Cease to Begin

It was her bed now, adding to the growing list of annoyance in the young girl's life.

The sheets were too heavy, the blanket not heavy enough. The feeling of both against her skin made it crawl, made her want to peel it all off and throw it away. The pillow was too hard, the mattress too soft, the curtains hung too loosely bringing in too much light. Everything was stuffy, felt stale, smelt the same.

It had been a few days since Kate had run into Harry's mum, the source for all of this annoyance. She replayed that moment over and over in her mind, the cold tone, the flippant demeanor. What had she done? Harry was the one who broke her heart, not the other way around. He was the one who left her with a lie and the pieces to pick up.

Up to this point he had shown no remorse unless it was forced out of him, like it had been at the airport with a threat. And when he hadn't gotten his way, whatever that way was, he threw a tantrum like in his text message. She had been through enough concerning him, she was tired.

It was late, the entire house was quiet save for the bumps in the night that seemed so familiar to her now. The wheeze of her father's snore, the creek of a floor board here and there, the faint sound of a playlist her sister had constructed out of music Kate barely knew.

She had been up like this for days, worrying, wishing. She felt like she was starting to go completely mad, playing out the scenario with his mother with a different outcome in an obsessive manner.

If you had asked her to pinpoint what had been different at that very moment she wouldn't have been able to tell you. Her sheets still felt too heavy, the chill still rising up her legs from the blanket not being heavy enough. Maybe it was the full moon's light pouring into the window like some silver stream, so bright it almost felt like sunshine.

Full moon's did make people crazy, she thought.

She stared at the phone held loosely in her hands, the device teetering on that dangerous edge, one small move and it would come crashing down against the bridge of her nose.

She thought on it, contemplated the next move that she could make as if she were playing some demented game of chess. But only one thing came to mind, one thing that she would regret as soon as she did it.

She tapped at the square icon, scrolled to find his number, hitting it to bring up the messaging option and set out to unknowingly put things in motion.

When I'm ready then? Here's a tip dick head, don't brainwash your entire family into thinking I'm some sort of she devil, it really isn't cute. I have to live here still, unlike you, and when I run into your mum I'd rather not reenact scenes from Eastenders. Oh, and go fuck yourself x Kate

She read it back several times, deleting and adding things before she settled on her final draft. In one swift motion she pressed send, there was no turning back now.

His bed was so comfortable, the sheets light enough, the blanket the perfect thickness. The room was dark enough, quiet enough, he had been able to sleep so well despite everything that was going on around him.

This was his solace, the safest place to be. Harry had gone from sharing a room with Louis to the solitude of his own, battle lines drawn in the sand over his completely erratic behavior and unwelcome attitude. But, in those moments alone that didn't matter, nothing did, just the silence and himself. He didn't have to think, he didn't have to keep the television low, turn the light off when Louis wanted to sleep and he couldn't. Things were okay, if only he had known.

Harry was tucked into the bed, his phone sitting on the pillow next to him, the pillows underneath him propped up seeing as he was in seating position. The laptop was cradled by his thighs, feet stretched out comfortably as he looked far and wide across the internet to amuse himself.

He was in the middle of some random youtube video when the tone for a text message went off. Turning his head in a curious manner, he reached out to tilt the screen up, the name practically jumping off the screen.

He felt a heat rise up from his gut, the smile tugging at the corners of his lips without care, full of amusement. She had come around, she was ready.

All of that warmth completely drained as quickly as it came when he began to read the message she had sent him, the words stinging every inch of his skin like a thousand bumble bees. The amused warmth was now replaced with complete rage, his thumb viciously swiping across the screen so he could reply.

"What are you on about? I haven't brainwashed anybody," he began, prepared to let her have it. He knew that she probably wouldn't give him the satisfaction in responding anyway. He continued, "I haven't spoken to them about you. Back at ya mate x Harry

Smashing the send button, he tossed the phone back down on the bed, crossing his arms over his chest as if he were a child throwing a tantrum. She had a lot of nerve, accusing him of "brainwashing" the members of his family.

Before he could think on it anymore, the tone chimed again. He craned his neck to see what she had said, unaware that he was now in the midst of the most childish game either of them could play.

"You're an asshole," it said simply, gaining a short laugh from him.

He repeated the action from before, not prepared to let her have the last word. "I'm an asshole? Right, since I kissed you and chewed you out when you wanted to sort it. You're a psychotic bitch x Harry"

Within seconds she was asking for more, surprising him. This was the most they had spoken since the incident at the airport, this was what he had wanted. Harry had wanted to talk about what had happened, and in some way he was grateful it was finally occurring, even if they were spewing venom back and forth.

"Maybe, but at least I listened when you tossed me aside."

This old argument, he thought as he shook his head, tagging her again. "You really need to get over it, and yourself love. People break up, they don't hold a massive grudge and fuck with each other's heads.

"Uh, yeah they do," Kate responded before he could put his phone down.

For some reason this pinched a nerve with him, hit him deep enough to illicit more anger than he knew what to do with. The audacity of this girl, a girl he had once loved. Now, he was done with her, even if he had stated that so many times before. She had just crossed a line, admitting that she was messing with him, and for what?

"Not the point, never expected it from you. Shame really, that you turned into a spiteful twat. I got the message loud and clear okay? Your turn to fuck off Katie."

His chest was heaving when he hit send, breath short from the adrenaline and rage coursing through his veins. He waited as patiently as he could, numbers changing as the minutes ticked by, five, ten, fifteen. When it reached the half hour mark, smugness began to replace the anger, he had won. He had won, the victory bringing back that warmth of amusement, that smile tugging at the corners of his downturned lips.

But...what had he won? What was the prize for telling someone off, especially Kate? And there it was, as if on cue, the guilt creeping its way into his joy.

He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and allowing his head to fall back into the wall behind him. The loud thud sent a dull pain into his ears, squeezing his eyes tightly in an attempt to wash the regret away.

How had this gotten so bad? Before Harry had time to contemplate that question further his phone began to ring, a groan escaping his throat. He didn't want to deal with anybody right now, didn't know if he could. Without thinking though, he picked the phone up neglecting to look at the number, a running theme between the two that they hadn't even realized.

"Hello?" He mumbled into the receiver.

Nothing.

His eyes popped open, an eyebrow raising in question as he said it again.

Still nothing.

"Hello?" Harry spat, not having the patience for a prank call, which was what this was beginning to look like.

Then he heard it, the quiet gasp, a louder sob, he knew that tone anywhere. There was this one time, when her dog had gotten hit by a car and unfortunately passed away. He had never heard or seen anybody cry that hard in his entire life thus far, the sobs wracking her body so hard she began to shake. It scared him, and he would never forget it.

Swallowing hard, he pulled the phone away from his ear for a brief moment to collect himself, cooing into it when he had returned it to its previous place. "Katie, babe…don't cry."