I'm Not Strong Enough to Stay Away

I had a major case of cabin fever—well, Sioux Falls fever would probably be a more appropriate term. I wanted to leave so badly. Ella and the others were taking way too long for my liking. Those eight days felt as long as a year.

Bobby could tell how restless I was getting; he finally told me to go pick one of the working cars in the junkyard (a black ’65 Mustang GT—it was beautiful) and kept sending me into town on meaningless errands, just to get me out of the house.

Bobby and I had bonded. Ever since I told him about my past, he treated me like the daughter he’d never had, and I treated him like I had Greg. Of course, Bobby couldn’t replace Greg in my mind—no one could—but he was close. I now officially had my own room in his house, and the upstairs bathroom was mine, too. It was actually starting to feel like home.

He’d told me about what got him into hunting. We’d gotten bored one day and started asking each other questions, and that had accidentally slipped my lips. I told him he didn’t have to answer—a hunter’s reason was completely personal (I knew that better than anyone)—but he told me anyway.

It was his wife, Karen. She had been possessed by a demon and he didn’t know how to stop it. He’d been forced to kill her, then promised himself that nothing like that would ever happen again. So he started educating himself on the supernatural and had become a hunter.

After he finished telling me about it, I realized something: all the hunters I’d ever met had some dark, depressing reason to start hunting or were either raised into it for that reason. If Greg hadn’t found me, I would never have become a hunter. I was only nine—my powers scared me; that was all. I didn’t know about the secret monster world, so I had never considered it a cause of my condition.

But the more I learned about the occult and all of the evil in the world, the more I wondered where my powers had come from, and whether I was meant to be good or I was meant to be evil.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I was headed out the door to go to the store for more beer the next day when I heard it: the sound of a car’s motor as it pulled into Singer Salvage. My heart leaped at the possibility that Ella and Sam were back, but I tried not to get my hopes up. People came to Bobby all the time for advice; this was probably just another rookie looking for help.

To my delight, a shiny black Impala pulled up in front of the porch. Ella was out of the car and hugging me before the car had even stopped. “I’m so happy to see ya!” she gushed, squeezing the life out of me. She stood on tiptoes, just barely reaching my ear, and whispered, “I never wanna go on a hunt without ya again! It felt so weird without ya there to have my back!”

“Good to see you, too, Elle,” I choked, and she let me go, smiling brightly. “Hey, Sammy,” I said, waving a little at him. He grinned and waved back, looking adorable, as always.

“How the hell’d you get out?” Dean asked angrily, slamming his door and storming up the steps to grab my arm tightly.

Sam was there in an instant, pulling me away from his brother.

I shook both of them off and said, “Bobby let me out.”

“Yeah, right,” Dean said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t believe me? Ask him yourself.” I caught Sam’s eye and grinned, then turned and walked back into Bobby’s house. The others followed right behind me.

“Thought you were gettin’ beer,” Bobby said without looking up from the book he was reading as I walked into the living room.

“Change of plans,” I said carelessly, suppressing a laugh at Dean’s incredulous expression.

Bobby glanced up at me and noticed the others standing there. His eyes went to Dean and he muttered, “Balls!” under his breath.

“What the hell, Bobby?” Dean exclaimed. “Why the hell’d you let her out?”

“She ain’t on it, Dean,” Bobby said calmly, standing up. “I kept her in there four days and she didn’t even hallucinate once. And the Devil’s traps didn’t bother her.”

“The deal was five days!” Dean shot back.

“Watch it, boy,” Bobby warned, then he pulled a card that almost made me laugh. “Listen to your elders, ya idjit. I say she ain’t on it, so she ain’t on it.”

Dean looked like he wanted to argue, but what could he say? Now I had everyone on my side, and he was alone with his stupid theory. Plus, as Bobby had pointed out, the older hunter was more experienced and knew a hell of a lot more than Dean.

Finally, after a minute, Dean turned to me with a glare, saying, “Okay, fine! But I still don’t trust you!”

“Works for me,” I replied, giving Bobby a grateful smile. 'Yeah, Dean still doesn’t trust me, but at least I’m outta that shithole!' I rejoiced in my head. 'Freedom!'

“Hey, um, Ella,” Sam said, jolting me out of my celebratory thoughts. “Can I talk to you for a minute?” Ella nodded and followed him outside, shutting the door firmly behind her.

