Letting Go

Do you know those days when you just want to die? You don't care out anything and just want someone to come up and shoot you? If not, I envy you, because it's not a good feeling.

That's how I've felt for the last week. I haven't been back to school since I went with Glen and Guy to the carnival, not wanting to talk to them. Now that they know... I should feel scared. They could tell the authorities and have me taken in the middle of the night like an animal.

But I'm not scared. I'm just tired. Tired of all of it. The hiding, the silence, the loneliness. If it's going to be like this for the rest of my life, why not kill myself? Really, why not?

Laying on my back on my sofa, I stare up at the ceiling and contemplate this question, wishing for a meteor to crash into my house. Is that really so much to ask?

I hear a faint pounding from outside, and close my eyes, trying to tune it out.

I wonder if anyone would notice if I just disappeared. Would they mourn for me, or just move on like I never existed?

The pounding grows louder, and I groan, covering my ears. Shut up already... Who comes to anyone's home at this time of night?

It grows louder again, and I realize its coming from my front door. With great effort, I pull myself up and force my feet to walk in a straight line to the door, and open it.

Guy stands there, a small bag in his hand and a hesitant smile on his face. The smile fades when he looks me over. "We came to see how you were doing... but I just got my answer. You look terrible, Saige."

Not in the mood, I move to close the door, but he stops me, and pushes back, sliding inside through the gap. I go to close it again, and another hand stops it. I look up as Glen pushes his way in, standing right in front of me.

His scent overpowers my mind, and I stumble backwards. He takes my arm to steady me, and releases me just as quickly. Then he edges away from me, going to stand by the sofa.

Giving myself a few seconds to compose my thoughts, I walk to the door and close it, taking a breath before turning to face them.

Guy holds up the small paper bag. "We brought you mangoes."

Mangoes? What the heck do they want?

Glen looks around the room, and spots my graduation bookshelves. He starts towards them, but I run ahead of him and push him away. "I didn't exactly invite you in," I point out. He blinks, and steps around me to look at the diplomas.

It's too late to stop him now, so I just shake my head, bringing my hands up to rub my temples as a headache starts up.

Why are they here now of all times? I can't deal with this right now...

"Saige... how long have you been alone?" Guy questions softly, his eyes full of pity, like he understands. Children always think they understand.

I don't have my sketchpad, or any notepad, so I just shrug. He walks over, his gaze pleading. "Talk to me, Saige. You won't do anything to me. You can talk to us."

But I shake my head. I don't know why they haven't been frozen when I talk, but I'm not taking any chances.

He sighs, before frowning. Carefully, he reaches out and puts his thumb under my eye, pulling the skin down a little bit. "She's started," he murmurs, and I get the feeling he's not talking to me. Irritated, I knock his hand away.

What gives them the right to touch me? No, what gives them the right to barge into my house period?

Guy seems to understand the dangerous darkness in my eyes, because he gets to the point.

"Look, we know you don't have parents, Saige. We know you're most likely somewhere between two hundred and two hundred and fifty years old, and and we also know why you don't speak, thanks to the other day."

Shocked, I stare at him, and my heart pounds so hard in my chest I wonder if they can hear it. Panicked, I start to back up, but my back runs into a solid immovable wall. Hands touch my shoulders lightly, but it feels like am electric shock runs through me. I didn't even see Glen move-how did he get behind me?

Who are these boys?

The defensive instinct I'm starting to become very familiar with kicks in again, and I feel my muscles coil all over. This is not good... I need to get away from here.

Glen's hands tighten on my shoulders, and I lose it. I kick back with my right foot, hooking it behind his knee, and pull with all my might. My strength, I coupled with his surprise gives me the advantage, but he only stumbles back.

With a normal person that move would have dislocated the knee and sent them to the ground. This boy has obviously been trained in so way. A government agent? Are they both working for the system? They were probably sent to take me in...

This thought has me in a frenzy, attacking everything I've learned to, but he counters every one. Completely panicked, I falter for a split second, and like a skilled agent, he takes advantage of it. Within two seconds of my slip up, he has my back pulled up against his chest again, one arm barring my escape right below my throat, and the other pinning my arms to my sides. Neither of us are panting overmuch. I feel his breath on the side of my face.

"I have never seen anyone take Glen on, and get that far," Guy says, looking almost awed. He shakes his head slowly, looking thoughtful. "What in the world have you been through to know how to fight like that?"

