The Punk Rock Princess & The Garage Band King

Days dragged on as they always do. I kept taking my pills, right dosage and all, and Dr. Calvin still wasn't showing up for his appointments we had already scheduled. It was really starting to piss me off. So after the second time he wasn't there, I sat in the gaudy waiting room and tried to call his assistant.

"Hellooooo?" She answered in a sing-song voice. There was laughter behind her. I could feel my blood boiling.

"Megan? Hi. This is Avery--" I went to explain the situation when she cut me off, her tone business like.

"Oh. Avery. Dr. Calvin won't be available for anymore therapy sessions for a while. He's dealing with a lot in his life right now, you know, with the divorce and everything." My hands became fists and my teeth clenched. Megan giggled and tried but failed to whisper Stop it, Calvin... without me hearing. But I did hear, and I heard him grunt in protest in the background. "I'm sorry but I have to go, dear." I tried to say something to her when she suddenly said, "Aloha!" And that was that.

I hadn't realized that I was standing up at this point. Pissed beyond belief, I stormed out of the office and out onto Ventura, stomping as quickly as possible until I could get off of the busy street. Destination set in my head, I made all of the necessary turns with an unnecessary amount of attitude until I got there.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

All I heard when I turned onto Abbot Street was static noise. I couldn't make out what it was, but it sounded like a bunch of amateur musicians trying to imitate a Blink-182 song. It was not working out, nor was it helping my already pissed off mood. Rolling my eyes, I walked up the sidewalk to the ugly powder blue colored house. Of course it was coming from his house. I knocked on the door, hard. No answer.

I was already fed the fuck up with today, and the fact that my best friend couldn't hear the mother fucking door to let me in, made it that much worse. Which is where I got my adrenaline to kick the door open with a resounding bang! Somebody screamed within the depths of the house.

"Maybe if you don't want your fucking door broken down," I yelled, stomping my way into the back room all the way down the hall, "You should stop playing such shitty cover music so mother fucking loud!!!" I shouted the last as loud as I could, with my eyes squeezed shut in frustration and anger. Finally, I opened my eyes and looked about the people around me, but unfortunately, the first person I saw was myself.

Well, I could hardly see, because the mirror was so smudged, and covered with lipstick marks, band stickers, and pictures. I could see my face, red, flaming, pissed as fuck, green eyes ablaze, brown hair in a messy array on my head. I looked away quickly, averting my eyes anywhere but at my reflection.

The person directly in front of the mirror looked at me with glazed over eyes and his tongue hanging out of his mouth. "I fucking love you." He said to me in a theatrically lovesick voice. He had a guitar in his lap, and was sitting indian-style on the floor, his neck tilted up uncomfortably to me, exposing his Adam's apple. His full lips swelled like he was waiting for me to respond to his gesture, slightly crooked teeth exposed just a little. I closed the two-stride gap between us and put my hand on the back of his neck and gave him the death glare. I knelt to the ground, eyes level to his blue ones. He knew this look. He knew exactly what it meant. He knew exactly what I was doing it for, but because I was so fucking pissed, I decided to explain it anyways.

"Don't. You. Say. You. Love. Me." I said through gritted teeth, with tears on the edge of my eyes, out of both frustration and sadness. I never put up with anybody saying it to me. Not even Lorraine, my best friend whose eyes I could feel pricking into my delicate shoulders, set on James.

I knew I was pulling a little too hard on the skin on his neck now, so I let go, and James pulled in a deep breath. I stood up now, facing the rest of the room. Raine had risen from the bean bag chair she had been sitting in and was now looking at me deliberately, eyebrows drawn in, trying to figure me out. Wanting to milk my anger a little bit more, I averted my eyes. Sitting behind a drum set, scratching his dirty-blonde shaggy head with one of the sticks, he looked at me with a sad half smile.

"Hey Ave." Mason says, breaking the silence that had fallen over the room without my knowledge. I glanced my eyes at Nick, who was tanned, with black hair and dark eyes. Taller than most, the subject of many a female fantasy, sitting with one leg on the other, supporting his bass, not looking at me. He never talked much, but I knew he wasn't looking at me this time because I had scared him. He didn't look like it but I knew.

My anger broke just like that, knowing that Nick was afraid of me was one of the worst feelings in the world because he was so nice. His straight nose was pointed down towards the bass, his dark eyelashes brushing his high slightly-cherokee cheekbones as he fiddled with his bass, not playing, just stroking it like it was scared too.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip, hard. "I'm so sorry, guys." I said as I opened my eyes and made my way to the cushy red couch next to Nick. I put my hand over his as he was trying to place a chord. "I'm sorry, Nick." barely above a whisper. His deep hazel eyes met mine and his thick eyebrows tilted up slightly, lips puckered in a frown. He nods slightly and that's all it took for me to fold myself into him, and I was genuinely sorry as he held me like I was a big sister to him.

The image of my little brother flowed to my head, how he looked somewhat like Nick. Dark brown eyes, long eyelashes, dark hair, handsome. Holy shit I thought to myself. The tears came then. I was about to leave him yesterday. I was about to fucking kill myself. How the fuck could I do that to him?! Let him be as alone as Nick seemed sometimes?!

I sobbed ugly, angry sobs. These four people were the only ones who knew my story. They were the only ones who knew how bad it was sometimes. They each made their way to me, and pulled me into them, like castle walls protecting me from anything and everything.

I just wish they could protect me from myself. But in that moment I was so greatful for them, that I just cried harder, my chest constricting just a little bit more, until I felt like I'd crumble under their weight, and the weight in my chest.