I felt kind of selfish for it, but I couldn’t help thinking, 'Haven’t they been together this whole time? When do I get to have a private conversation with Sam? And what the hell could they be talking about?'

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Something was wrong.

Ever since the others had gotten back from Virginia, Sam and Ella had been acting weird. They got angry easily, and we were all constantly bitching at each other because of it. Dean was still the same obnoxious asshole, though, so at least that was normal.

'It’s probably nothing,' I thought. 'We’re always around each other; we’re bound to fight sometimes.' I tried to ignore the familiar feeling of warning in my gut, telling me that this wasn’t just tension.

Sam and Ella were spending a lot of time together, and though I hated to admit it—even to myself—I was jealous. They were always sitting close together and whispering, only to stop abruptly whenever anyone walked in on them. Dean was starting to notice it, too.

“What’s up with them?” he asked me, staring over at our siblings. (Yes, I’m aware that Ella isn’t my actual sister, but remember, I grew up with her, so she might as well be.)

“No clue,” I said pensively. “They’ve been like this ever since you got back. What were you hunting again?”

“Just these two spirits of a couple who killed their families, then themselves. They took revenge on whatever families lived in their house.” Dean shrugged. “No big deal. Simple salt and burn.”
“You sure?” I pressed.

“Yeah, why?”

“I dunno, I just… never mind. It’s probably nothing. Forget it.”

“No, what?”

“No, it’s nothing,” I insisted. “And why am I talking to you, anyway?”

“’Cause I’m all you got,” he replied with his trademark smirk, “now that Ella’s Sam’s new favorite.”

I glared at him and snapped, “And why would that bother me?” Dean shrugged again and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. “Ugh! You’re unbelievable!” I stormed off, leaving him grinning satisfactorily.

He was right, though. 'I guess there’s a first time for everything,' I thought, extremely annoyed that he saw how jealous I was that easily. 'He has to be jealous, too, though, doesn’t he? I mean, he and Ella have something going; whether it’s anything like a relationship, I dunno, but it’s something. It has to bother him that she’s so focused on Sam now.'

The more days that went by, the more peculiar Sam and Ella became. On one hunt, Ella simply stood by and watched while a ghost attacked me. I would’ve died if Dean hadn’t jumped in and saved me.

Another time, Sam had tried to strike up a conversation with me in the middle of a demon attack. This time, Dean was the one who needed saving. I could see how much that bothered him. He and his brother depended on each other, even more than Ella and I did.

I was pretty sure that he was finally coming to the same conclusion as I had: whatever they had been hunting hadn’t been a simple salt and burn. No, it had been much worse than that, and it had done something to Sam and Ella.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

Sam and I were researching one day (oh, look, another thing that was normal) and I finally got up the nerve to talk to him about what was going on.

“Hey, Sam,” I said hesitantly, and he glanced at me curiously. “Are you, y’know, feeling okay?”

He rolled his eyes and said, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I bit my lip, worried by his overly defensive tone.

“Are you sure?” I pressed quietly. “Ever since you guys got back form Virginia, you and Ella—“

“Dammit, Gari, I said I’m fine!” he snapped, and I instantly recoiled as if he had slapped me. He snatched up his laptop, slammed it shut, then stormed out of the hotel room.

Okay, now I knew there was something wrong. Very wrong. Sam would never talk like that to anyone—except maybe Dean—and I really liked to think he especially would never talk like that to me.

I had to get to the bottom of this, and it seemed like there was only one other person who could help me.

I figured Dean would be at the nearest bar, and I was right. He was sitting beside a trashy young blonde whose super tight pink t-shirt aptly labeled her “Jailbait.” She was giggling like crazy at something he had said, and he was wearing a self-satisfied grin. 'Oh, this is gonna be fun,' I thought deviously.

Throwing my long, natural blonde hair over my shoulder, I pranced up to Dean and Jailbait. I placed my hands over Dean’s eyes and, in the perkiest, most annoying voice I could manage, said, “Guess who?”

Jailbait gave me a very confused look and Dean said, “Um…?”

“It’s me, silly!” I exclaimed, giggling obnoxiously and sliding my arms around his neck. “Who else would it be?” I asked, then kissed his cheek.

