Can't Be Friends

Nia

Lonnie smirked as Devan walked out of Gap over to where we were waiting for him.

He slapped Devan on the back. “You ready for this? Crazy, drinking, partying, sex lifestyle you're about to embark upon, my friend?”

“I thought we were going to Applebee's?” Devan said with mild skepticism.

Lonnie smiled. “We are. You never know what to expect at this Applebee's though.” He reached his arm out toward the restaurant. “You never know what lies in wait behind that door.”

Devan merely shook his head at Lonnie's antics, probably used to his best friend's weirdly humorous behavior.

“Whatever, man. Let's just grab some appetizers and hit the road. If I want to pick up Kyree from Tamara's mom's house before 8, we need to get going.”

Lonnie turned to him in surprise, opening the door to Applebee's. “Bruh, don't tell me you're babysitting on your birthday?”

Devan gave Lonnie a dumbfounded look. “Lonnie, it's not babysitting if it's your kid. It's called being a good parent. And I'd like to see my son on my birthday, yea.”

Lonnie held his hands up in surrender. “A'right, a'right. Sorry, man. I just want you to chill with some friends a little while. This is a special birthday.”

Devan raised a brow at Lonnie. “I don't drink, man. You know that.”

Lonnie just smirked.

“Three?” a hostess asked and Lonnie nodded.

Devan looked back at me and shook his head as the host led us to our table. I laughed lightly. He was such a cutie. And, of course, incredibly responsible and kind. His girlfriend was lucky.

As we waited for our waiter, Lonnie and Devan bickered back and forth about drinking alcohol. My cousin somehow managed to win that battle because when the waitress asked for our drink orders, Dev ordered a beer.
Lonnie tried to do the same, but the waitress asked him for ID. Somehow, he flirted his way out of it. He offered to buy me one too, but I declined. Someone had to make sure they didn't do anything stupid.

A couple beers and some appetizers later, Devan was calling his fiance.

“Hey, Tamara . . . yea, look, I've been drinking with Lonnie and . . . what? No. It's not like a party or anything, babe, that's why I didn't invite you. Lonnie's treating me to some appetizers for my birthday- . . . yea, thanks. I'm a little tipsy, so I'll come get Kyree tomorrow, a'right?” Devan smiled sarcastically at the answer he got. “Yea, love you too.”

Devan took a deep breath and shook his head. “I swear she takes every fucking single chance she gets to give me shit about nothing . She's gonna get mad at me for not inviting her to hang with me and my friends, when she hates my friends. I don't understand. Then she wants to be cool all of a sudden because she forgot my birthday and she doesn't want me to be mad.”

Lonnie shook his head, pursing his lips. “I'm not gonna say anything, because you know how much I absolutely despise Tamara. But you shouldn't marry her, bro.”

Devan laughed. “I thought you weren't going to say anything.”

Lonnie smirked. “Seriously, Dev. She offers nothing positive for you, bro. Nothing but negativity and drama, man.”

Devan was leaning against his arm on the table and at that moment his elbow slid and he almost hit his head on the table.

We all laughed, but when it died down, Devan put his forehead to the table and sighed.

“I have to marry her. She's the jealous type, so if I want to keep my son in my life, I can't be with anyone else. And if I'm never gonna be with anyone else, I mind as well . . . marry her.”

Shit. Damn.
What kind of life is that?

Lonnie sighed and pointed at Devan from across the table. “Do you not hear yourself? Devan, this is your life, man. Don't waste it with some argumentative, insecure little girl. You deserve better . . . even if you did make a mistake in high school . . . it shouldn't affect the rest of your life, Dev. I-I can't watch that shit. You're my best friend. You've been my best friend for over ten years. And I'll be damned if I let you fuck up your life because you thought you'd found the one when you were a kid, when you didn't even know better.” Lonnie shook his head again. “No. We're gonna fix this shit, bro. And you're gonna be able to keep your kid.”

For a careless jokester, Lonnie sure did know how to speak some truth.

Devan nodded. “You're right. Thanks, man.”

Lonnie's goofy grin reappeared. “Alright! Now, let's hit your crib and turn this shit into a real party!”

Devan laughed. “Of course.”

“Nia . . . Nia, wake up.”
I groaned. “What?”

Keivan was looking down at me. “You okay, Nia?”

I sat up, flicking my lamp on. “Yea? Why wouldn't I be?”

