Memories.

I woke up at 5 am… 5am. It’s way to early. But I couldn’t skeep anyway. I woke up at least 10 times last night. I slipped on one of Garrett’s oversized hoddie and slipped into John’s bunk. He shuffled and put an arm around me.

“Darling, it’s to early.”

“I can’t sleep..”

“Just forget about him.” He kissed my forehead.

“It’s not that easy, I actually love him.”

“But you've only known him for not even a full week.”

“I know, it’s crazy. He has an effect on me, I can’t even explain.”

“Well, it’s too early for this sort of heart to heart conversation, talk to me in a couple hours.” He said, falling back asleep. I grumbled and jumped out of the bunk. Walking past my bunk I heard my phone go off for the 20th time.

Please talk to me, I’m going insane without you. We need to talk. Xx

From: Josh

I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to run on his bus, and hug him while he gave me a sloppy kiss on the cheek, that made my heart melt. My stomach gurgled and I decided it was time to find food. I walked into the venue, going downstairs to order from catering. I walked downstairs, and found Alex.

“Hey.” he said, as I sat down beside him.

“Hey, I didn’t expect to see anyone at this time.”

“Me neither. I’m just thinking. What are you doing up?” he turned to me.

“Can’t sleep.” he raised an eyebrow.

“I need to vent to someone.” I said, turned my head.

“I’m all ears.” he smiled. And with that I exploded. I told him every single detail, and exactly how I felt. Confused. I wanted to hate Josh right now, but I wanted to jump into his arms and love him. He sighed, and sat back.

“Sounds to me like you’re in love.” he said.

“And I’m fucking terrified.” I said, and he chuckled.

“Don’t be.” he smiled.

“Seems to me, like I’m not the only one.”

“You’re good.” he smiled. “But I left for tour and I hate leaving.”

“I’m sure everything will work out.”

We ate some pancakes and talked about home, our embarrassing school moments, family, and pretty much everything.

“Ugh, what time is it?” I asked, remembering I left my phone on the bus.

“Almost 9am.”

“I should go before I run into someone I don’t want to see.” I stood up.

“Robyn, I would talk to Josh.”

“I plan to, just not right now.” I said and jogged back to the bus. On the way I ran into Dan.

“Morning love.” he smiled.

“Morning, sleep well?” I asked.

He sighed. “Terrible actually. Josh kept everyone up last night.”

“Oh ya, why?” I asked, and he gave me a knowing look.

“He’s ripping his hair out over you being pissed with him.”

I sighed this time.

“Just talk to him please. I need sleep, and I’m not getting any until he talks to you.”

I shrugged my shoulders, walking in the direction of my bus. Everyone had sound check, so I could finally be alone on the bus. As I sat down, I realized that no matter how much I wanted to be alone in here, I hated it. I really hated being alone. I scurried over to John’s bunk, searching through his little compartment for his emergency pack. I was never a smoker, maybe tried once or twice, but never liked it. But anything to make me somewhat relaxed is what I need. I grabbed the lighter and went outside the bus. I sat on the ground against it and lit the death stick. I inhaled and pretty much choked. I threw it on the ground and accepted that nothing is going to make this better. I crossed my legs and decided to look at my messages. Most of them from Josh, saying that we need to talk. One from last night, from Max, telling me that Josh is going mental. I threw my phone back in my pocket and sighed, placing my face in my hands.

“How are you doin’ love?” I heard.

I looked up and saw Matt. “Not too well, actually.” I said, as he sat beside me.

“Ya, neither is someone else we know.”

“Matt, what should I do?”

“About what?” He grinned at me.

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“He needs you, more than you see.”

“I need him. I don‘t even know what do to with myself.”

“Go talk to him.” Matt blurted out.

“I will later.” I got up, and walked back on the bus. I walked straight towards my bunk. I am not in the mood to talk to anyone. I stayed in my bunk, staring at the wall. Thinking about this whole shitty situation. I thought about what everyone has said, that this whole thing is just struggles of love. That I’ve got everything wrong. That Josh is the one more hurt than me. This whole situation is completely mental. I have so many questions going through my head right now. What could I have possibly done to make Josh hurt? I hate not knowing all this. I shuffled out of the bunk frustrated and realized it was time to talk. I’m not mad anymore, just still a little hurt and confused. But we’re not even dating, so I can’t be mad at him. I pulled on the huge oversized hoodie and changed into some black yoga pants. I rushed off the bus, in need of answers, and walked onto You Me At Six’s bus and found Max and Chris. They smiled when they saw me, but they looked terribly tired. I was about to say something, when there was a thud from the back lounge. We gave each other worried looks.

“Please go in there.” Max sighed. I nodded and proceeded. I was honestly nervous, I’ve never seen him this mad. I creaked open the door and tiptoed in, closing the door behind me. I saw Josh laying on the couch and staring in the opposite direction of me. I sat down at the end, by his feet and he shot up from where he was.

“Robyn, I don’t even know where to start. I’m not using you, or anybody. Please, just let me explain, don’t leave ple-”

“I’m not going anywhere.” I ran a hand through his hair. He was extremely stressed out. “Just calm down.” I cooed. No matter how hurt I am, I definitely didn’t want Josh in anymore panic than he already is in.

“I can’t. I messed up, but not how you think. That was my ex-girlfriend, I’m guessing she was drunk or something. and I just really need you to believe me. I’m not lying. I would never do that to you, I love you so much and I don’t even know how it’s possible. Ple-”

I reached up kissed his lips softly. “I believe you. I hoped you weren’t lying and now I know. Just seeing you like this, I know you’re not lying. I can‘t really be mad anyway.” a flash of relief came over his face, but turned confused.

“Can’t be mad?”

“We’re not dating, Josh. No matter how much I want you all to myself, you can go off and be with other girls.” The words tasted sour coming out of my mouth. I don’t want him with anyone else.

“And I hate that. Absolutely hate that.” he seemed angry.

“Hate what?”

“That you’re not my girlfriend! And that I’m not you’re boyfriend. Because in my mind, you're mine. I would be more pissed if you were with another bloke!”

“Josh, what are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m in love with you, and I want you to be mine and I can be yours officially.”

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?” I asked. He nodded his head sheepishly, getting nervous.

I found this very adorable and took his face in my hands, straddling his waist. I attached our lips and once again felt myself melting, as he held me in his arms. I knew I missed him, but right now I’m realizing just how much I love him. And then it set in, he’s mine officially and I’m his.

I sat up slightly, looking into his icy blue eye. “I love you.” As the last word flowed out of my mouth, Josh flipped me over, chuckling.

“So does this mean you’re mine?” I asked.

“Love, I was yours since the moment I laid eyes on you.”