I'm Not Strong Enough to Stay Away

Dean and I had called a truce. After saving each other’s lives, we figured we were kind of even. Plus, we couldn’t afford to be at each other’s necks while Sam and Ella were in danger.

Anyway, the next day Sam and Ella found us. (I don’t like saying that—“Sam and Ella”—it just sounds wrong.)

Dean and I acted like nothing happened, like they hadn’t left us to die. Apparently, according to Dean, it was all part of the plan. He told me we had to catch them unaware, like when they were sleeping. We were planning on doing it that night. All we had to do was find the item on both of them and burn it. Totally simple, right?

But it’s never simple, is it?

The Winchesters had a room that was adjoined to ours. Dean and I had made sure that both of the doors connecting out rooms were unlocked so we could help each other out if it was needed. I could see the door from my position on one of the twin beds. I stared at it, waiting for Dean to open it. That was my signal.

At about 2:00 a.m., the door creaked open the slightest bit. 'Here goes, well, everything,' I thought, quietly getting out of bed. I tiptoed over to Ella’s bed and took a zip tie out of my pocket.

As I reached for her wrists, her eyes popped open, and I had a split second to notice that her previously sapphire blue eyes were now a dark chocolate brown before she attacked me.

She threw me across the room with inhuman strength and I gasped in pain as my back hit the doorknob of the adjoining door. She stood up and walked over to me, lifting me up by my neck and slamming me against it. My hands scrabbled against her fingers and I gasped for breath, kicking wildly (it was a wonder how she held me high enough off the ground).

NotElla dodged my kicks easily, and I soon lost my strength. “Not a very nice wake-up call,” she said, smirking.

“Wh-who are you?” I rasped, feeling extremely lightheaded.

“I’m your worst nightmare,” she replied.

“So… cliché,” I choked out, forcing a sarcastic grin.

“You’re going to die, Gari,” the NotElla said, her face twisting into a grin of her own. It pained me seeing that grin on her face—on Ella’s face. It should never have been there. “And so is Dean. And Carl and I will live on as Sam and Ella, and no one will ever know the difference.”

“Your husband’s name is Carl?” I said, coughing. “That’s great.” She narrowed her eyes. “Oh, and we have friends. They’ll know. They’ll come after you.”

“Silence,” the NotElla snapped, tightening her grip. “And don’t bother trying to use your powers against us. It won’t work. You’ve realized that already, haven’t you? Your powers only work on humans and demons. And we aren’t totally human. Not yet.” Damn, how did she know that? “Ella is in here with me. She’s going to watch herself kill her friends.”

“Get out of her, you bitch!” I spat, then she slammed my head against the door and knocked me out.

~Supernatural~Supernatural~Supernatural~

I woke up with a huge gasp, my hands flying up to feel my throat. I knew there would be bruises from the NotElla’s fingers, but it didn’t really bother me. I’d had worse.

I looked around at my surroundings and noticed that I was no longer in our motel room.

The room I was in now looked like something from an abandoned warehouse or a horror movie (but those two kind of go hand in hand, don’t they?). The floor was made of cement, and the walls looked like they were, too. Water was trickling down the wall beside me, forming a small pool of stagnant liquid.

I scanned the room for a way out and thought I could make out a door in the shadows across from me. I also saw something else—a man—and I gasped in shock.

“It’s about time you noticed me,” Sam—I mean, NotSam—I mean, Carl?—said, moving into the light.

I got to my feet shakily, using the wall for support. “Well, you were shrouded in shadow,” I said smartly, hating the raspy sound my voice made. “I thought Ella was supposed to kill me?”

“Nell,” Carl corrected. “Her name is Nell.”

“You guys have some lame-ass names,” I replied with a grin, but he ignored me.

“She was going to kill you—both of you—but I wanted the pleasure of killing one of you. She figured Dean would be a bigger challenge. And it’s kind of poetic, isn’t it? Being killed by your ‘significant other?’” Carl shrugged, grinning affectionately at the thought of his wife, and moved further into the light. 'Significant other?'

Something glinted in his hand, and with a deep sense of dread, I noticed that it was my dagger. 'Now that is poetic. I’m gonna be killed with my own knife. Wow.'

