whoever my attacker is, narrowing.

He walks toward us and the I'm jerk back roughly, the gun pressing harder into my neck. I wince. Unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've been held at gunpoint, and it won't be the last. But what is Glen doing? Trying to get shot?

Carefully, I shake my head at him, but he doesn't seem to see me, his eyes focused on my attacker.

"Get back unless you want to see your girlfriend dying on the concrete," the rough voice warns. Glen slows, but doesn't stop, and suddenly the gun is in sight now pointed at Glen. The air around me seems to go frigid.

"I said get back."

Glen still doesn't stop, and I see the finger on the trigger tighten. I don't think-I CAN'T think; all I know is that I have to stop him. I have to save Glen. Even if I freeze him in the process.

I take the deepest breath I can, and I scream as loud as I possibly can, squeezing my eyes shut. I hear the echo of it though the parking lot, and when it fades, there's silence except for the rides, far back into the fairgrounds. Opening my eyes, I turn to see my attacker, an older man with a beard and cold, hard eyes, his glare frozen in Glen's direction. I see a woman half in her car, her hand side still on the door handle, and her child frozen while running to the other side of the road. People all throughout the parking lot are unmoving, frozen in whatever they were doing.

Tears fill my eyes and dripping down my face, and I wipe at them angrily. I never let myself cry... it won't help anything. I'm a freak, and nothing will ever change that.

Carefully, I move to take the gun from the bearded man's hand, and take the bullets out before laying the gun on the ground, and turn to where Glen and Guy once stood. But only Guy stands there. As I frown, staring at him, his head tilts to the side, and he blinks.

"So that's why you don't talk," he says, his voice soft. "You're a Euphora Siren."

I just blink. What is he talking about? Why isn't he frozen? The sound of a an aluminum can being crushed makes me jump and spin around.

Glen lifts his foot off of what was once the gun, but now lays crushed, obliterated. Then he glances at me.

"Since when do Euphora Sirens NOT try to seduce every living thing in the universe? Since when do they willingly live with humans?" He glares at me fiercely, like I should know the answer.

Guy comes to my rescue, walking closer to me almost cautiously. "Glen... I don't think she knew. She doesn't know what we're talking about."

Not only do I not know what they're talking about, but I'm about to run as fast as I can.

I take a step back. They obviously have some issues to work out. What in the world is a Euphora Siren?

Guy reaches out to touch my arm. "No, don't run. It's okay, we aren't going to hurt you, Saige-"

But his touch sparks some defensive instinct in me, and I knock it off, drop my prizes and run. He calls after me, but I don't stop, continuing until I'm surrounded by darkness. I've run so far from the fairgrounds that's I'm on a stretch of highway. There aren't any streetlights alongside the road. Cold and frightened, I pull the neck of my sweater up higher and fold my arms across my chest to hold in me warmth, starting to walk along the road.

What is a Euphora Siren? Is there really a name for what I am? And if so, how do they know what it is? They can't be like me... nothing happens when they talk. They must be crazy...

I reason with myself for a few minutes, and just as I start to get dizzy for some unknown reason, a car drives past. I keep walking, but stop when it pulls over to the side of the road, and stops. The doors open, and Glen and Guy hop out. Guy stays put, while Glen walks towards me, his face blank. Every step he takes, I take one in the opposite direction, still facing him.

But his legs are a lot longer, and he's in front of me in no time at all. "We're taking you home," he says. "Get in the car."

Suddenly, rage so consuming I see red takes over, and I stalk right up until our chests almost touch. Then I start to yell.

"Look. I don't know what's wrong with you! I don't know why any Euphora Siren is, and I don't believe it really exists, but that's not at this is about." I shove him now. "I am not your toy! You can't order me around like my father and grab me- I swear if you ever put your hands on me again I'm going to beat the living crap out of you! You have no idea what I've been through. No matter how big you are"-I step back-"I can take you down."

The shock in his eyes is crystal clear, and I nod. "Now you you can take me home." I walk past him, and ignore Guy as he gapes at me, climbing into the SUV.

I haven't felt this good in centuries.