The Reckless and the Brave

Horrible things happen to people. They have happened to the good and the bad, and Ash Walker is no different. She didn’t exactly see that one coming, but it did. Suddenly her world was being shifted like she never thought possible. She was freaking out on the inside, but her face looked like she was just sad. Ash was unbelievably sad. She wasn’t entirely too sure what to do with herself. Should she talk or scream? Should she really be alone, waiting for Louis to return?
She was sure that she shouldn’t be left alone. All Ash was doing was blaming herself more and more. It must have been her fault. She must have something wrong with her. That’s why this happened. That’s why she shouldn’t be happy. She ruins everything that crosses her path. She considered herself lucky that Louis has yet to run. Ash was convinced that if he got the chance, he would run away in a heartbeat with Harry. He would run so far that no one else could follow them. Ash things she would like it this way. Louis and Harry against the world and all of that. At least the fans are quite fond of Harry. It’s like he’s in the band or something.
Ash was curled into the fetal position when Louis returned. She didn’t even hear the door open, but he knew it was him when he slid in behind her. Louis promptly wrapped her arms around her, burrowing himself closer to her. He must have thought that she was asleep because he kept pressing kisses into the back of her neck and shoulder. Louis kept chanting how sorry he was, and that she’s perfect. He said not to hate him. So instead of saying something, the purple-haired girl decided to let it go on for a little bit before she felt like Louis was relaxed enough. Finally the girl turned away, looking at her boyfriend’s puffy eyes and red nose.
“What’s wrong, Boo?” Ash spoke softly.
Louis’ face screwed up in what looked like agony.
“Don’t call me Boo. Please, don’t call me that.”
“What’s wrong with you?” She asked again, taking a hand to run through his fringe.
“Don’t get mad at me,” He spoke. “I did something dumb.”
“What is it?”
Louis sighed heavily, looking back up at her.
“I kissed Harry when I was drunk,”
Ash stopped, and almost laughed.
“I’m not mad about it. I’m just surprised that this is the first time that it has happened,” She admitted. Louis stayed perfectly still, closing his eyes for a moment. “That is the first time, isn’t it?”
It took Louis forever to answer. Ash knew the answer before it came. She wanted so bad for it to be the opposite answer. She said a silent prayer before she opened her eyes to stare at her boyfriend, whom was still crying for whatever reason.
“No,”
“Louis…”
“I think you need to hear a story,” He stated, looking down at his hands that were tightly clasped together. “It’s kind of out of nowhere really.”
“Louis?”
“It’s important,” He sighed, looking back up at her. “Please don’t hate me,”
Ash smiled a watery smile.
“I could never hate you,”
“I don’t know…maybe you can and you just don’t know it yet.” He muttered.
“Anyway….”
“Harry and I were dating about a year ago,” He spoke.
“What?” Ash stopped, staring at him. She just couldn’t believe her ears. She would have taught that this was some elaborate plan that he cooked up if he was in the shape that he was currently in. She didn’t say anything else as Louis judged whether he should’ve went on or not. “Louis…tell me,”
Louis sighed heavily again.
“We’ve been together on and off for a bit. Before Eleanor, and a little while after her, and it’s been rough. We fight constantly, but we were so in love. I was so in love with him, Ash.” He spoke, tears still slipping from his crystal blue eyes. “Harry wanted us to be out, and I just…I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t be the person that made him happy, so I had to cut it off. We had plans. We wanted kids, and other things. It’s not easy giving up all of that, but we did it. We were fine after that. Sure, it hurt to be around each other at first, but we got through it. We worked through it because we were Harry and Louis and we could do anything. It got easier as time went on. It’s been around a year or so since we’ve properly been together. When we met all of you, it got so much easier, ya know.”
Ash closed her eyes, and took a deep breath.
“So…why are you crying?”
“Do you remember a few nights ago when the three of us went out, and we ended up pissed?”
“Plastered?”
“Same difference,”
“Yes,” Ash nodded.
“Yeah…well….you might have cuddled to me, and I might have kissed Harry.”
“So that’s when you kissed him?” She questioned, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“I’ve ruined everything,” He sighed, shaking his head. “I’ve properly cocked up our friendship. Like I don’t know if it’s going to get repaired or not,”
Ash cuddled closer to Louis, gripping his tightly. She couldn’t tell him, not yet. She had to stay strong for her boyfriend whom seemed to be going through some-what of a mid-mid-life crisis. She breathed in his sent deeply, but that didn’t help. Soon enough, Ash was crying silently. They stayed like that; silent. They didn’t move for each other’s arms. That is until Louis pulled back, and whipped her eyes.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa what happened?” Louis questioned. “Now you’re crying… Ash what happened?”
“I can’t,” she continued to cry.
“Love, come on. You can tell me. Don’t worry about it. I won’t hate you…whatever it is,”
“Louis…” She whimpered, cuddling her head back into his neck. “Please don’t hate me,”
“Babe…what’s this about?”
“Louis…”
“Yeah?”
“I had a miscarriage,”
Louis’ world stopped, and they really didn’t know how to get it to start turning again. They laid there. Ash started to cry harder as Louis’ tears stopped. He just couldn’t believe what his girlfriend was telling him, yet….the words rung in his ears. A miscarriage? How could something so awful happen to someone like Ash. She didn’t deserve that. Her life had been hard enough, she didn’t need the added pressure of this on top of her shoulders. She’s strong, but Louis wasn’t sure if she’s strong enough to handle this.
Louis held the purple-haired girl as she continued to cry, and then suddenly she was quite. Her breathing wasn’t deep enough to be sleep, so he knew that she was still wide away. The tears had just stopped rolling. He wanted to do something, but he wasn’t quite sure what to do. This had never happened to him before. He needed to be strong for her, but fuck if this wasn’t the worst thing that could have ever happened to him and the person that he was pretty much gone for. It just wasn’t fair.
The thing about things like this is that they’re unexpected, and Louis wasn’t sure how much more either of them could take.