Jailbait stared at him, utterly shell-shocked, and he stared back with the exact same expression. “Um…?” he said again.

“So who’s your friend?” I asked, still attached to him. “I’m Gari,” I told her, smiling brightly.

“I’m… uh… Tori,” Jailbait stuttered, taking in my appearance. I was wearing a lacy black tank top,
black skinny jeans, and my studded boots. As I shifted my hands, the bells on my hunter’s bracelet jingled, drawing her attention, and she stared at the pentagram warily, obviously thinking, 'Devil worshipper.' I normally hated when people thought that, but for now, it worked to my advantage. “So, um… are you two… together?”

Dean started to shake his head, but I said happily, “Yep, for six months now!”

“Oh, uh… congratulations… I’m gonna go…” Jailbait Tori said. “It was, uh… nice meeting you.”

“Bye!” I waved enthusiastically as she quickly walked away, then I released Dean and took the seat that she had vacated. “Dude, I was starting to think she would never leave,” I said, going back to my normal voice. “And I was so not looking forward to the prospect of snogging you.”

“Snogging?” Dean asked confusedly. “Y’know what, never mind. What the hell was that?”

I shrugged innocently and said, “It was fun.”

He was struck speechless for a minute, then finally asked, “Why?”

“’Kay, look. We’ve got to do something about Sam and Ella,” I replied, completely serious now. “Sam just almost freaking punched me ‘cause I asked him if he was okay.” A thoughtful expression crossed Dean’s face. “What is it?” I asked.

“Think I know what it is,” he replied. “You know ghosts can possess people, right?”

“Yeah, but I thought spirits were usually tied to the place of their haunting.”

“The keyword there is ‘usually.’ If there’s remains or something, the spirit can go wherever.”

“So you’ve seen this before?”

“Yeah, 'bout a year ago in Indiana. Basically the same thing as a normal haunting. Gotta burn the remains.”

“Didn’t you do that already?” I asked him.

“Yeah, we burned their bones, but we might’ve missed something. Lock of hair, some other kinda DNA. We figure out what that is, we’re set.” He shrugged as if it was no big deal, but of course it was. It could be anything.

“Okie dokie then,” I said, and he gave me a weird look. “Let’s get this over with. We’re starting to get along, and I don’t like it. The sooner we fix Sam and Ella, the sooner I get to go back to antagonizing you.”

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I said, shaking my head. “This is so stupid.” I stared out of the window of Dean’s Impala, crossing my arms across my chest in annoyance. Sam had insisted on riding with Ella, and it had pissed both Dean and me off majorly. “You really think it’s a good idea to go hunting with them like this?” I asked skeptically.

“They’d get suspicious if we didn’t,” he replied.

“I’d rather them get suspicious than get us killed,” I muttered, just loud enough for him to hear.

He smirked a little and nodded. “I know,” he said. “But if they realize what we’re doing, it’ll be a hell of a lot harder to do.”

He had a point. “True,” I agreed. “So… where are we going?”

“Nebraska,” he replied. “Vampires.” He grinned and I rolled my eyes.

I hated vampires with a passion. Well, I hated actual vampires (I loved "Dracula"—the novel, not the movie—"Underworld," "Van Helsing," et cetera). It was all because of those teen vampire novels, too. Once they came along, fan girls everywhere went crazy, and real vampires used that unhealthy obsession to broaden their covens… or quench their thirsts.

“You sure you wanna be hunting vampires with them like this?” I asked him.

“Why not?” He shrugged nonchalantly.

“Fine,” I huffed, sinking lower in my seat. “But if you get bitten, don’t come crying to me.”

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

The last thing I saw before I blacked out was Ella’s mass of strawberry blond curls disappearing out of the barn window. 'She left us!' I thought, shocked, then I lost consciousness.

When I came to, I noticed that I was no longer in the barn, and I wasn’t in our hotel room, either. I was on a bed, though, so I figured Dean had checked in to a new hotel.

I saw him sitting on the other bed, and he realized that I was awake. “You okay?” he asked me, actually sounding worried.

“Yeah, thanks,” I said, sitting up slowly. I closed my eyes at the throbbing pain in my head. “What happened?”

Dean glared down at his hands, which were clenched into fists. “Sam and Ella booked it as soon as the bloodsuckers showed,” he said, his voice thick with fury. “There were only a few—three or four, maybe—but we were still outnumbered. One came up behind you. You know the rest.”

