For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

I woke up the next morning with the sun pouring in through the windows. My mind instantly filled with memories from last night. I pressed my face against the feathered filled pillow and let out a muffled shriek. Being eighteen and a virgin was something that's bothered me, but only considering my situation. There were lists of things that I would never get to do because of the cancer and who wants to die a virgin? But now I can cross that off my list along with falling in love. It seems so ridiculous to think about at such a young age, no one thinks you ever know what love really is or what it feels like but I do and I hope Harry does too.

I finally realized that Harry’s body wasn’t pressed up against mine, arms wrapped around me tightly and breathing in sync. I rolled over to find only the imprint of his tiny frame. On the pillow next to me lied a note and a long stem red rose. I sat up in the bed pulling the comforter tightly over my bare body, reaching for the rose and taking in it’s aroma. I gently placed the rose on my lap as I picked up the note. On the expensive hotel paper was Harry’s quick penmanship.

“You looked so beautiful this morning, I just couldn’t wake you. Don’t be mad I left; follow the rose pedals for a surprise. –Harry xoxo”

I jumped out of the bed searching for my clothes. I grabbed my panties, quickly stepping into them and slipping on Harry’s button up from the night before. I followed the red rose pedals to the door leading to the adjoining living area we shared with the guys. I was greeted by a shirtless and pantless Harry, dancing to the beat of the radio and hovering over the counter. I held back my laugh as I snuck up behind him. During my way towards Harry I noticed a vase full of two dozen red and white roses on the table. The table was set for two; orange juice, plates of fresh fruit, bacon and the newspaper. I wrapped my arms around his naked frame and placed my head on the crook of his neck.

“Harry Styles making me breakfast in his boxers while dancing to ‘I’m Sexy and I Know It?’ I could get used to this.” I said while kissing his check lightly.

Harry turned himself around, engulfing me in a hug. “I see you got my note.” Placing a kiss on my forehead and guiding me to the set table. He pulled out the chair as I sat down, making his way back to the counter.

“Normally I’d cook for you, but since we’re in a hotel room service will have to do this time. I got chocolate chip pancakes too, but I added my own touch” He said placing the heart shaped pancakes he cut in front on me.

My face lit up at all his kind gestures. “You didn’t have to do all this you know.”

“But I did.” He said with a smile. “The white roses are an apology for the fight last night. The breakfast is for being perfect and the red roses are a thank you for last night.” He winked while shoving bacon in his mouth.

We both sat there eating, smiling and laughing at nothing. Once I finished I slid the plate to the side of the table and pushed myself off the chair leaning in and kissing Harry’s lips lightly. “Thank you. For everything.” I sat back down.

The door slammed open and in walked Louis and Zayn. “Oi! You get food and don’t even ask us mate?” Louis yelled.

“You lot were still sleeping” Harry said defensively.

“Something kept us up late last night.” Zayn said playful punching my shoulder. I quickly returned the punch. Zayn and I went back and forth while Harry and Louis joked around. Niall and Liam walked in all groggy and squinty.

“Hush up will you. It’s still early.” Niall’s voice was all raspy.

Liam lightly squeezed my shoulder before sitting next to me and stealing my orange juice. Niall didn’t waste anymore time and was on the phone ordering more room service and taking orders. I played with my flowers as I tuned out what was going on around me. Liam leaned in closer.

“How you feeling Q?” He looked concerned.

I gave him a light smile. “I haven’t thrown up since. So I guess I’ll see if I can keep all this down” motioning towards my empty plate. “I know I should go see the doctor, I just don’t want them to say it Liam…” My voice got quiet.

“But you don’t want to get worse Quinn…” Liam's words were interrupted when Louis turned on TMZ.

“There’s a British invasion with hot new body band, One Direction, in New York this week. Yesterday an anonymous source snapped this picture of Harry Styles. Some fashion statement his leading lady is making…..Can we even confirm this is a lady?” It was the picture of Harry and I kissing. My legs locked around his waist and his large hand covering my face.

I could feel all the guys staring at me waiting for a reaction, but I wasn’t going to give them one. I flashed a fake smile and got up from the table. “I’m going to go shower. Can’t waste the day away!” Lies.

I scurried into the room and right towards the bathroom. I slammed the door, locked it, and started the water right away. I turned on the radio in the corner of the bathroom. Any noise I could make, I would make it, I didn’t want any of the guys to hear me. Being bald was still something I was insecure about. I knew things were going to get rough with all the negative feedback from the media but I guess I just didn’t prepare myself. I shed my clothing and studied my frail body in the mirror. I turned constantly, looking at myself in every angle. No matter how much I would turn, I couldn’t find spot where I was okay with my appearance. My skin was pasty and blotchy. My collarbone and ribs poked out my skin. Dark circles and bags were a daily occurrence. My right inner elbow was covered in purple, black, blue and yellow bruises from my picklines. The gap between my thighs seemed to grow farther and farther apart. And the worst part, my bare head. A five o’clock shadow started on the top of my head where my hair used to be. The scar from falling down the stairs was still visible but faded. I stepped into the shower and let the hot water beat against my aching body. My back found the wall of the shower as I slowly slid down curling up in a ball crying while I waited for water to wash away my imperfections.