Cease to Begin

The sound was heart-wrenching, guttural and desperate. She was gasping for air, that much was obvious to him, wheezing when she couldn't catch hold of it, because a noise was trying to claw its way out of her throat instead.

"Katie," he cooed again into the phone, his first plea having been a failure. "Come on love, just calm down."

This was starting to frighten him, the clam and quiet that would come from her end, seeping through the ear piece only long enough for Harry to take a note of it, and then a loud, booming sob following right behind. He felt so helpless, wanting to just wrap his arms around her, cradle her to his chest so she would stop. Instead, he was cursed, forced to sit in a bed half way across the world.

"Ka-"

"Did you really mean it?" She asked, finally managing to catch her breath and stop crying long enough to ask, her eyes welling up again immediately though.

She sounded so meek, so distant, like the question had only been thought instead of said out loud. It surprised the both of them, the sound of her voice and the content of what she had asked.

"Katie…I," he began, his eyes darting around the room, not entirely sure what she had meant.

"Did you," she sapped, more so out of fear than anything else. "Did you mean what you last said, about me f-f-"

"No," Harry sighed, now remembering. "Of course I didn't, I could never mean that."

Never, the word sent a shiver down the entire length of her body. Her eyes fell shut, the last bit of remaining tears falling down her cheeks as she hugged her knees tight to her chest. It was a relief, a natural emotion that Kate was allowing herself to feel.

When she had read it, the weight of those words coming from him sent her into a tailspin. It was so unexpected, so out of the ordinary. She had been fighting this long, shutting off every feeling aside from anger when it came to Harry Styles. Sure, she had cried over him, told him that she had never stopped loving him all that time ago at the airport. God, that felt like such a lifetime ago compared to now.

Now, now it was all just confusing. Why had she been so worried about him virtually placing the final nail in the coffin, it was what she wanted right? She had told him goodbye, she had made a point to say forever. Maybe it was just the fact that his mother had been so cold to her, or that she hadn't been sleeping well since then. Maybe it was because she was bored, having run out of things to do with herself. There was an excuse for this, there had to be for her sanity.

"Did you mean it?" He questioned, causing Kate to tremble from the surprise.

Narrowing her eyes, she swiped her tongue over her suddenly, too dry lips, allowing them to fall open as she prepared to answer.

"All of it Katie, everything. Did you mean it?" Harry pressed, making himself clearer. Her silence was too much to bear, the smart quips forming in the back of his mind to tell him that she had meant it, snarling at him to just give up already, this was a lost cause.

He heard her breathe, long and heavy, the air filling her lungs only to be exhaled and feed the sudden silence between them. It was making him crazy.

"No," she finally said. "I never meant any of it Harry."

His heart jumped in time with his stomach, the same feeling he got while riding a roller coaster or driving along those country roads a little too fast only to hit a dip, sending his senses into a frenzy. He wasn't entirely sure what this meant, not being able to bring himself to contemplate any of it while he had her on the phone.

Something struck him then, bringing a bout of laughter out of him. It made Kate glare out of instinct, her hand raising up in front of her in hopes of willing him to stop, like he was standing right there. They were having an intensely serious conversation, now he was laughing uncontrollably, it seemed inappropriate. She hadn't said anything funny, she hadn't actually said anything at all, aside from telling him that she hadn't meant it.

"What are you laughing at?"

"It's just," he tried, getting lost in his amusement before he could finish.

"Harry," she growled, the frustration of not knowing quickly welling up inside of her.

"It's just…you realize that this is the most civil conversation that we've had in a long time, right? Or well, since you know…the air-"

"Oh," she sputtered, cutting him off before he could finish. She could feel the heat rising up her neck in embarrassment, spreading over her cheeks before she could contain it.

He was right though, the more she thought about it. While she had been upset only moments ago, her emotions had done a one-eighty. She realized that, in that moment, there was no distain towards this boy swimming across her phone line. They weren't locked in some wrestling grip, trying to pull one another down in hopes of scoring some kind of misguided victory.

While Harry continued to laugh, he almost missed it. Kate's chuckle in response, low and quite at first, but soon joining him in the hysterics, the sound making him shut up completely.

"God I love that," he mumbled without thinking, the confession getting lost in the noise. He was too busy to notice, instead revelling in the sound of her genuinely laughing. It felt like he hadn't heard it in so long, memories instantly flooding back.

When she had calmed down herself, they began to share the silence again, but only for a brief moment.

"I've missed your laugh," Harry told her, his tone shy, as if he were a young boy telling the object of his affection something. And maybe that was what he was doing, just maybe.

"It's late Harry, I should go," Kate whispered, growing uncomfortable because of the sentiment, and he could sense that.

He looked over at the clock, his head bobbing up and down. "Right, yeah of course. It's almost morning there isn't it? I keep forgetting that we're on completely different points of the earth right now." He swallowed hard, bringing his hand up to cup the back of his neck, his fingers rubbing into it awkwardly.

"I'll see you Harry," she told him seconds before the line went dead, not giving him a chance to respond.

It was an odd phrase to use, instead of simply giving him a good bye or saying that she would talk to him later. It became erie the more he thought about it, his thumb tapping the "end call" button, his hand hesitating to place the phone down and allow it to rest. He could feel it, the nagging in the back of his brain, but what was it?

His eyes shot open, his fingers fumbling with the screen clutched tightly between them. "Reminders," he shouted inside of his head, "where is that bloody app?"

He was frantic at this point, forgetting that he had buried the stupid thing in a file with a bunch of other useless things, holding his breath until he found it. Once he had, there was a slight hesitation to open it, closing his eyes tightly, nervous of what he would find.

Prying the green orbs open, Harry scanned what was in front of him…his flight information. How could she have known? There was no way that Kate could have possibly realized that in a few days, he would be headed home.