Defeated and close to tears, but refusing to show any weakness, I laugh bitterly. "You have no idea."

"I have no doubt that that's true." He approaches cautiously, but stays well out of reach. "We didn't come here to hurt you, Saige. We want to give you the option-"

"Option? That's bull. You want to take me? Fine. I'll be dead soon anyway, and then you won't get anything for your stupid tests. You can tell your commander to-"

Glen's arms tighten to a very uncomfortable level, and I shut up. Guy comes right up to me now, trusting Glen to hold me still. He reaches into his pocket, and comes up with something. I rear backwards as his hand moves towards me, and he pauses. He holds up something small so I can see. It looks to be some sort of crystal, with a flat back. A fancy tracker?

He doesn't explain, but moves again and presses it on the spot right below the hollow of my throat. A sharp stab, like a needle breaks my skin, fading quickly.

"Now"-he steps back, and meets my eyes-"we are taking you with us. But not for the reasons you think. We are not with the government, or any other organization. We wouldn't have noticed you at all... had you not been stuck with tour guide duty our first day. But what did notice. Or... Glen noticed. Right Glen?"

Glen's response is a somewhat pained, sharp sigh.

"Look, we want to help you. Will you come with us?"

Help me how? This must be a trap. I shake my head no.

Glen's arms loosen from around me slowly as he's obviously waiting to see if I'll attack again. But I've learned. He's stronger than I am. And more skilled.

I never thought I'd say that about anyone.

Once he's sure I'm not going to try anything, he comes around to stand in front of me. There's something in his eyes... a rawness, that makes me pause to see what he's doing.

He takes a breath, and let's it out sharply. "We don't know what you're doing here," he says, truly looking confused and more than a little frustrated. "And somehow, neither do you. This isn't any way to live. Not for us."

"W-who is us?" I runs my hands up and down my biceps, slightly freaking out.

"Just.. trust us. Trust me. You don't want to stay here, alone. You know you don't. So just come with us."

Even as he practically begs me to go with him, something in his face let's me know that he hates it. Some part of him Hates me. He wants me to go, but he doesn't like me. And I don't know why, but it really hurts.

But he's right... and I also recognize that. Kill myself here... or just trust this gut feeling I have and go with him? Even if they really want to kill me, it won't make a difference. Not really.

So I nod slowly, avoiding his eyes.

He doesn't look in any way happy, but he nods back. Guy steps around him, and smiles at me. "You won't regret this. I promise you."

Silent, I walk to put my shoes on, and catch a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror. I really do look terrible. But I don't care.

I don't even grab my purse, walking back into the living room. They wait by the door for me, opening it for me when I get close. I don't lock up either. How far gone am I...

Two cars, the familiar black SUV and a black pick-up sit in the driveway behind my mustang.

"You'll be driving with Glen," Guy announces, and I freeze.

"No."

"He won't hurt you, Saige. Relax-"

"I SAID no. I want to ride with you."

He frowns at me. "Why?"

"He doesn't even want me to come. I'm not going to make hs life more miserable."

Guy now glares at Glen. "He does want you to come. If you haven't noticed, Glen has issues, Saige. Just try to ignore them, and he'll seem almost normal. Trust me?"

I know he won't let up, so I sigh, my shoulders slumping.

Glen walks ahead of me, and opens the passenger-side door of the truck for me, but I stand by the back door. He hesitates. Trying to avoid his disapproval(though who knows why), I climb into the passenger side, and he closes the door wordlessly.

Putting on my seatbelt, I watch he and Guy talk lowly, their voices too quiet to hear. Then Guy gets in his car and drives away. I curl into a ball on the seat, my knees under my chin, as Glen get in on the drivers side, starting the car.

...............................

Watching the cars around us, and the trees that edge the highway in the shadowss, I feel a deep sense of calm take over me. It's been awhile since I've just driven around, and enjoyed the scenery like this. It's beautiful.

A cough interrupts my place of zen, and I glance at Glen fom the corner of my eye. He stares straight ahead, his hands gripping the wheel very tightly. Is he... nervous?

Sensing me watching him, he glances at me, and I don't look away. Now he looks wary, like he expects me to pounce or something. I sit up straighter, and turn his way in the seat.