“So why kill us?” I asked, trying to stall. “Why not just take off?”

“And you wouldn’t come after us?” he asked skeptically.

“True,” I admitted. “We’d never stop looking for you. But you’ll still never stop being hunted. There are others who’ll wonder what happened to us.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” Carl said carelessly. He stepped closer to me and I tried to step back, only to hit the wall. “Sorry it had to come to this, Garideth.”

I laughed mirthlessly. “Yeah, right.”

“You’re right, I’m not sorry at all.”

With that, he lunged at me and I barely dodged the blade. As I did, I realized that he had a major advantage. He was so big; even thought I was tall for a girl (almost 5’11”), he still had a major height advantage on me, being in Sam’s body, who was like 6’4”. Plus, I was all shaky from being knocked out and had the worst headache imaginable. 'Oh, and he has my dagger. Can this get any worse?'

“C’mon, Sam, snap out of it!” I pleaded. “You’re stronger than this!” Carl swung at me again and I ducked just in time. I rolled out of the way and tried to make it onto my feet, but instead stumbled against a wall.

“That won’t work,” Carl said smugly. “Even coming from you.” Wait, what? He seemed to sense my confusion, for he smirked triumphantly and said, “Can’t you tell? He’s really carrying a torch for you.”

“You’re lying, trying to catch me off guard, just like a demon,” I said, despite the faint blush burning on my cheeks. Of course, I was becoming very attached to Sam, and I knew he liked me enough to make him nervous, but I didn’t know the extent of his feelings. 'And I really don’t need to be thinking about this right now!'

“I’m not; it’s the truth,” he assured me eagerly, finally having found a way to mess with me. “See, I have access to Sam’s thoughts—only his current ones at the moment, but once Nell and I kill you and Dean and perform the ritual needed to complete the change, I’ll know every thought, every emotion, every memory that has ever entered his brain.”

“That’ll never happen!” I snarled, walking to the middle of the room. I was ready to get this over with, whatever the end result might be.

“Yes, it will,” Carl said confidently. “Because the only way Dean can get close enough to Nell to find her remains is to kill Ella, and the only way you can get close enough to me is to kill poor, vulnerable Sammy here.”

'God, he’s right,' I thought dismally. 'I can’t kill Sam, even if it means Carl will kill me.'

He stepped forward and I fell automatically into a defensive stance, watching him closely for the slightest giveaway of his next move. He walked around me in a complete circle, and I rotated on the spot. “What are you waiting for?” I prompted. “C’mon!”

“I like taunting you,” he replied nonchalantly, grinning in a twisted way. “It’s amusing, seeing as you’re so very easy to upset. But you’re right, I’ve drawn this out long enough.”

Before I even had time to react, he was there, slamming me back against the wall. My head made contact with a sickening thud, and I squeezed my eyes shut against the pain.

The blade slid smoothly into my stomach and an agonized cry of “Sam!” was ripped from my throat. Thick, warm liquid ran down my hands, which were clenched around the hilt of the dagger.

The twisted grin faded from Carl’s face, and his eyes became clouded with confusion. Then I noticed that they were back to Sam’s original hazel color and wary relief surged up inside of me.

“Gari?” he asked uncertainly, then stared down at his hands, which were also wrapped around the knife. “Oh, God. What did I—?”

I coughed a little and blood splattered my lips. “Shit,” I breathed. I tried to pull the knife out of my stomach, but Sam stopped me.

“No, don’t,” he said calmly, but I could hear the panic in his deep voice. “We gotta get you outta here.” He slid his arm behind my knees and started to pick me up, but I let out an involuntary cry and he gently sat me down, then knelt down in front of me. “Shh, shh, it’s okay,” he said worriedly, seeming to be assuring himself more than me. “We’ll wait a minute, then try again, okay?”

“Are you really… you?” I asked weakly, feeling a cold sweat break out on my forehead. My hair stuck to the bit of blood on my lip and I sluggishly raised my hand to brush it away.

He beat me to it, one corner of his mouth twitching upward the slightest bit, and said, “Yeah, I am. For now.”

