Cease to Begin

"Don't hang up," he said immediately. "We need to talk Katie."

Things had been…interesting for Harry these last few days. He wasn't sure if he was over the mild heartbreak from her "good-bye", but it didn't matter. All that mattered was fighting for this, whatever this was, with Kate.

Louis would have advised against it, but Harry was back to hiding things again, as if he were some kind of junkie and communicating with his ex was his drug of choice. Besides, he wouldn't have listened anyway, even if he had told them. And he was too embarrassed to admit that she had just walked away after this huge, romantic gesture.

It always worked in the movies, conflict arises in various forms, pulling the star crossed lovers apart. In the final act, when the moronic boy realizes he can't live without his perfect girl, who is usually going somewhere via airplane, he vows to stop her. At the last possible, breathless moment he confesses whatever it is that needs confessing, and pledges his undying love. They kiss, the credits roll and the people in the theatre leave satisfied knowing their movie couple will be together forever.

Why couldn't life imitate someone else's art?

"No, we don't," he heard her croak, as if all the air had left her lungs.

He couldn't believe her, "We don't"? He wanted to shout at her, lay into her about exactly why they did. You couldn't just kiss someone like that, a kiss that made the fine hair on his arms stand up, one that left a constant tingling as a reminder, and bail. She had opened a flood gate, hoping a butterfly net would hold back the water.

"Kate," was all he could say, his tone stern, hoping that would change her mind.

He always seemed to forget how stubborn she was.

"Harry, I can't do this now," she told him, leaving him without an option as the dial tone rang.

Tossing his phone down to the bed, he stood and began to pace. She can't do this now, he repeated over and over in his head. His frustration grew with every pass of each word, stopping him mid stride. He picked up the nearest item, luckily only a book, and tossed it at the wall. It smacked flat against it, coming to the floor with a thud.

Dropping back down to the bed, Harry placed his head in his hands, using all he had to keep himself from screaming. He began to breathe, in and out, focusing on it so he calmed down ever so slightly.

He was still enraged when he grabbed his phone, growing angrier with each word he typed into the small text box.

Whoever you think you are, some self-righteous saint or victim, you seem to want to call the shots. Well, here's your bloody chance. Get in contact with me when you're "ready". This is far from over.

He pressed send with such force he was almost afraid his thumb would smash through the screen. He examined his hands in a moment of silliness, expecting to see them turned an awful green colour like the Hulk.

This thought sent him into a fit of laughter, complete madness finally setting in.

This whole thing had, for lack of a better term, fucked him up beyond comprehension. He was so used to getting what he wanted, when he wanted it. Girls threw themselves at his feet daily, like he was the king of England or something. So why, why when he was so privileged, did he feel so worthless?

She had just been some stupid teen romance, like those ones in the movies he had compared their last meeting to. Statistically those coupled wouldn't last, and even if they got married it would have most likely ended in divorce. Kate wasn't worth all of this grief.

He had, had just about as much as he could take. He understood why she would avoid him before, but now? He couldn't get that.

He couldn't think straight anymore. As she had before, Kate Fairfield consumed him. This time he wasn't chasing her just to see her, he had sent her that first text message a few days ago to make sense of things, and maybe to let her in on how he was feeling. Those feelings had been a mystery to him until he had purged them from his mind and was able to see them in black and white.

He scrolled through the phone that was still in his hand, which seemed to tremble the moment his eyes landed on what he had been seeking. He tapped on the message, scrolling up and down it with his eyes as he worked up the courage to actually read it.

Harry had never thought in a million years that he would have turned into this person, one who could let a girl break him down to this.

Kate, I know you said good-bye but it can't be. You don't kiss someone like that and run away. I know you felt what I felt, you pulled away so reluctantly, not wanting to let go. But when you did and you left me standing there like a complete fool, I know what it must have been like for you. I was cruel to you back then, I'm truly sorry. Whatever excuses i've given you, even a few days ago, were just that. You deserved so much better babe, really. I loved you once Katie, and I think that maybe I still could. We need to talk about this, we can't just leave it like that. Please, now that i've fucking well embarrassed myself. x Harry

He cringed, a burning in his throat coming on strong as if he was going to be sick.

He had been unfair to her, she knew that he was sorry. Now it felt like she was just being petty, knowing she had the upper hand, kicking him while he was down.

He didn't want to feel this pathetic. All he wanted was to clear this newly made mess up. He could take her actually saying that she wanted nothing to do with him straight to his face, not some cliche good-bye. He would accept the fact that they could or couldn't be just friends, even if that's what he might not have wanted. He was so confused though.

Harry fell back to lay flat against the bed, allowing his phone to gently drop out of his fingers.

Forgiving his past was the easy part, he had almost nothing to forgive. Being placed at a stand still was torture, he had no choice. But giving up, that wasn't in his DNA.

She couldn't hide behind how prepared she was or wasn't forever. He would come for her.