He Never Told Me What He Did for a Living

Two days later…

“Don’t mourn me so, Josie. I will always be with you…” Gran’s words lingered in my foggy brain as I attempted to wake up enough to tell whoever was shaking me like a maraca to fuck off.

Something about my surroundings made me pause before the foul language left my lips. Oh, yeah. I remembered now- I’d crashed at the funeral home last night.

Now lucid, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked around, my eyes falling on hazel eyes and shaggy black hair.

I sat up with a jolt as I realized I had fallen asleep in Gerard’s lap. “I’m sorry!” I said loudly.

A crooked smile graced his face for a moment. “It’s okay, Josie. Even if you did drool a bit,” he said with a laugh.

“I did not!” I gasped, and then checked his crotch for slobber. Only when his smile grew did I realize I’d been had- and I was staring at his crotch, which never disappointed me.

I felt myself blush, and I was thankful we were alone in the church. “I hate you,” I muttered, straightening my black blouse.

He grinned at me. “No, you don’t,” he replied, smugness in his voice.

I rolled my eyes and stood, making my way back to the small kitchen, where I nabbed a hot cup of coffee and a doughnut. I managed to take exactly one nibble of the doughnut before Gerard snatched it from me and stuffed it into his mouth.

“Thethe mumph ma’ ooo fack,” he said around the doughtnut.

I stared at him. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to chew with your mouth full?”

I watched as he took a swig of coffee and swallowed. “I said, ‘these might make you fat,’” he said with a grin. “And Mama tried.”

I rolled my eyes at him.

After a brief silence of chewing and sipping, Gerard looked at me. “So…today’s the day,” he said. “Are you ready for this part, Josie?”

I took a deep breath and mulled it over. Today we’d be burying Gran and saying our goodbyes, something I’d been dreading for a while. “I think I am,” I said. “I dreamed of her. She told me not to mourn her, and that she’d always be with me.”

Gerard nodded in understanding. “It’s true, you know? At first the memories will be painful. In time, you’ll realize how lucky you are to have them, and you’ll begin to cherish them.”

I smiled. “I have so many good memories of Gran. I’m so thankful that she took me in and raised me. She gave me a good life.”

Gerard grinned. “See? You’re gonna be fine.”

"I hope you're right," I said.

"It won't be easy, but you're strong, Josie. If you can get through this, you can get through anything."
He gave me a one-armed squeeze and took another sip of coffee. When footsteps sounded in the hallway, he dropped his arm and stepped over to the coffee pot.

"Good morning, Josie, Gerard," said Billy as he headed straight for the Styrofoam coffee cups. "How are you holding up Josie?"

"Good morning, Billy. I'm alright. How are you today?" I replied.

"Oh, I'm feeling fine," he answered as Gerard filled his cup. "I'm afraid it looks like rain outside, though."

I considered every funeral I'd ever attended. "It always rains at funerals."

Billy swirled cream and sugar into his coffee and made a noise. "Yes, I suppose you're right, dear. It certainly seems that way, doesn't it?"

Gerard nodded his agreement and then tossed his now-empty cup into the trash. "We'd better get ready for the service."

I sighed and tossed my cup as well. "Might as well. Just let me clean up a bit. I’ll be right back,” I said, then walked down the hallway to a small powder room, where I’d stashed a change of clothes, a little makeup, and several other necessities.

After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I ran a brush through the length of my hair, smoothing a small amount of frizz serum through it and leaving it to fall in natural waves around my face. The dress I was wearing was discarded and replaced with one Gran had given me for my birthday.

I slipped it over my head and studied myself in the mirror. The dress was beautiful. Sheer black lace over the sleeves and chest gave it the illusion of a strapless dress, then descended over the rest of the dress, all the way down to my toes.

I wondered for a moment if she could have guessed what event I’d be wearing this for, then took a shaky breath before the tears could fall.

Hastily, I finished up and glanced momentarily at the orange prescription bottle, wondering if I’d need one in order to get through the service.

