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He Never Told Me What He Did for a Living
Chapter Nineteen
Though my flesh and heart fail, God is the rock of my heart, my portion forever. -Psalm 73:26
The scripture Gran had shown me this morning after Christmas services at church echoed in my mind, as did our conversation.
She’d shown it to me in an attempt to help me understand why she wasn’t afraid of dying. It helped, a little. I’d always known Gran had strong faith, and she’d spent years dragging me to church along with her. When I was younger, I’d been fascinated by the stained glass paintings and their beauty. Now, they were just a reminder that they’d still be there long after we were all dead and gone.
Sighing, I focused on my reflection in the mirror. A girl stood there, eighteen years old, with dark, nearly black hair, and blue eyes filled with worry. Worry lines creased her forehead, and she looked weary. A shadow crossed the room, and a man appeared behind me.
I looked away from the mirror, a small smile pulling at my lips as I turned to Gerard. He moved his arms, and I saw a small box, wrapped messily and tied with curled silver string. He grinned sheepishly. “Mom wouldn't help me with it,” he said, then made a mocking face. “Gerard Arthur Way, you are old enough to wrap a gift by yourself,” he mimicked in a falsetto.
I giggled and pulled out a similarly wrapped box, holding it up for him to see. “Gran said the same thing, so don’t feel bad.”
He laughed, and held out the gift he’d brought over. “I hope you like it.”
I took it from him, handing his over as well. “I’m sure I will,” I said. The only thing on my Christmas list is impossible if you’re not God.
I kept my thoughts to myself, not wanting to dampen the mood. We sat on the bed, each with a gift on our laps, and let out tense chuckles. “On the count of three?” he asked.
I nodded. “One…two…” I didn’t even reach three before Gerard was tearing into his gift, shredding the paper. With a small smile, I carefully unwrapped mine, fully intending to save the paper. When the paper was gone, we were each left holding boxes, mine a silvery square, and his a plain, stark white rectangle.
We pulled the lids off at the same time, each of us smiling at the revelation we’d gotten each other nearly the same thing.
I pulled a soft black and white corded bracelet from the box and inspected it. The word fearless was written on a plaque, and a small heart reading love dangled from the clasp. There, attached to it was a small letter charm- a ‘G.’ “I love it, Gee,” I whispered as I slipped it over my wrist.
He was looking at his bracelet, black with silver beads on either side of it. “It’s a friendship bracelet,” I said.
“I know,” he said, running his fingers over the piece. “It’s so cool.”
“Thanks,” I said, blushing. “And I love this,” I added, holding up my wrist with the bracelet hanging loosely on it. I lightly fingered the small silver ‘G’ hanging there. “It’s beautiful.”
I threw my arms around him. “I’m going to miss you, Gee.”
He hugged me back, wrapping his arms around my waist tightly. “Me too,” he said into my hair. Pulling back, he looked at me. “Don’t forget who you’ve become, Josie. Stay strong.”
“I’ll try, Gee. It’s hard to be strong when the only parent you’ve ever had is dying,” I said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
“I never said it would be easy.” His phone beeped, signaling a new text message. “Damn,” he cursed. “That’s Mikey, I gotta get back. We’re leaving earlier tomorrow than I originally thought.”
I smiled faintly. “So I guess this is goodbye?”
“Just for a little while,” he said, pulling me into another hug.
Gerard’s phone beeped again, and he let me go. Our eyes met, and he hesitated before lowering his lips to mine briefly. The kiss burned through my body, turning my bones into spaghetti and making me tremble in a need that nearly brought me to my knees. Such a small touch, yet it tilted my world on its axis, made it hard to breathe, much less think.
I squeezed my eyes shut as he pulled away, doing my best to hold the tears in check. The sound of a door clicking shut brought me out of my stupor, and I found that I was sitting in my room alone. The sight of the empty room brought the tears to the surface again, and this time, nothing could stop them.
And so I sat there in the bleak room, silent save the sounds of my sobbing, and wondered if this was a glimpse of my future.
The scripture Gran had shown me this morning after Christmas services at church echoed in my mind, as did our conversation.
