For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

I woke up rather confused. I lied on my back staring at the same starch white ceiling breathing in unison with the oxygen tubes. My right arm tensed up as I tried to bend it. I reached for the foreign pick line in my arm.

“Hey, no no no. It’s okay love that’s just your new meds.” His British accent made my heart race. I peeled open my heavy eyes only to confirm his wonderful figure at my side. The memories came flooding in.

“I’ll get the nurse,” he ran out of the room and was back within seconds accompanied by nurse Cheri.

“Oh darling, I’m so glad you’re up! I thought you were going to sleep forever! And this lovely man was sure looking lonely,” she gave me a wink and a smile revealing a smudge of red lipstick on her teeth.

“You passed out earlier because you haven’t been eating or hydrating again.” She quickly gave me a stern look and I couldn’t help but sheepishly look away.

“You’re gonna be on extra fluids for a while but you better eat or I’m gonna have to feed you through a needle!” by the time she finished her sentence she was half way down the hall. My cheeks were hot as I felt Harry’s eyes on me.

“How long have you been waiting?” I asked quietly.

“Three hours. The guys stayed for an hour, Liam for two.”

“Look, you didn’t have to. Why ever you’re here, it’s sweet but you can go.”

“What if I don’t want to?” he voice was huskier than ever. I searched for something to say but the words just didn’t come out. “And plus who’s gonna make sure you eat.”

“I don’t need…” before I could finish Barry walked in with two trays of food.

“What a great idea son” he said placing a firm hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You’ve been good to our girl so I snuck you up at plate as well.”

I couldn’t help but smile at Barry’s actions. This place really did become another family. I slowly raised the automatic hospital bed to an upright position and crossed my legs Indian style, making room for Harry at the foot end. We sat there eating the generic hospital food. Sometimes we’d awkwardly find each other staring, making us both blush.

After we ate we eventually got comfortable conversing about everything. I gave him a pillow he placed behind his back. We both extended our legs on opposing sides of each other, slowly inching closer and closer to each other. We talked about anything. He trusted me with everything and I more than obliged to listen. I told him whatever he wanted to know about myself and was relieved we’d gone through hours of talking without bringing up my cancer. Well so I thought….

“Quinn,” Harry’s face turned serious at this point. I knew what he was about to ask.

“I knew it was coming” I said with a weak smile.

“We don’t have to talk about it. I just…”

I cut him off. “It’s fine. It’s Leukemia. You’re actually the first person who didn’t know right away. Sometimes I feel like I’m walking around with ‘I have Leukemia’ plastered on my forehead.”

Harry’s eyes were sincere. He placed his hand on my calf and traced circles while we sat in silence. There was a blanket between my skin and his but the contact made my stomach drop

“Q, I’m really…” he finally spoke.

“Please Harry. Don’t apologize. This has nothing to do with you.” I hated when people apologized. What was I supposed to say in return? ‘It’s okay?’ I wasn’t going to because it wasn’t okay. I couldn’t say I’m used to it because I’m not. It’s not something you just get used to.

He’d stop tracing circles and started rubbing my ankle. I subconsciously began to chew on my bottom lip. We’d just met, he had made a lousy first impression but yet everything about him left me wanting more.

We continued talking until visiting times were over. He slowly slid off the bed and stood at my side. His tongue grazed the corners of his mouth.

“I’d ask for your number but you can’t use cell phones in hospitals still right? Well anyways I got your room number from Cheri if you don’t mind. And well I wanna come back and see you. Tomorrow” I could tell he was nervous by his babbling.

He gently placed a kiss on my forehead and began to turn around. “I won’t take no for an answer love. Get your rest.” With that he was gone.

That night was the first time I had fallen asleep with a smile on my face.

Not only did I fall asleep with a smile on my face but I woke up with one. I could see the sun shining through the blinds. I pulled back the covers and slowly lowering my feet to the ground. My socks had fallen of in my sleep so the floor was cold against my bare toes. I lightly tip toed over to the window and opened the curtains, revealing a beautiful day. I smiled and stretched my arms over my head. That’s when I remembered how long it’s been since I’d had the strength to shower. I made my way to the side of the bed and pressed the button for assistance. Sue made her way into my room and was more than surprised to see me staring out the window.

“Well hello there dear! You’re looking great.” Her voice was enthusiastic.