He sighed and sat on the bed next to me. “Well . . . I just woke you from a deep sleep and it's 5pm, so excuse me for being a little worried about my big sister.”

I sighed. “Is it really that late?”

He nodded. “Yea. I know you didn't drink that much so . . . what's up?”

I wanted to just flop back down and go back to sleep, ignore all my problems the way I had been for months. But it was Keivan. And if I couldn't talk to Shawn, for obvious reasons, then . . . Keivan was next in line.

“Come on, Nia. Tell what's wrong.”

“Are you sure you want to get into it?” I mumbled, eyes already starting to tear. “I'm pretty fucked up, bro.”

Keiv bit his lip. “Please. Tell me.”

Letting out a deep breath, I prepared to actually let someone in for the first time in . . . far too long.

“At the party . . . Shawn took me up to a room,” Keivan's eyebrows creased, “So he could bug me about 'what's wrong', 'what happened to you in Jersey', 'our friendship has been strained'. And I was kinda drunk, ya know, so I wasn't as in control of my emotions, of my thoughts, my words, my actions. I couldn't take all his picking, caring, wanting to help me,” I laughed a little sarcastically. “But he just kept asking, wanting to know, wanting for me to be okay, for things to be normal. Gah, how I want things to be normal. It was just-it was too much. And I just kissed him. I told him I realized I'm in love with him. And he didn't say anything back so I fled. I wish I hadn't- I wish I could've just . . . told him the truth, but I just- I couldn't tell him about, about-,” my voice broke off in a sob, “Without reliving it, I jus-” Keivan shushed me, pulling me into his arms.

“Shh-sh-sh. It's okay, Nia. It's okay.”

“I don't understand,” I choked on a sob. “How people can live with this experience . . . how people can just go on after-”

“It's okay, it's over, it's over.”

“It's all my fault. It's all my-”

“Shhh, Nia. It was not your fault, not your fault. Breathe, just breathe. Just. Breathe.”

I couldn't change anything that happened. Couldn't take what I said to Shawn back. Couldn't tell him what was wrong with me. Couldn't go back to normal.

All I could do . . . was breathe.

A knock woke me up the next time.
“Mm. Come in.”

My dad's head popped in. “Hey, baby. I brought you some meatloaf.”

I smiled at his skeptical tone. “Sounds good.”

He walked into the room, closing the door behind him. I took the plate from him as he sat at the end of my bed.

I glanced at my phone and saw it was 9pm. And a text from Jayna.

“Nia?”

I looked up at my father, devouring the meatloaf, potatoes, and peas. When was the last time I'd eaten? It was on my top five favorite meals list.

“Yea, Dad?”

His light brown eyes stared into mine and he bit his lip, the same way Keivan had earlier.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?”

I was giving everyone around me an ulcer.

“Yea, Dad. I'm okay.”

His eyebrows drew together. “I looked up some of your symptoms . . . the sleeping all day, not really eating, melancholiness . . . My search led me to a lot of depression stuff, but one site talked about mood changes and PTSD and I was looking at the criteria for PTSD and-”

“Dad, how'd you even know how to use search engines?”

He stopped and smiled at me. “I'd do anything for my baby, including figuring out how to Google.”

I grinned back at him. “I'm fine, Dad. I just . . . I told Shawn I'm in love with him and . . . it didn't really go too well.”

My dad's face changed significantly. “Whoa-wha-I- Since when are you in love with Shawn?”

I laughed. “I . . . I just realized it . . . last summer. But it doesn't matter anyway because he doesn't think friends should date and blah blah blah.”

“Well he's stupid if he passes up a chance to be with you. And I always took Shawn for a smart guy. So maybe you should just give it some time, let him get used to the idea. You probably shocked the boy.”

We both laughed a little.

“Even if he decides to be an idiot and not be with you, at which point I might have to promptly punch him in the face, I want you to know just how truly beautiful, smart, and amazing you are, Nia.”

I hadn't smiled that much in . . . a while. “I know, Dad. I'm not too concerned with that right now. It's not like things were going back to normal anyway.”

My father gave me a sad smile. “I'm sorry, baby. I wish I could change what happened, I really do. But you're gonna be okay. Things can't be normal again, we can't go back, but they can be good again. You just have to be ready to allow a little brightness back in.”

I nodded and my father moved to sit next to me. He wrapped one arm around me and embraced me.

“I love you, Nia.”

I looked up at him, tears in both of our eyes. “I love you too, Dad.”