She’d shown it to me in an attempt to help me understand why she wasn’t afraid of dying. It helped, a little. I’d always known Gran had strong faith, and she’d spent years dragging me to church along with her. When I was younger, I’d been fascinated by the stained glass paintings and their beauty. Now, they were just a reminder that they’d still be there long after we were all dead and gone.
Sighing, I focused on my reflection in the mirror. A girl stood there, eighteen years old, with dark, nearly black hair, and blue eyes filled with worry. Worry lines creased her forehead, and she looked weary. A shadow crossed the room, and a man appeared behind me.
I looked away from the mirror, a small smile pulling at my lips as I turned to Gerard. He moved his arms, and I saw a small box, wrapped messily and tied with curled silver string. He grinned sheepishly. “Mom wouldn't help me with it,” he said, then made a mocking face. “Gerard Arthur Way, you are old enough to wrap a gift by yourself,” he mimicked in a falsetto.
I giggled and pulled out a similarly wrapped box, holding it up for him to see. “Gran said the same thing, so don’t feel bad.”
He laughed, and held out the gift he’d brought over. “I hope you like it.”
I took it from him, handing his over as well. “I’m sure I will,” I said. The only thing on my Christmas list is impossible if you’re not God.
I kept my thoughts to myself, not wanting to dampen the mood. We sat on the bed, each with a gift on our laps, and let out tense chuckles. “On the count of three?” he asked.
I nodded. “One…two…” I didn’t even reach three before Gerard was tearing into his gift, shredding the paper. With a small smile, I carefully unwrapped mine, fully intending to save the paper. When the paper was gone, we were each left holding boxes, mine a silvery square, and his a plain, stark white rectangle.
We pulled the lids off at the same time, each of us smiling at the revelation we’d gotten each other nearly the same thing.
I pulled a soft black and white corded bracelet from the box and inspected it. The word fearless was written on a plaque, and a small heart reading love dangled from the clasp. There, attached to it was a small letter charm- a ‘G.’ “I love it, Gee,” I whispered as I slipped it over my wrist.
He was looking at his bracelet, black with silver beads on either side of it. “It’s a friendship bracelet,” I said.
“I know,” he said, running his fingers over the piece. “It’s so cool.”
“Thanks,” I said, blushing. “And I love this,” I added, holding up my wrist with the bracelet hanging loosely on it. I lightly fingered the small silver ‘G’ hanging there. “It’s beautiful.”
I threw my arms around him. “I’m going to miss you, Gee.”
He hugged me back, wrapping his arms around my waist tightly. “Me too,” he said into my hair. Pulling back, he looked at me. “Don’t forget who you’ve become, Josie. Stay strong.”
“I’ll try, Gee. It’s hard to be strong when the only parent you’ve ever had is dying,” I said, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear.
“I never said it would be easy.” His phone beeped, signaling a new text message. “Damn,” he cursed. “That’s Mikey, I gotta get back. We’re leaving earlier tomorrow than I originally thought.”
I smiled faintly. “So I guess this is goodbye?”
“Just for a little while,” he said, pulling me into another hug.
Gerard’s phone beeped again, and he let me go. Our eyes met, and he hesitated before lowering his lips to mine briefly. The kiss burned through my body, turning my bones into spaghetti and making me tremble in a need that nearly brought me to my knees. Such a small touch, yet it tilted my world on its axis, made it hard to breathe, much less think.
I squeezed my eyes shut as he pulled away, doing my best to hold the tears in check. The sound of a door clicking shut brought me out of my stupor, and I found that I was sitting in my room alone. The sight of the empty room brought the tears to the surface again, and this time, nothing could stop them.
And so I sat there in the bleak room, silent save the sounds of my sobbing, and wondered if this was a glimpse of my future.
♠ ♠ ♠
I know it's short, and I apologize sincerely for that, but this was difficult to write, and I think a lot of that is due to my own hesitation to write the things that the future chapters hold. So, since I've been working on this chapter for over a month and couldn't get it going, I decided to post what I was able to write so I can move forward with finishing the story. The only things that are missing from this short, poorly written chapter are minor details, and I can say with 99.9% certainty that those details will not be missed.-Rat Head.