I Love It When We Touch

I walk up the wispy, grey front path of the Way household, thinking. Deeply. I only notice I’ve reached the front door when I run into it. I take a small step back, spending the time to examine the garden of dead rose bushes that line the front of the house before knocking on the door.

It takes a few moments for Mikey to open up. When he sees me he says, “Oh, hi Frank.”

“Hey, Mikey,” I greet him, coming fully into the house. I toe off my shoes and leave them in the foyer before following Mikey into the living room. He plops down on the couch; lanky limbs sprawled out as he looks up at me, expectant.

“What’s up?” he asks.

I slip into the armchair across from him and answer: “Well… something really strange happened to me today.”

He raises a dark eyebrow, looking curious. “Oh, really. What was it?”

I take in a breath.

“I was in English class today and right in the middle of a dictation my… my…” I pause and Mikey gives me an inquisitive look.

“Spit it out, man!”

“Well, what does it mean when your… thing … goes up … it gets all … hard and … weird.”

Mikey’s face scrunches up the way it always does when he’s extremely confused. “What the hell are you talking about?”

I take another breath.

“Like when your penis… stands up.”

Mikey gazes at me for a long, tense moment, looking unimpressed. He lets out a puff of air, “Good one, Frank. Now seriously, what happened today?”

“I am being serious,” I whisper, feeling my cheeks grow a little warmer.

The words seem to float around in the air as we both fall into another heavy silence. But this time it lasts for much longer. Mikey’s features switch from confusion to realization to horror all within the span of five seconds.

“Ohmygod! You don’t know what a boner is?”

A split second later, Mikey’s older brother, Gerard, enters the room. His hazel eyes flick from his sibling to me and back again.

“What’s goin’ on?” the older boy asks, brows furrowed.

"Frank doesn't know what a hard-on is!" Mikey exclaims.

Gerard frowns and turns to face me, “You don't know what a hard-on is?"

"What's a hard-on?"

Suddenly, Mikey bursts out in a fit of laughter, and I swear my face is on fire by now. Gerard’s mouth twitches and I can tell he’s trying to hold back. But why should he? It’s obvious there’s some HUGE piece of information that I’m missing here. Why not laugh at me for being so dangerously out of the loop?

“Nevermind,” I say hurriedly, trying to back-pedal, “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No.” Gerard says abrutly, actually looking serious, “If you don’t know about that kind of stuff, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask about it. I mean, we are your friends. You should be comfortable with us. Mikey’s just being a dick.”

At that, Mikey laughs even harder, clutching his sides for support. He somehow manages to squeak out a sentence between giggles: “How do you... not know what that is… did you not pay attention... in Health Class?”

I frown and shrug my shoulders, sinking further into the cushions of the plush armchair, wishing more than anything for it to swallow me whole.

“Oh, my…” Mikey breathes, laughter finally subsiding. “That is far too much excitement for one day.” He rises to his feet, dopey grin still stuck to his face, “If I’m needed, I will be in room,” he announces dramatically, before bounding up the stair case, leaving me and Gerard behind.

“I feel so stupid,” I admit once he’s out of sight, cradling my head in my hands.

"It's okay, Frank,” I hear Gerard’s voice come from my side. “I’m sure there are lots of sixteen year old boys that don’t know what an erection is. I mean, they probably live in deprived, third-world countries with no means of becoming informed of the basic, animalistic urges that are present in most human beings… but regardless of that, I’m certain that you’re not the only one.” He places a cool hand on my shoulder and smiles gently. And for some strange reason, I find comfort in his words.

I sit up a little straighter and swallow thickly before asking: “What is a hard-on?”

“Basically, it happens when blood flows to your penis, causing it to stiffen… and get hard.”

“Yeah, I had my first one today. Why does it happen?”

“Well, when you get sexually excited, you’ll usually get a hard-on. You’re body is preparing itself for sexual intercourse.”

I squint, confused.

So Gerard elaborates: “Like when you see a girl that you really like, you might start thinking about touching her or kissing her and your body will respond to that because it wants to do those things. Touch her. Kiss her. Feel her. Everything...”

I nod trying to make sense of this new information. “Do you ever get like that?”

Gerard looks a little surprised at the question, but then he relaxes, smirking, “Well, yeah. Everyone does. Even girls… except their reactions are a little different.”

“So every time you get a hard-on, you have to have intercourse?”

“No, of course not. You can let it go away on its own, which is a lot easier said than done. Or you can… deal with it.”

“How do you deal with it?”

Gerard smiles thinly, “You touch yourself,” he whispers, leaning in a little closer, as if he's letting me in on a huge secret. I swallow audibly.

“What do you mean?”

Gerard demonstrates by letting a pale hand slip between his thighs, giving himself a light squeeze. I have to hold back a squeak.

“Down there," Gerard breathes, “You touch yourself down there.”

My eyes flick up to the older boy’s face and I nearly gasp at the sight.

Gerard’s pupils are blown, leaving only a tiny strip of hazel remaining.

His thin lips are parted slightly, allowing his quick, warm breaths to escape and filter into the air.

His usually ashen cheeks are tinged with a rosy hue - red and smooth and so unbelievably warm.

I swallow again before squeaking out, “Does it feel… good?”

“Yeah… it really does.”

. . . .

An hour later, I'm walking back home, taking much more time than necessary. After asking a few more questions, Gerard had practically leapt away from me, claiming he had some things to take care of. I wasn't sure what he was talking about but it seemed quite urgent. Especially judging from the way he was behaving before. Gosh, I can't believe I made such a fool out of myself today. I must seem like some giant, freak-of-nature. But I've honestly never paid attention to those sorts of things. Sexthings. And what he said, about wanting to touch a girl... in that way, I've just never had those kinds of feelings... about anyone. Not ever. But I need to learn more about it... I want to learn more about it. And I wouldn't mind having Gerard as my teacher.