A knock at the door interrupted my dilemma, and I looked up to see Gerard, now dressed in black slim fitting slacks, a white button up with a solid black tie. He held his jacket over his shoulder, his hair its usual mess. “You okay?”

Swallowing, I nodded. “Yeah, I’m alright, I guess.”

He glanced over to the pills. “Do you think you’ll need those?”

“I…I don’t know,” I admitted. “I haven’t needed them yet, but today is…”

“Today is going to be hard,” he finished. Reaching past me, he grabbed the pills and slipped them into his pocket. “I’ll hang onto them. If you think you need them, you can come find me.”

Without warning, I hugged him. “Thank you, for being here for me. It means a lot to me.”

“I’d do anything for you, Josie, you know that.”

“I know…” I said, then pulled back. “There’s one more thing I could use your help with…”

***

I cleared my throat, somewhat overwhelmed at the people who had come to mourn my grandmother’s passing. The microphone felt slippery in my sweaty hands, and I gripped it tighter.

“I want to thank you all for coming. My Gran…she would be happy to see you all here, to know that she meant so much to so many. She was a great woman-a mother to me, a friend, and a confidante when I needed her. And to honor her, I have a song I’ll be playing on piano. A dear friend will be accompanying me on the vocals,” I said, then motioned Gerard over. He gave me a gentle squeeze and a reassuring nod as he took the microphone from me.

I walked over to the piano and gently lifted the cover, caressing the ivory keys as I arranged myself on the bench. Gerard looked to me, and I took a deep breath, then nodded, playing the opening notes of ‘Now Comes The Night’ by Rob Thomas.

On my cue, Gerard began to sing. “When the hour is upon us, and our beauty surely gone, no, you will not be forgotten, no, you will not be alone.”

I lost myself in the music, the notes pouring from the keys beneath my fingers. Softly, I let my voice blend with Gerard’s, and I was surprised by how good, how natural we sounded together.

The song hadn’t been something Gran was familiar with when I first began to learn to play it, but I’d let her hear the original version, and she had instantly liked it. Often, she’d request that I play it for her while she sat in her old rocking chair, where she’d hum along.

It felt right to play the song here, with all of her friends and loved ones gathered to say their goodbyes.
Gerard sang the final verse and I played for a moment more, letting the melody fade slowly.

I wiped at tears I hadn’t known I’d been crying, and replaced the cover over the piano keys. As I stood, I cast a quick glance over the room full of people, who were clapping quietly- a few were wiping away tears.

Gerard gave me a proud smile, then bowed his head slightly. I followed suit, then allowed him to lead me back to the front bench.

And I sat there, between Angel and Gerard, feeling secure that with them, I could get through anything.

***
The trek to the cemetery was a difficult one- it had begun to rain, and my thin shoes were soaked by the time we got to the tent set up by the funeral home.

Words were said by Billy, and I placed a flower in her coffin. People began to drift away, either to visit the resting places of other loved ones or to go home to their families.

I stayed behind, watching them close the lid of Gran’s beautiful coffin and clasping hands with Angel and Gerard.

Softly, Angel untangled our fingers and pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry Josie.”

I nodded numbly into her shoulder, holding on to her longer than I meant to. “Thanks for being here for me, Angel,” I whispered.

She pulled back a little and wiped a tear from my cheek. “Anytime, Josie. Call if you need me,” she said, and then looked to Gerard. “Take care of her, Gerard.”

He nodded, and together, we watched her go. Gerard glanced up at the sky as thunder roared overhead, then pulled me to his side.

“We should probably go soon,” he said quietly, carefully; as if he were tiptoeing on glass.

I open my mouth, but the words won’t come out. Instead, I nod and tuck myself closer to him, and I can feel the warmth radiating from his body despite the chill of the rain.

A sense of loneliness has settled deep into my core, into my very bones, and I cannot help but wonder if I will ever be the same again.