She Will Be Loved

I woke up late today. According to the clock on my iPod, it was 12:03. I went into the gas station that I slept behind the night before with my bag(like always) and into the bathroom to examine myself. I scanned over my face and my body in the mirror. My hair was knotted, my teeth plaque infested, and my clothes started to look dirty and smell even worse. I grabbed a red tee-shirt out of my bag, a pair of shorts, my toothbrush, and my hair brush. I decided to keep on my converse.
It took some effort to get all the knots out of my hair, which was the first thing I attempted. I pulled on my red tee-shirt and it was a little baggie, so using engineuity I tightened it with a ponytail that was around my wrist. I pulled on my shorts as well and brushed my teeth. I packed my other clothes in my bag and I stuffed the hair brush and my toothbrush in there with it. Walking past the isles, I stopped to debate getting a cup of coffee. A guy about my age was stocking the shelves next to me. He kept looking over at me. He looked at me up and down, it felt like he was watching me. I caught him looking at me three times. He was looking at me like I was an alien. Like I could never add up to what he was. Of course it could just be my paranoia, but after the third time I just speed-walked out of there. Time to get going. Maybe today I’ll be able to get out of town. I’d love that.
I pulled out another granola bar from my bag. I just sat down on a bench outside of a café. I saw a payphone, and thought about calling Allison. My mind debated, she wouldn’t be happy to hear from me. She wouldn’t be happy at all. Honestly, I’m not sure why I considered it, so I decided against it, and ate my granola bar slowly while watching people came and went. I don’t know why I didn’t take a bus, it’s just… I don’t want to. I sat there for a while wondering if I’d make it. Then I told myself that I had to. I got the desire to walk again, and so began the rest of my day.
Someone asked me what my name was, I ignored them and kept walking. They caught up to me and asked me if I needed any prayer. I didn’t say anything. I just looked at her, and she nodded and walked away. It was… odd.
I’m currently outside another gas station, laying in another nest. I am tired… and surprisingly, garbage is pretty comfortable after so long on foot. All day today it felt like people were watching me. It’s like they all saw me as someone I wasn’t. I thought of all those people who came into my room. Who came into my life. I didn’t want them in there, I still don’t! It hurt to think about but I couldn’t stop… so I put my head in my hands and to no surprise I felt tears falling. I didn’t care if my cover up came off, it’s not like anyone would see me. I sobbed, I mourned, I wished! I want things to go back to the way they were before my dad left, before my mom didn’t care, before she made those sick people go into my room.
GO AWAY!!! I want to scream at the thoughts, but you can’t really change the volume inside of your head… I’m tired, so I lay down still crying. I’m falling asleep, half paralyzed practically. I hear footsteps coming from the entrance of the gas station and toward me. I ignore it. Then I hear them mumbling something, I don’t listen well, but it sounded like they were talking to me. Again I ignored it, afraid and, still sobbing, I tried to force my eyes open. Everything was blurry. They mumbled again, and I didn’t answer back, still paralyzed mentally.
That’s when I became absolutely horrified. This person picked me up and I was wriggling and kicking. They simply kept walking. I couldn’t scream or do anything cause my throat was dry and my nose was stuffy from crying. Then I was on something soft. I still couldn’t see well and it frustrated me. I gave up, if I was going to go, at least I’ll be out of my misery. I drifted off into my own world then. Everything disappearing…
Mommy? What are you doing?? Wait… no! Don’t leave! Mommy! Don’t go away!! Get me out!! No… get… get out! Leave me alone! I don’t know you! AHH! Mommy!!! Daddy!! HELP ME!! I sobbed. “Get over here you little brat. I’ll show you punishment.” NOO!! I screamed again. Daddy where are you!?? MOMMY HELP ME!!! HE’S HURTING ME!!!!!!!
My eyes flew open. I sat up immediately in a bed. Looking around, I felt confused. Then I remembered last night.
“Shit.” Was all I said.