“Remains?” I asked. Sam pulled a necklace out of his pocket and pried it open, revealing a fingernail clipping. “Ew, really? They kept their fingernails?”

Sam chuckled a little. “D’you have a lighter?”

“Yeah,” I answered, moving my hand down to my pocket, but again, he beat me to it, his hand lightly grazing my upper thigh. My heart skipped a beat, and I couldn’t believe that he had that effect on me, even at a time like this.

He set the fingernail clipping on fire, then slipped the lighter back in my pocket. “Okay, I’m gonna try to move you again. I gotta get you to a hospital.”

“No, Sammy,” I protested, intercepting his hands as he reached to pick me up again. “Find Dean.” I noticed with a slight shock that our hands were coated in blood—my blood. “Ow,” I said, surprised.

“Yeah, right, like I’m leaving you here,” Sam said, rolling his eyes.

“No, you don’t understand! Ella—Nell—Dean!” My words started jumbling together in my haste to get them out. “Go! Now!”

“I know, Gari, I know,” he told me. “I could read his mind, too, y’know.”

“Then you know—you gotta—now!” I tried again, but he shook his head defiantly.

“I’m getting you outta here first,” he said.

“I can’t be--!” Sam slid his arms under me and lifted me off of the ground. I cried out in pain and tears streamed down my cheeks. He clenched his jaw tightly, and I tried so hard not to make a noise. I buried my face in his chest, tightening my arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “Just hold on.” He carried me outside and opened a car door, then gently placed me inside. I realized we were in Dean’s Impala and figured that Carl had stolen it. I curled up in a ball and closed my eyes tightly, steeling myself against what I was about to do. I exhaled shakily, then jerked the knife from my stomach, crying out again. Sam slid into the driver’s seat and asked sternly, “Why the hell’d you do that?”

“Don’t… don’t want a knife jutting outta my stomach. It’s uncomfortable.” I managed a small smile and wrapped my arms around myself.

“Hold on, okay? There’s a hospital not far from here.” He glanced over at me, then cranked up the car and slammed his foot on the gas.

“Dean’s gonna kill me for getting blood in his car,” I groaned.

“I stabbed you not ten minutes ago and you’re worried about that?” he asked disbelievingly.

“We… we called a truce,” I replied. “Don’t wanna ruin it. And hey, you didn’t stab me.”

“Yes, I did,” he said, and I frowned at the huge amount of guilt in his voice.

“No,” I said fiercely, breaking into a small coughing fit and briefly closing my eyes again. “You didn’t. Carl did. Your body, maybe… but not you.”

He nodded hesitantly, then said, “He said you couldn’t heal yourself. What did he mean?”

“Well, since I’m dying…” I said, instantly regretting it as I saw his horrified expression. “I mean, since Dean will tell you anyway… I’ve got these powers.” I paused for a second to catch my breath. God, I was so exhausted, and feeling weaker by the minute. “It’s how I kill demons with my mind. I can heal people, too—among other things, including accidentally affecting the weather—and you, being the genius you are, have probably figured all of that out—” he nodded once “—but none of my freaky powers work on me.”

“That kinda sucks,” Sam said, and I laughed, only to start coughing again. More blood landed on my lips and I frowned deeply. He reached over to me, then dropped his hand helplessly. When I glanced up at him, he gave me those pathetic puppy dog eyes that I loved so much, and I couldn’t help but to smile. “What?” he asked. “Why are you smiling?”

“No reason,” I said, still smiling, then I became thoughtful. “Hey, Sammy?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you… y’know… snap out of it?”

He ran a hand through his shaggy hair, looking kind of uncomfortable, and said, “Carl let slip that strong emotions make it hard for him to keep control. So once I realized—“ He broke off and glanced at me again, guilt still filling his beautiful eyes. “Well, I gained control.”

“Oh,” I said simply. Suddenly, the pain got worse. I choked out a sob and curled up even tighter, squeezing my eyes shut for what felt like the millionth time.

“Gari?” Sam asked worriedly. “Hold on; we’re almost there! Stay with me!”

“What about your angel friend?” I said through gritted teeth. “Can’t he heal me?”