♥

“How are you feeling?” Louis questioned Ash as she walked around the hotel room, picking up her outfit for the night. They were all going to go out after the show for Halloween, but as it looked like, that wasn’t going to happen. Simon was due to be there in just a few more hours, two to be exact, and they needed to look presentable. Ash just fixed herself before she went to the bathroom to fix her makeup. Her and Louis were walking out of the hotel together, and well they weren’t exactly hiding their relationship anymore. That was a huge step from where they were just a few weeks ago.
The album release party is scary for all of the girls. They had so much new material that it’s a little scary to put it out there. Their sound has changed so much that the band was secretly afraid that their fans were going to start taking it a negative way. Ash wanted nothing more than to make them happy. They had always been there from the very beginning.
“I’m as okay as I can be,” She admits, putting eyeliner on her top eye-lid. “I’m still abit shocked.”
“So we were going to be parents?”
“Yeah,” She give him a small smile. “I guess this was for the best,”
“That doesn’t make it hurt any less, love,” He spoke, wrapping his strong arms around her wasit. “I love you so much,”
Ash stood, shocked for just a moment before smiling softly.
“I love you, too,”
“Good,” Louis’ smile widened. “Because I’m afraid that the girls and mum have already fallen quite hard for you. What have you done?”
“It’s the purple hair,” She joked.
Louis hummed before pressing a kiss to her temple.
“Must be,” He agreed, gripping her tighter before letting her go. “How are you physically feeling?”
“Better than I did. The doctor gave me some pills,” She shrugged. “How am I supposed to feel?”
“I’m not too sure,” He answered. “We’ll be okay, yeah?”
Ash stared at her reflection in the mirror for a moment before turning back to Louis.
“I think that we need to take a break,”
“What?”
That came out of nowhere, Ash knew that. She knew that Louis wasn’t exactly expecting her to jump into his arms, but he wasn’t expecting this. She wasn’t expecting it either, but she was feeling like it was the best decision. They just needed time, she thought. They just needed to be by themselves, and not get caught up in the things that their lives have offered since the beginning of the tour.
“I think we just need space.”
“Space? Space is the last fucking thing that we need right now, Ashley,”
“Don’t call me that,” She begged. “Please?”
“I’m sorry but I don’t agree with you. We don’t need space. We need time off of the fucking road. We need time together, not the other way around,”
“But what if that doesn’t make things better?” She argues. “We could get worse.”
“Are you sick of me?”
“No, God, no.” She shook her head. “I love you so much….but maybe we need to slow down. We haven’t been together for very long, and we could barely tell each other how we felt. Then we got pregnant without knowing it, and I killed our baby.”
Louis stood, shocked.
“What did you just say?”
Ash looked down at her feet.
“It must have been my fault. Something must be wrong with me, because I killed our baby.”
“You did not,” Louis spoke fiercely. He delicately grabbed her chin, and brought his lips to hers. “Please, I don’t ever want to hear you say such a thing again, got it? We’re in this together, and I love you. You’re not alone. You didn’t kill our baby. There is nothing wrong with you. I love you, you’re perfect,”
Ash shook her head, looking away.
“I don’t deserve you,”
“Maybe not?” Louis allowed, giving her time to react. She didn’t. “But you’re stuck with me, okay? We’re going to figure this thing out…together,”
“Why are you being so wonderful?”
“It’s called love, Ash,” Louis playfully smirked. “ I love you. Stop fretting over this. I know that it’s easier said than done, but you’re playing to so many people together. Other Celebrities will be here to celebrate the five of you. You lot have something to be proud of. Don’t let anything stop you from playing your heart out tonight, got it?”
“Yeah, I got it,”
“Good,” HE smirked, pressing one last kiss on her lips. “Let’s go to sound check.”
And they did.