“Are they all dead?” I asked, and he nodded. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” he said gruffly, forcing a grin, but it looked more like a grimace. “Pissed, but fine.” His hand went to his neck, on the side that I couldn’t see, and when he pulled it back, it was covered in blood.

“You’ve been bitten!” I gasped, jumping up from the bed and stumbling a little. “They didn’t—?”

“No, they didn’t turn me,” he said, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

As I stared at him, I noticed how pale he was, and that his hands were trembling. “Dean, how much blood have you lost?” I asked, sitting down beside him.

“I’ve had worse,” he said, putting his hand over the bite again. “It’s nothing.” His shaking body betrayed him, however.

“Let me see,” I said.

“I said it’s nothing, Gari!” he snapped.

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his wrist, pulling his hand away from the bite. I gasped a little at the sight of it. It wasn’t a clean bite, to say the least. As soon as the pressure from Dean’s hand had been removed, it began pouring blood as if it were fresh. “Is there a towel or something I can use to stop the bleeding?” I asked him.

He jerked his hand away from me and pulled off his shirt. 'Damn…' I thought, biting my lip and trying very hard not to stare. He was ripped, and I had to appreciate that.

“Here,” he said, thrusting the shirt into my hand and staring at me expectantly. A sly grin crossed his face as he noticed what I was looking at. “Like what you see?” he asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

That made me stop staring. I slapped his arm and said offhandedly, “I’ve seen better.” He chuckled and rolled his eyes, as if to say “Right.” I then found myself wondering if Sam was as muscular as his brother, then shook my head to clear my thoughts. 'Focus, Gari,' I reprimanded myself.

I pressed Dean’s t-shirt to his neck and told him to put a lot of pressure on it. I had to figure out what to do.

I could take him to the hospital, but they would ask questions that we could not answer. I mean, how awkward would that conversation be? “Well, hello, doctor…. Oh, this? Yeah, he was attacked by a ravenous vampire. Could you patch him up, please?” Yeah, that would end well.
'There is one other choice…. But how will he react? He might lock me up in the panic room again or shoot me or something worse…' Using my powers was basically signing my own death warrant. 'But it’s either this or a hospital, and since their angel friend isn’t around…'

“’Kay, you can take your shirt back now,” I said, finally having made up my mind.

He gave me a bewildered look and exclaimed, “What? Take me to a hospital or something!”

“I thought it was nothing,” I said mockingly, and he frowned. “Just… trust me, okay?”

Dean stared at me for a minute, then did as I said. I raised my hand and placed it over the wound, closing my eyes in concentration. “What are you—?” he began, then broke off as my powers came into effect and his skin started knitting itself back together.

After a couple of minutes, I pulled my hand away and stared at his neck, wiping the blood on my hand off on the bedspread. “There!” I said satisfactorily, smiling at my handiwork.

“’There,’ what?” he exclaimed. “What did you just do?” His hand went to his neck and he froze in shock. “What—? How—? Huh?” he stuttered. “What did you do?”

“I healed you,” I said simply, shrugging. “That should be proof enough that I’m not drinking demon blood, shouldn’t it?”

“But how?” he gaped, still feeling his neck.

Here it was again: the moment of truth. “I… have these powers,” I said hesitantly. “I’ve had them since I was nine.” I could practically see the wheels turning in his head, deciding whether I was friend or foe.

'I made a mistake,' I thought, getting anxious. 'I shouldn’t have done that; I should have taken him to the hospital or something; I could’ve dealt with the awkward questions; God, I’m so stupid and now he’s gonna fucking kill me!' I started playing with the bells on my bracelet, biting my lip nervously. He started to put his hand down and I thought, 'Oh, God, here it comes, he’s gonna shoot me!' I squeezed my eyes shut, not about to watch him pull a gun on me.

After a minute, I slowly opened my eyes and was surprised to find him just sitting there, staring at the bloody t-shirt in his hands. I kind of wanted to say something, to prompt him to make a decision, but I was worried that that would prompt him to make the wrong decision.

He looked at me for a minute and I could clearly see the conflict in his green eyes. Here we go, I thought, preparing myself for the worst.

“Thanks,” Dean said quietly, and that was it.