Don't Give Up on Us

I’ll admit I stalked some tweets. But it was for good reason, okay? Anyway, what I found out was that it really was just Max and Josh here. They were on a “lad’s holiday” because “YOLO” or something. I let out a prolonged sigh. I didn’t want anymore drama, I didn’t even want to see him again. All I wanted was to try to fix whatever was going on with Alex and I.

Maybe I was a little curious though. I’d watched some new music videos they’d put out over the last year. His hair was a little bit shorter now. He had some stubble going on. His smile was still breathtaking. He was growing up. Without me.

I clutched the pillow in the hotel room and bit down hard on it so Alex wouldn’t wake up to my tears. I stayed awake all night trying to get rid of the thoughts. The truth was I missed him. I missed him a lot but it was my own fault we hadn’t even spoken. I left. I just walked out. I didn’t even say goodbye.

“Hi,” Alex greeted me with a kiss the next morning. I threw my arm across his waist and he pulled me close into his chest. “What’s wrong?” he picked up immediately.

“Nothing,” I yawned. “I’m just really glad we’re here together.” He stroked my messy hair and laid kisses on top of my head. I missed this too.

Eventually we both got out of bed. “What do you want to do today?” Alex asked me, rearranging the pillows on the bed. He was such a neat freak when he wanted to be.

Before I could answer him, my phone beeped on the bedside table. “It’s Max,” I informed Alex. “He wants to know if we want to meet for lunch in a bit?” I half asked being cautious.

“Perfect,” Alex grinned. “Contrary to popular belief, I don’t hate that little guy. If anything, I look up to him. Not literally though.”

“Hey!” I play punched Alex’s shoulder. “Shut up or I’ll get him to hit you again.”

“That’s a sensitive subject!” Alex laughed, grabbing my waist and shoving me onto the bed. “What time does he want to meet anyway?” he asked while hovering over me and softly kissing my neck.

“About thirty minutes actually,” I giggled at his touch. “Now if you could kindly leave me get ready…”

“Fine,” Alex dragged out the ‘i’. “But we’re picking up this later,” he pecked my nose and ran to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later Alex and I were waiting for Max and (presumably) Josh in a sushi bar. I was beginning to feel scarily nervous. I started twiddling my thumbs (a habit, I thought bitterly, that I had acquired from spending too much time with Josh). “Chill,” Alex whispered into my ear. He took my thumbs apart to hold on of my hands and started rubbing circles on my knuckles with his own thumb. It was surprisingly calming.

After a little bit more waiting and feeling like I was about to be sick, I saw Max come through the doors. Alone. I breathed a sigh of relief and Alex chuckled next to me. I hadn’t told him Josh was here with Max. I just presumed he knew. Now I was pretty sure he did. “See?” he laughed. “Nothing to be worried about,” he said. He got up from his seat and bro hugged Max. “Long time, no hang,” he laughed.

“I hope you’re taking good care of this one,” Max looked at Alex sternly, flickering his gaze over towards me. “She can be a handful.” I watched Max and Alex take their seats and sent a death glare at my brother.

“What are you doing in NYC on your own?” Alex enquired. I silently thanked him for asking the question I was dying to hear the answer to.

“I’m not,” Max paused. “Bit of a holiday with my mate.”

“Josh?” Alex replied simply.

“Josh,” Max confirmed, taking a sip from his drink. He stared at me over the rim of the glass. He was searching for some kind of reaction. I kept a poker face. I was relatively calm. Ten minutes ago I had accepted I was about to meet Josh for the first time in over a year.

Was I disappointed he didn’t show?

I couldn’t even let myself think about the answer. I excused myself and walked to the bathroom. What are you doing? I splashed cold water over my face. You should be over the moon. You don’t have to see him. It’s what you wanted, remember? I took a few long, deep breaths and exited the bathroom again. Snap out of it, I thought.

“Minnie,” Alex and Max welcomed me back simultaneously.

“I ordered for you, I hope you don’t mind,” Alex told me. I shook my head at him and muttered a thank you in his direction. “Max and I were just talking about how we’re all going to go out for a few drinks later, if you’re up for it?”

I shut my eyes. Who was ‘all’? I figured Josh wouldn’t show. He obviously knew I was here and he knew Max had run into me. He was going to avoid me at all costs because the thought of being in the same room as me probably disgusted him. He hated me. I mean, I knew he hated me but this just kind of hit it home. My stomach twisted at the thought of him never wanting to speak to me again. I got a headache when I thought about never seeing him again.

“Sure,” I smiled down at them.