For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror. My dark brown hair reached down mid stomach, my skin still had its olive pigment and my body was curvy. I couldn’t help but think this was the last time I’d look normal, maybe not healthy but not dying at least. I took a deep breath, grabbed my bags and met my parents in the car. The ride to the hospital was silent both my parents fighting back tears.

I was diagnosed with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia. I didn’t know what it was at first either. Basically, the cancer is a weird type of white blood cell. It floods into the blood stream and bone marrow first. Treatment was treatment. The doctors recommended an aggressive treatment to try and stop the cancer from spreading. After the first couple days of treatment I was only tired. Then came the nausea, vomiting, light sensitivity, and aches. I’d quickly become best friends with my hospital bed, a bed pan, high doses of pain killers and sleep. On the other hand, radiation, chemo and I were not a speaking term. Word around the hospital is that treatment is the worst weeks five to seven, and for me those weeks were quickly approaching, my hair was falling out more than ever, I had no color to my skin, I’m convinced my lips are permanently chapped and I lost at least twenty pounds.

I kept to myself most of the time. The only time I wasn’t alone was when I was sleeping or in the children’s ward. I missed visiting the last couple of days. To be honest I just didn’t have the drive to get up, I slept thirty hours straight. I managed to convince Cheri to let me sneak down to the ward today, she forgot to mention they had visitors.

I slowly rolled my IV down the long hallway. I lacked the strength to pick up my feet when I walked, so the rubber soles of my slippers squeaked against the linoleum. My sweats were two sizes too big by now and slid down to my low waist, my tank top slowly crept up my stomach, revealing a tiny midriff. My long hair was tied up into a loose bun, a few strands falling on either side of my face. By the time I reached the double doors I was panting and over heating. I hunched over to catch my breath when I was greeted by tiny arms around my thighs.

“Quinn! We thought you died on us. Come on! You’ve gotta see who’s in Hailey’s room, you just gotta come on!” Dani spoke so fast she didn’t even pause for a breath. I couldn’t help but laugh at her some what morbid joke about death. Her cold clammy hand wrapped around my wrist pulling me forward, she practically dragged me down the hall. When she finally stopped I leaned against the door frame to try and catch my breath once again.

“Look! Guys this is who we were telling you about” Dani quickly spoke

“Yeah, that’s Q! She’s our favorite and desperately single!” Hailey added.

I shook off the light headedness, lifted my head and was greeted by four perfect grins and a frown.

“Hey, watch it missy. I may be both of those things but you can’t just tell anyone.” Suave I know, cut me slack it’s the only whitty thing I could come up with.

“This is One Direction!” Dani and Hailey said in unison. I couldn’t help but smile at how cute they were. These girls were my inspiration. They were only four and six, both suffering from Nueroblastoma. Nueroblastoma can be found anywhere in the nervous system. It’s very common around the children’s ward unfortunately. Dani’s been here since she was barely three and Hailey since she was five. It can spread pretty fast in some cases, but no one has the heart to tell a four and six year old that.

“I thought you all looked familiar,” I said gesturing toward the many posters hanging from the walls, “I’m Quinn.” I extended my hand out to each of the guys. Louis first, he grabbed my hand tightly and gave me a sympathetic smile, Niall and Zayn who both shook my hand and kissed my cheek, Liam was next who ignored my hand and engaged me in a tight hug. I gave the curly headed boy a weak smile and reached out my hand, he looked down at it, and back at me, “Harry,” he said ignoring my handshake.

“I’m not contagious you know,” I quickly snapped at his arrogance. Louis punched his shoulder but he didn’t even bother looking up.

“It was nice to meet you Louis, Niall, Zayn, and Liam. Hal and Dan I’ll see you two tomorrow, I should really get a refill,” shaking my IV bag, trying to add humor to my embarrassing situation.

I tuned out any of their responses and slid down the hall as fast as my weak body would let me. I could tell my anxiety was yet again getting the better of me, my chest started rising up and down faster, tears filled up my eyes and my bottom lip began to quiver. Just as I was about to collapse I felt strong arms wrap around weak frame. They slightly lifted me and hurried us both to a wheel chair and knelt down in front of me. I was immediately happy with who was in front of me. Liam’s face was apologetic and that’s all I needed. We didn’t speak while he pushed me down the rest of the hallway, in the elevator, down the other hallway to my room. He swiftly picked me up, placed me in my bed and covered me up.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“Don’t mention it love. And about Harry, he means well, he’s just got a funny way of showing it.” His tone was quiet and comforting. “You’re so strong.” He kissed the top of my head. This was the most human contact I’ve had since I checked in, not including my parents, Hailey and Dani, doctors or nurses. I guess I really was desperate.
Liam sat next to me talking for an hour. We talked about his band, music, his girlfriend, and normal things we both missed being able to do.
A knock came from my door and wiped the smile right off my face. His green eyes couldn’t even look at me, and his hand awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Can you give us a sec Liam?” he said staring at the floor.

Liam hugged me tightly and whispered into my ear, “cut him some slack.”

I laughed lightly and started to play with the hem of my blanket. We didn’t say anything for a bit, I could feel him walking closer to my bed. He placed his hand over the top of mine, it was hot and shaky and in all honesty I didn’t mind the slightest.

“You’re beautiful,” he said softly.

My cheeks turned hot and pink at just the sound of his voice. I shook my head in disbelief and pulled my hand away from his.

He grabbed my fingers tightly, “earlier, I was an ass. I don’t even know you but when I saw you I wanted to know you. It killed me to see how much pain you were in. I was
scared; I didn’t know what to do.”

“I don’t need any ones sympathy Harry, especially not from an arrogant ass like you.”

“Please, let me make it up to you. And you’re right I am a massive ass and...”

Black, everything after that is a blur. I could hear the nurses yelling for doctors, the beep on the machine getting faster, and the last thing I remember is feeling my hand slowly slip from Harry’s grip.