He tries to keep an eye on me and the road at the same time, and I frown at him. "Have I done something to you?"

He shakes his head.

"Then why do you hate me so much?"

His grip tightens around the steering wheel. "I don't."

"Could've fooled me, what with all the glaring and disgusted looks."

"I thought you were refusing to talk," he mutters.

"Well you don't seem to be freezing, so I'm free to say what I want. Why do you hate me?"

"I said I don't, Saige. This isn't about you."

I open my mouth to say something else, but he holds up a hand. "Stop. It isn't what you think, just let it go."

Glaring at him, I slide back to my side of the cab and cross my arms. Burning spreads throughout my body again, and I frown, trying to catch my breath discreetly. What is happening to me? The burning increases in the pit of my stomach, and I bend over at the waist, my arms wrapped around my middle.

I feel a hand on my back, and a deep voice says something, but I can't hear. The burning increases steadily, and I whimper involuntarily. Vaguely I feel the truck stop, and Glen's voice sounds clearly now.

"Saige? What's wrong?" Where his hand is, is where the burning is the strongest, and I try to pull away. He grabs my arm, not squeezing enough to hurt, but very firmly.

"I need to know what's going on, Saige. What is wrong with you?"

I just barely manage to swallow the scream that threatens to escape from my mouth, but I can't stop the cry that escapes me. "Stop it," I sob as a headache starts. "You're hurting me!"

He releases me immediately, but the burning only grows.

"How am I hurting you? Tell me Saige. What are you feeling?"

The dull throb of my headache increases to steady pounding, and I grab my head with my hands. This feels like a migraine... multiplied by about two hundred.

"Saige answer me!"

But impossible to even think through this pain, and I shake my head frantically. "Just make it stop!" I scream, no longer able to help myself.

"Make what stop? I can't stop what I don't understand, Saige. Calm down and-"

"I can't! " I shriek, clawing at my hair in torment. "It burns! Everything burns-I'm I'm on fire! My head.. My head is... "

I trail off as the pain reaches an all-time high, and I swear I see flames. I start to scream, in total oblivion.

Faintly, I feel the world tilt, drop sense of cold cuts through the heat on my whole torso. My headache dulls enough that I can hear Glen's voice, calm and soothing, and I try my hardest to focus on it, like a lifeline.

"Can you hear me, Saige?"

Gasping, I nod, trying to keep myself focused.

"I can help you, but you have to know-"

"I don't care what you have to do! Give me a pill, a shot, KILL ME! I don't care. Just make it stop!"

Immediately, a hand rests on my stomach, and another on my chest. A flood of colors burts behind my eyes, and my body feels ready to explode.

Just as it peaks, everything going bright white...

everything goes black.

..............................................................
"No! " I gasp, my eyes flying open in terror. I grab at my throat, trying to calm my breathing before I have a panic attack, and close my eyes again when I see the light of morning.

Just bad dream...

But then a hand runs through my hair rhythmically; steady and soothing. A tingly sensation results, drop I register a noise, sounding oddly like a purr, before realizing that I'm the one making it.

Wait... who's touching me?

I open my eyes, and gasp, starting to jerk into an upright position. Glen puts a hand on my chest, right above my collarbone, pushing me back down until my head rests in his lap.

"Suddenly movements are not a good idea at the moment. Just try to relax."

Two things register in your Monday once. One: he's driving. Two: his touch doesn't burn anymore. It actually feels really... nice.

There's something different about him. Something I can't put my finger on exactly. But when he glances down at me, I see it instantly.

His eyes arent white anymore. They're a tie-dye pattern of purple, yellow, and gray, and black. His hand is still stroking my hair, while the other steers the truck. This can be safe...

I start to sit up, but he stops me again with a hand below my throat. Instead of the burning again, that tingle results from his hand.

"Don't move, you'll make it worse. Stay still."

"You can't drive like this."

"I've been driving like this since two o' clock this morning." he brushes a strand if hair from my face.

"Calm down."

Why is he doing this? What did he do to make the burning stop? Most importantly, why is my head in his lap?

I voice this last question, and he shakes his head, looking amused. "Trust me I have no interest in you whatsoever. But it's dangerous for you to try and move by yourself, so you're here. Don't get too comfortable."

This hurts, but I say nothing, instead angling my head away. Of course he has no interest in me. It's the same on my side.

And it's going to stay that way.