Jesus of Suburbia

I pulled over, Lauren pointing out towards the windshield saying that the Boulevard was around the corner. I sighed and killed the car’s engine; Lauren leaned over her seat and kissed my cheek for the hundredth time. I got out before she could do anything else. How did she ever get into the recruits? How did I ever get into the recruits? Lauren got out of the car and stood beside me, her arm linked around mine. Oh, she will not fucking give up.

“What’s the Boulevard about anyways? It doesn’t even seem to be worth my time,”

“It is, it’s where people become… different,”

“Like you?” I bite back; she glares at me before looking at the street.

She didn’t say anything else and part of me was happy about it, but the silence between us rang in my ears. I bit my bottom lip to avoid saying something fucking stupid as we neared the edge of the “club.” The doorman just gave us a onceover and let us inside, I would assume that he knew Lauren—or at least had his way with her. I walked into the club and was met with flashing lights and the familiar smells of alcohol and body odor, it made my insides churn a little and the feeling of nausea rose inside me.

This wasn't anything but an underground club, like the ones back home. But for some reason I felt at home, like I could easily dominate this piece of shit and make everyone bow down, theatrically. I walked into the crowd while Lauren babbled away with other girls, some of the people on the dance floor stopped dancing once I slipped by. Some of them even look familiar, as if I had never left that shithole of a town.

"Jimmy?" I turned at the sound of my name and I saw her: Heaven. Her blonde with pink hair bounced around her face as she made her way towards me. I could feel my own eyes widen as she recognized me, but a small part of me felt at home with her around.

"What are you doing here?"

"Tunny and I came to see you, we actually didn't know if came to this club. But it never hurt to look," she smiled at me, I looked at her, but stepped back a little bit. "Oh Jimmy, I've missed you so much! Please come back?" Her arms wrapped around my shoulders and held me in a tight hug, my hands rested on her hips, unsure of what I should do.

"Why the fuck should I go back? No one ever wanted me there anyways. I was the suicide commando, a patron saint with a goddamn angel face,"

"You weren't just a patron saint, you were St. Jimmy; you made everything in life seem like everything fell at your feet, like as if you were the Jesus of Suburbia. Please, come back?"

"I wasn't a Jesus of Suburbia either; I was just Jimmy. A product of war and fear, a teenage assassin that was raised in the city under a halo of light,"

"But you were King of the 40 Thieves and executed some fun in the cult of the life of crime. Jimmy, you established the needle in the vein, you're the resident leader and always will be," Heaven replied, her lips inches from mine. I pushed her away gently and ran my hands through my short hair.

"Don't wear out my name... I wasn't anything in that godforsaken town. I was suffering under being above all—I wanted to get away, don't you get it Heaven?"

She just looked at me with pity, her arms crossed in front of her chest as she approached me again. I didn't understand what people saw in me, I wasn't anyone important. The only thing I was good at was being a scumbag that sucked the life out of everyone else. Even though that statement sounded Goth, it was pretty damn close to the truth. What was the entire point of coming to the army? Wasn't it to find who I really was? Or to prove to others that I wasn't what they saw, that I was a "poser" trying to find a way to fit into a crowd?

I walked over to a table and sat down, Heaven followed and sat next to me. Her arm were wrapped around my shoulders as she brought me into a kiss, I kissed her back without much thought. It was instinctive; get kissed, kiss back without much emotion or feeling. She pulled away and smiled at me, like as if I had done something amazing. I wish.

"Heaven, did you—you found Jimmy? And you would be kissing the shit out of him. Too bad you can't fuck his brains out, otherwise you would've been doing that," Tunny's voice sneered. Heaven turned around and gave him the middle finger.

"Ha, I knew you would do that too. Why don't you do something productive and get us some drinks,"

"Fuck you, Tunny. Who died and made you boss? As far as I know, Jimmy's still the boss,"

"I don't wanna be the fucking boss, I'm done with that shit. Why can't you guys every get that through you're goddamn heads?" They didn't say anything and looked at me, I got up and walked towards the exit.

Jesus of Suburbia? St. Jimmy? A Patron Saint? What the fuck are they on? I'm nothing like that, I wasn't even close to being called a saint. I saw Lauren get up, but I didn't wait for her, I continued my way towards the door. Everything in life can just fuck itself. I joined the army to get away from these scumbag, whores, and liars but they still managed to find me. Fuck me.

A tall guy stepping into my path and I stopped, looking at him as my fists balled up at my side. "Get out of my goddamn way, asshole," I spat.

"So, you're the infamous St. Jimmy? I thought you'd be taller, bulkier. But you're just a scrawny piece of shit," he laughed. I ran up to him and threw my fist into that motherfucker's face. He stumbled backwards for a bit, but when he regained his balance he was clutching his face.

"The name's Jimmy and don't you fucking wear it out,"