“I feel good. I think I’m going to try and shower.” She nodded in acceptance and unhooked both of my IVs and covered the pick lines then left me alone to shower.

I reached in and turned the water on. While I waited for the water to get hot I removed my clothing. I stood there in front of a mirror for the first time in two weeks. I almost looked unrecognizable. I’d lost all my curves, except my chest of course which wasn’t going anywhere. Dark bags started to form under my droopy eyes and my skin was on the verge of being albino.

The steamy water did wonders for my aches and sinuses. Spending time in the shower daily was definitely something I missed, embarrassingly I did my best thinking there. I couldn’t help but think of Harry, remembering his promise of visiting today, which was more than enough of a reason to cut my shower short. As I turned the water off and stepped out I noticed the amount of hair that was caught in the drain. I knew what that meant and I dreaded the thought.

I wrapped a towel around my head and body. I mentally cursed myself for not bringing in a change of clothes into the bathroom. As I dried off the chorus of an Ed Sheeran song crept into my mind and regrettably I began to sing aloud.

“I'm out of touch, I'm out of love
I'll pick you up when you're getting down
and out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now
I'm out of sight, I'm out of mind
I'll do it all for you in time
And out of all these things I've done
I think I love you better now”

During my little performance I had made my way to the door and unlocked it. I turned the handle and walked out in just a towel. I jumped as I made eye contact with five cheeky boys.
“Well this is embarrassing,” I stopped in my tracks, my face heating up.

“I was going to say a pleasant surprise” Harry said with a wink.

“I should…I’m just gonna...get dressed” I wasn’t the best with compliment or embarrassing situations for that matter.

I quickly rolled my suitcase in the bathroom and closed the door. When I was finally alone couldn’t help but smile and mentally screech. I couldn’t believe he showed up and brought the guys with.

I got dressed in about two minutes flat. I slid into yoga pants, hospital socks, and an old Tom Petty shirt I had cut into a muscle tee. The sides were cut low showing just enough of my bright blue sports bra.

“I apologize for you know the towel and everything. Oh god and especially if you heard the singing…” I let out an embarrassing laugh as I made my way to my bed.

“It was quite lovely I reckon!” Liam said.

“I hope you’re talking about her singing mate.” Niall gave Liam a playful shove, this lead to an all out war. Niall and Liam continued to viciously poke and shove eachother while Louis and Zayn fought over a chair. Harry stood in the corner throwing inanimate objects at the other boys.
I sat there genuinely laughing for the first time in weeks. The nurse had come in by this time to hook up my IVs.

She leaned in closely, “the curly headed one’s a keeper.”

I smiled and looked over at Harry. He looked better then he did yesterday, if possible. His hair was perfectly messy. He wore a white v-neck that clung to his body in all the right places, dark washed jeans cuffed at the ankles with white converse. His black blazer by now was draped over the back of the chair. I’m not sure how long I was staring at his green eyes before he finally noticed.

“How are you feeling today love?” he asked walking towards my bed.

“Better then usual,” I smiled. “Thank you guys for coming.”

“It’s not like we had much of a choice babe. Harry practically carried us out of the house.” Zayn responded. Harry’s hand quickly connected with back of Zayn’s head which made everyone laugh.

“So what exactly are you aloud to do?” Louis asked quieting down the laughter.

“What did you have in mind?” I was skeptical at this point.

“When was the last time you were outside?” Niall asked jumping on th.e foot of the bed.

“Not since the day I was admitted.” They all looked at me blankly.

“Well then it’s a good thing Cheri is letting us take you outside!” Liam said with a large grin on his face, pulling me out of bed.

Harry bent his arm invitingly and I graciously wrapped my arm around his bicep. We slowly made it outside to the courtyard. I was overwhelmed with the scenery. It’d seem like forever since I breathed in fresh air and felt the sun on my skin. Harry guided me to the bench and helped me sit down while the rest of the guys ran around to burn off some steam.
I turned and looked at Harry. He looked rather breath taking with the sun on his face. I loved the view right now and he could see it on my face. He placed his blazer around my bare shoulders and wrapped a strong arm around me. I more then willingly inched closer to him, nuzzling my head in the groove of his neck. I closed me eyes to avoid the tears.

“Harry,” I whispered “Thank you for not treating me like I’m dying.”

With that his arm wrapped tighter and he began to trace his infamous patterns on my shoulder. We sat there quite and content watching the sun set.