For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

Harry and I stumbled back into the hotel around seven. I shuffled towards the bed and shimmied out of my leggings and into the warm blankets. Harry’s warm body pressed against my back, his face burying deeper into the crook of my neck. We spent the rest of the day lying around in bed. We slept in late, ate in bed, cuddled, kissed, talked and the guys even watched movies with us. Lazy days with Harry were by far my favorite. Days like these most people took for granted which made them so much more special to me.

The next day the guys had sound check while I went in for a session. My stomach always dropped when I walked into a hospital. No matter the hospital they all smelled the same, which always added to my nausea. The receptionist knew who I was before I even told her, Dr Anderson must of sent over very detailed instructions. She insisted that she push my to the treatment center in a wheelchair. I didn’t have much strength to fight her. When I got there the room was cozier than I was used to. About seven different people were sitting in large brown leather recliners, all hooked up to IVs.

A man approached us far too perky for my liking. He was rather nice looking for a doctor. He had a full head of blonde hair, tan skin and white teeth. He extended his hand to me.

“You must be Quinn. I’ve been waiting to meet you. I’m Dr. Phillips, you can call me Thomas if you’d like.” He said flashing his pearly whites.

I reached out my shaky hand and linked my fingers around his rough palms. “Hi.”

“Thank you Linda. I’ll take it from here.” He dismissed the receptionist. He pushed my wheel chair towards an empty recliner and offered to help me to the seat. I graciously denied his help and made my way to the chair, sitting down heavily. He walked towards a tray and rolled it next to us. I watched him carefully as he prepared my treatment. I knew this procedure better then I should, it was a force of habit to make sure they were doing it right.

“Okay all set. Just yell if you need anything.” he smiled.

I threw my head back and closed my eyes, taking in the medicine. “Thank you.” I mumbled under my breath.

Sleeping during the session was not an option. I couldn’t shake the burning sensation running through my body, the nausea building up in the pit of my stomach, or the pulsating ache in my head. I just tried to sit there and ignore everything.

“You’re too young to be here.” Said a frail voice.

I opened my eyes too see an adorable old man sitting next to me. His skin was pale and wrinkled. He had the biggest smile I had ever seen plastered on his face. He wore glasses that took up most of his face and looked almost an inch thick. I immediately smiled at his appearance, giving him a light chuckle.

“How old are you dear?” he continued the conversation.

“Eighteen.” I replied.

“Oh, I remember those days. Ellie and I had just gotten married when we were eighteen.” His face was lighting up.

I smiled at his response. “I’m Quinn.” I introduced myself.

“Carl.” He said, shaking my hand gently.

“Could I ask a favor Carl?” I said lightly.

“Of course sweetheart. What is it?” he questioned

“Would you mind telling me a story? Maybe about you and Ellie?”

His face light up again as he smiled widely. Sitting straight up in his chair he said. “I’d love to.”

I pulled my knees to my chest and shifted towards Carl. I took in every story he was willing to share with me. He talked so highly of this woman. He told me the slightest details he remembered, things I wouldn’t even know about myself. Where they met, how they fell in love, their wedding, everything they experienced together, their children and when she passed. He had me in tears in no time. Everything about Carl and Ellie’s relationship was a breath of fresh air for me. My mind instinctively thought of Harry the whole time. I pictured what it would be like if we got married, had kids, and just had the opportunity to grow old together.

Ellie died of breast cancer twelve years ago. Even though she’d been gone for so long he said he never remarried. “Don’t you get lonely?” I asked.

“I’m still as in love with Ellie as I was the day I met her. We’ve been together for 62 years this December. Sure there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t miss her, but I don’t regret anything. Being with someone else just wouldn’t live up to my sweet El.”

Oh boy, here comes the waterworks. Carl’s story changed everything for me. He didn’t give me direct advice and I didn’t even tell him about Harry but it was all the reassurance I needed. I didn’t feel guilty for loving Harry even though I might die. I wanted nothing more then to have what Carl had with Ellie.

“Well, looks like I ran out already,” he gestured at his IV. “When do you come in again?” he asked me.

“Two days” I responded.

“I’ll see you then” he grabbed my hand and placed a light kiss on the top. “Then you can tell me about this boy you’re crazy about.”

I laughed and gave him a confused look. I never mentioned anything about Harry? Before I could ask him, he grabbed his bowler hat and placed it on top of his bald head, shuffling out of the room.

For the first time ever I was looking forward to treatment.

----

I barely made it to inside the hotel before I started throwing up. My insides were on fire but my outsides were freezing. I wrapped myself in the hotel comforter sitting in front of the toilet. The blanket was full of sweat, but I was shivering. My lips were purple, body shaking, and teeth clanking. After awhile I started throwing up what looked like water, I had nothing else in my system but I couldn’t stop. I managed to take my temperature, 101.9. My head was pounding. The room started to spin and close into tunnel vision. I pushed my eyes open, blinking repeatedly to clear my view. I started army crawling towards the bed, gathering the trash can on my way. I struggled to make my way up the bed, falling asleep before my head hit the pillow. Looks like I was going to miss another show.