He Never Told Me What He Did for a Living

“Pass the cranberry sauce please!” Mikey garbled past a mouthful of food.

“Michael James!” Donna scolded. “I know I taught you better than to talk with your mouth full.”
“Yeah, Mikey,” Gerard said, slapping him on the back. Mikey sent him a glare as he chewed slowly.

I rolled my eyes at the two of them and glanced at my Gran. She was smiling softly as she unfolded a napkin and placed it in her lap. It was Christmas Eve, and we were sitting at the dining table at the Way’s house, surrounded by fantastic looking food and crazy people.

Mikey reached for another roll, and before he could touch it, his mother, though she had her back to him, was reprimanding him again. “Leave it, Mikey,” she said. “We haven’t even said grace yet.”

Reluctantly, he pulled back and left the roll unscathed for the time being. Finally, everyone had been served, and Donna instructed us all to join hands. I slipped my hand into Gran’s on my left and Gerard’s on the right. Donna held the hands of her sons, and Mikey held his long-time girlfriend, Alicia’s, who had Gran’s other hand. Donna thanked God for Gran, her sons, and everyone else in her life. Finally, she blessed the food and said ‘Amen.’

We echoed her and the scraping of forks and knives on the china began, and for a while, no one spoke. Gran spoke up first. “So, Gerard, Josie tells me you’re going to be leaving soon?”

For such an innocent question, it caused some interesting reactions. Gerard and I froze, and he looked at me with emotions dancing across his face- mostly guilt. Mikey and Alicia watched the two of us intently, and I cooled my glare. Donna, oblivious to the various reactions, encouraged her sons proudly. “Oh, yes! Gerard, Mikey, tell Lorraine all about your tour!”

“Of course,” he said quietly. “We’re heading out after Christmas to tour for a few months. I’m not sure what our first stop…I must’ve slept through that meeting. Mikey?”

“Hmm?” Mikey said after taking a huge bite of turkey.

“What’s our first stop?” Gerard asked again.

“Narrphargmaneya,” he said and nodded.

Gerard raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “We won’t get it out of him while he’s eating.”

Alicia shook her head at her boyfriend but her smile was full of affection. They truly were a good fit.
Gerard’s eyes met mine over the turkey carcass and I knew he felt bad that he hadn't told me about the tour personally. I shrugged and went back to picking at my food- my appetite had seriously taken a nosedive lately. A glance at Gran revealed the same had happened to her, for she was pushing her green beans around on her plate.

When we were all too stuffed to move, we retired to various parts of the Way home. Gran and Donna settled in on the couch to channel surf, and Mikey grabbed Alicia’s and disappeared with her into his bedroom. That left Gerard and I awkwardly standing around in the kitchen. “C’mon,” he said, gesturing toward his room. “We need to talk.”

Reluctantly, I followed him down the stairs, smiling when I saw Tim Burton’s Nightmare before Christmas playing on his TV.

“So… I meant to tell you about the tour myself. I just…I was avoiding you,” he said, raking a hand through his hair to leave the short strands standing on end.

“I know,” I sighed. “I’m sorry you feel like you have to avoid me.”

Gerard’s shoulders slumped in defeat. “It’s difficult to keep my hands off you, Josie. I don’t trust myself to not throw you on the bed and have my way with you.”

A shudder ran through my body as his words caressed my brain. He had no idea what he did to me. The room was so still and quiet I could’ve heard a pin drop, and the tension was palpable. The heat in his eyes was undeniable, and there was a slight tremble in his fingers. He moved a step closer to me and brushed a piece of hair from my face. His thumb traced my bottom lip as his other hand slid deeper into my hair, fisting it and tilting my head back. My eyes slipped closed and I inhaled a shaky breath. And then his lips were on mine, hard and hungry and demanding everything that I could give him. I let him have it. My stomach tightened as our passion grew, and someone was emitting desperate sounding whimpers. I realized it was me, but I just didn’t have it in me to make it stop.

Gerard pushed forward until my back met the wall, where he pressed the full length of his body against me. I could feel every inch of him and I wanted it, every last bit of him. Sighing, I slid my hands down his chest, then slipped my fingers just inside the waistband of his jeans. He moaned into my mouth as I touched the bare skin at his hip. I moved my hands further down into his jeans, brushing the soft skin across his pelvis. Almost…

I thrust my hands deeper, desperate to feel the velvety skin of his throbbing need. Just a little closer…

Hands gripped my shoulders, and my fingers were left searching the air. I realized Gerard’s lips were no longer attacking my own, and I found that his were the hands pinning me against the wall so that I was immobile. His head was down, hiding his face, his chest heaving. I stood quietly, not knowing what to say or if I should say anything at all. My legs trembled beneath me, and the white hot passion that had built refused to go away, settling in my lower belly like lead.

“Gee…” I said softly, and my breath caught when he looked up at me. His face was torn halfway between anger and hunger. It was feral, and his eyes shone more green than I had ever seen them. The heat stirred within me as I studied him, and I felt like his prey. He wanted me, it was clear. But it was also apparent that he was fighting against it, denying himself because he considered it to be wrong. I watched as Gerard staggered back to sit on the bed, as if he had to force himself.

The tension in the room was thick and choking. I remained where I was, watching Gerard carefully. I was surprised when he spoke first. “See why I avoided you? I have no control around you…”

Again, I didn’t know what to say, so I simply nodded.

“I hate avoiding you, but I just…I can’t, Josie. What would people say?” I watched him thread those long fingers through his hair, and I wandered over to sit next to him.

“If you were just a normal guy…no one would think twice,” I said sadly.

Gerard laughed bitterly. “That’s true, isn’t it? If I was just a normal guy…” he said, then shook his head. “But I’m not a normal guy, Josie. I will never be…and as much as I know it’s going to hurt to say this…maybe that’s what you need- a normal guy.”

I nearly choked. “No! That’s not-” I began to protest, but he caught my face in his hands, making me look at him.

“I know a normal guy isn’t what you want, but have you ever thought that it might be what you need?” he asked softly.

I shook my head quickly. “No. Gerard…I’d never even truly liked anyone before I met you.”

He looked at me, his hazel eyes as murky and unreadable as ever.

“Please,” I said softly. “Don’t give up on this yet…”

“But-”

Catching his hands, I removed them from my face and held them. “I don’t want to give up, because if we do, and we miss out on something amazing…we only have ourselves to blame.”

I pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I will wait for you, Gerard Way. Are you with me or not?” I asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Eyes still unreadable, he pulled me into his arms. “I’m with you,” he whispered into my hair. “I’m with you.”

And little did I know, that moment, those words, would haunt me for the rest of my days.