For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

When the guys got back from their interview we wasted no time getting on the tour buses and taking route to Philadelphia.
All the guys ran straight for their bunks, Harry and I following suit to his. He lied on his back, one hand tucked up his head the other wrapped tightly around my body; where his fingers made their way to the small of my back. Instinctively, I tangled our legs together and pulled at his collarbone.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I whispered.

“I guess I wanted to surprise you. I’m tired of hiding you from the other half of my life. I’m so proud to call you my girlfriend, it’s about time people know it.”

I clung to his body tighter. “Thank you.” I whispered.

I could feel Harry’s breathing get heavier. An occasionally snore sneaking out his mouth. I lied awake for most of the ride, trying my best not to cry all over Harry.

The more invested we got into this relationship the more this would hurt Harry once I passed. The guilt hit me hard. Harry is the kindest, caring, selfless person I’ve met and here I am taking this all away from him. Everyday I spend with Harry is a reminder of why I’m fighting. Dying isn’t an option anymore, at least not yet.
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It’d been more then two weeks since my test and I spent every hour of the day near a phone. When I wasn’t waiting by a phone I regrettably looked to see how people were responding to the news.

I knew there would be some harsh things online, but that didn’t stop my curiosity. I wasn’t sure what exactly I was looking for. I scrolled through comments, always stopping longer on the bad ones.

“This is the only 1D relationship I’m okay with because it has an expiration date. She’ll die in the next couple of months!”

That one stuck in my head for a while.

“I know she has cancer, but I don’t think she’s pretty enough for Harry. I mean look at those bags under her eyes and she’s like really skinny too. Harry shouldn’t be sending this message to the fans.”

I felt bad about that comment, not the fact that I wasn’t pretty enough for Harry but me being too skinny. I had always been a curvier girl, the only reason I was like this was the Leukemia. I didn’t want girls thinking that I was okay with this…
I lost track of time rummaging through comments when the phone rang. I threw myself across the bed, grabbing my phone.

“Hello?!” I accidently yelled.

“Quinn? It’s Dr. Anderson.” She sounded surprised.

“Yeah, it’s me. Hi- I’ve been waiting to hear from you.”

“Yes I apologize for that. You sound good though” she carried on.

“Thanks. So- uh- the results?” the anticipation killing me.

“Ah, yes. Well I’ve been consulting with some other doctors. Although your cell count hasn’t gone down they still think we should continue treatment, your body could respond better now.”

My heart, stomach dropped in sync with my body. My knees gave out leaving me to fall hard on the floor. Another dead end, my mind traveled. What was I doing wrong?

“Quinn? You there love?” her voice pulling me back to reality.

“I’m here.” I said blankly.

“So we should plan you coming back to London soon then. We can start treatment immediately.”

“I’m not doing it.” I snapped.

“Excuse me?” she questioned.

“I’m not coming back. Treatment didn’t work the first time, it’s not going to work now.”

“Quinn, I really don’t think that’s true. You should think about this…”

I cut her off. “I have thought about this. I’m not leaving.” I said sternly.

“You know what’s at risk Quinn. You should really think about this.” She suggested.

“I don’t need to.”

“I’ll call you in two days. Please think about this.” The line went dead.

I clutched my phone hard in my hand before chucking it at the wall, the glass from my iphone shattering all over the floor. I was devastated, but no tears would come out. I made my way to the bed and crawled up in a tiny ball, trying to cry myself to sleep.
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Half asleep I could feel Harry’s sweaty body slid in next to me. I must have slept for at least six hours and my body still begged more.

“Hi baby” I mumbled into the pillow.

“I missed you so much,” his voice was raspy from singing all night. “How was your night love?”

I groaned at the thought of arguing with Harry about treatment, but I had to tell him. I flipped my body over facing his tired eyes. My fingers twirled his curls loosely. “I heard from the doctor.”

His body stiffened and his eyes grew wider. “What’d she say?”

A looked of disappointment grew across my face as I looked Harry in the eyes. I didn’t need to say anything, he knew.

“I’m so sorry.” He pulled me closer.

“She wants me to go back to London for more treatment. I told her no.”

He pushed away and giving me a heart wrenching look. I buried my face in his chest to avoid confrontation. Harry’s hand rubbed my should to the beat he started humming. Within minutes we were both fast asleep.

--

I woke up rather surprised not to find Harry in bed with me the next morning because the guys had the day off. I dragged myself out of bed and into the adjoining room. It was only eight, so it wasn’t weird when I didn’t find any of the other boys awake yet. Harry sat at the kitchen table, laptop open, iphone in hand, and the hotel phone resting in crook of his neck. His hair was hidden by a gray beanie, and his torso completely exposed.

As a approached him a large genuine smile grew across his face as he quickly ended the conversation. He motioned me to sit down, before hanging up the phone.

“I’ve got great news love.” He was practically glowing.

“What is it Harry?” I lightly giggled.

“Well I’m still working out some details. But I know how stubborn you are…” he paused. “So I made some calls and pulled some strings.”

“Spit it out will you babe” I joked.
He slid off his chair and sat on his knees in front of my crossed legs. He reached for my hands which I gladly accepted. “You don’t have to leave for treatment. I mean you’ll just have to miss some shows, but that’s okay! I talked to Dr. Anderson and she said we can do treatment like two or three times a week, in whatever state we’re in. I sent her the dates and places and she’s going to make calls and make sure they know everything. This way you don’t have to leave, but you can still get better.”

My eyes welled up with tears. I grabbed Harry’s face and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

“You’re too good to me.” I whispered.

Our foreheads pressed together lightly. Harry shook his head. “Don’t say that. I’ll do anything to get you better.” He said.

I hugged him tightly, making up for my lack of words. Harry was without a doubt the best thing that could ever happen to me, it was time Harry knew that.