He sighed deeply. “He’s cut off from Heaven. After he rebelled for us, he lost most of his powers. He can still teleport—for now, anyway. It’s kinda inconvenient.”

“Understatement,” I coughed, and he forced a grin. I fell silent, breathing deeply and focusing on anything but the pain. 'It’d be so easy to give in,' I thought wistfully. 'All the pain would go away...' My breathing slowed down and I started to give in to the darkness threatening to overcome me.

“Gari, open your eyes!” Sam commanded, shaking me roughly.

I grimaced and snapped—more like croaked—“Can’t you just let me die in peace?”

My attempt at humor failed miserably and Sam shook me until I did as he said. He stopped the car and turned it off. “We’re here; just hold on.”

“Stop saying that…” He got out and came around to my side, then opened the door and lifted me up and out of the car. I bit my lip to stop from crying out again and immediately started coughing, getting blood all over his shirt. “…Sorry…” I muttered.

He ignored me and walked quickly toward the hospital doors, yelling out, “Hey! I need help!”

About five doctors rushed up to us, all asking frantically, “What happened?”

“Mugging,” Sam lied smoothly. “She got stabbed, and she’s lost a lot of blood.”

“How long ago did it happen?” one doctor asked.

“Thirty minutes, maybe. I think he stabbed a vital organ or something, I dunno.” A nurse rolled up a gurney and one of the doctors tried to take me from Sam. I tightened my grip around his neck, not about to let them separate us. “No,” he said, sounding panicked. “I’ll carry her.”

“What’s your relation?”

“She’s my girlfriend,” Sam said automatically. “I can’t leave her.” He was doing a very good job of acting like a distraught boyfriend, and I made a mental note to commend him on his acting skills if I lived through this.

“Alright, follow me,” the same doctor said. He led us to an empty room and said, “Put her down right here.” Sam laid me down on the hospital bed and I reluctantly released him. “I’ll be right back,” the doctor said. “You’re welcome to stay for the moment.” He left the room, letting the door slam behind him.

“’Kay… I’m in good hands,” I said weakly. “Now, go find Dean and Ella. You’ve gotta… you’ve gotta make sure they’re okay.” I coughed roughly and curled up into a ball on the hospital bed. Sam’s brow furrowed and he took my hand, squeezing it tightly. I smiled slightly at him, though I figured it looked kind of creepy with my bloody mouth. “…Nice acting, by the way.”

“I’m not leaving you, Gari,” Sam said, as if my request was the most ridiculous thing in the world. “And who said I was acting?”

I chose to ignore that comment, and how my heart leaped when he said it.

“Sam Winchester,” I said forcefully, thankfully keeping my voice steady and not breaking into a coughing fit, “I promise you, if Dean and Ella die because of this, I will haunt your stupid ass for eternity, and every time you get rid of me, I’ll find another way back!” And there came the coughing fit, and it was even worse than the others.

He stared at me in shock and concern for a minute, and all I could think was, 'He’s wasting time!'

“Are you sure, Gari?” he said finally, glancing at the door. He kept saying my name, and it was distracting me. I loved how he said my name. 'No! No time for that kind of thinking! Make him leave!'

“Of course I’m sure!” I rasped. “This… this is what I’ve been telling you to do since, well…. For a nerd, you can be such a dumbass!”

He actually grinned at that, and I felt a small smile form on my lips as well. “They’ll take care of you,” he assured me. “You’ll be fine. After I find Dean and Ella, we’ll come back for you, okay?”

“Just go, Sam!” I ordered, though not as forcefully as I’d hoped. My voice was fading even more now, and I was starting to see little black spots everywhere.

“Alright, alright,” he said, starting toward the door. He hesitated for a minute, then turned back to me.

“What are you—?” I began, but he interrupted me, briefly pressing his lips to mine. I was stunned, too stunned to react, and then it was over.

He gave me a genuine smile, said “See you soon,” then ran out of the hospital room.

My heart fluttered wildly, and I just had time to think, 'Didn’t know my heart had that much strength left in it,' before I finally sank into a blissfully peaceful oblivion.