For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

I woke up to the beautiful sound of Harry’s humming. I rolled over tangling our limbs together.

“You’re already dressed?” I questioned Harry.

“Love its 4:30. You wouldn’t wake up so I canceled your treatment.” He said.

“Dammit!” I sat straight up only to have Harry pull me back down.

“It’s okay. Your doctor said it was fine. I just thought sleep would help you feel better.” He pouted.

Boy was I a sucker for that look. His eyes sank and his plump bottom lip quivered. I gave him an accepting kiss. “Thank you babe.” I whispered. “but aren’t you supposed to be at sound check?” I asked

“I finished up early so I could come take care of you. I was kind of hoping you could come see us tonight.” He gave me that look again.

I could feel the acid churning in my stomach at his words. I ignored all my feelings and shook my head acceptingly. “Of course I will.”

It had been a while since I saw the guys before and I wasn’t sure how much longer I had.

“Perfect. I’ll start a bath for you.” Harry said, jumping out of bed.

As soon as he disappeared I flipped over the side of the bed emptying my stomach in the trash. Harry quickly appeared next to me, consoling me through my heaving. When I was done he carried me into the bathroom and left me to indulge in my steaming bubble bath.

--

Harry’s POV

I threw myself onto the hotel mattress. I pulled out my phone a dialed Liam.

“Hey mate. How’s Quinn.” Liam answered

“She’s fine. Are the guys around, I wanted to talk to all of you.”

“Yeah you’re on speaker.” Liam said. “Everything alright?” Louis questioned.

“I don’t think she’s doing better.” I took a long pause. “I’m not sure how much longer she has guys...” I choked back the tears. “I have a favor to ask”

Quinn’s POV

After about twenty minutes I got out of my bath. My reflection in the mirror was sickening. I was barely there anymore. All my bones were visible. Dark circles under my eyes seemed to be permanent by now, my arms bruised around the entrance of my IVs, my lips were chapped and raw. I couldn’t help but notice the yellowish tint to the white of my eyes, that couldn’t be good. I couldn’t stand to take in my appearance any longer. I stepped into my maroon shorts, a grey tank, and a denim button-up on. I shuffled out of the bathroom with my white converse in hands. I plopped onto the bed next to Harry and began to lace up my shoes.

His large hands grabbed the side of my face pulling it towards him. “You look beautiful.” He said softly. I bit my lip and kissed him hard. “I love you.”
--

Harry and I showed up at the venue and I instantly found my way to the bathroom. I threw up the fruit Harry made me eat.

I stayed in the bathroom for awhile just getting lost in my thoughts. I wasn’t one to feel sorry for myself but I guess today just wasn’t my day. I could fight back the tears. I just couldn’t accept this feeling anymore. My body was consumed by a constant nauseous, aching, spinning and just miserable feeling and I just didn’t know what to do with myself.

I wiped away my tears and splashed water on my face in attempt to get rid off my puffy, red eyes.

I made my way back stage to find the guys getting ready to go on stage. They were all jumping up and down, doing pushups, laughing, chanting and doing voice warm ups. I loved seeing the guys like this. They were never happier then they were on stage. I kissed each of them on the cheek, hugged them and wished them good luck, Harry was last. Man did he look perfect.

“How did I get so lucky?” I said wrapping my arms around his neck.

“Stop it” he chuckled, his cheeks turning pink.

“You’ll be amazing, like always. Have fun and I love you” I said. Placing kisses on his cheeks, forehead, nose and lips.

---

The show was unbelievable. It was one of the biggest arenas the boys had ever played and the crowd was swooning over them. I was so proud of them. Being able to see them again was such an amazing feeling.

The guys had one more song left, ‘what makes you beautiful.’
Harry started to talk to the crowd. “We’ve got one more song for you tonight!” the crowd yelled back at him. “Since tonight is such a special night we thought we’d change it up if you don’t mind. What do you say?” the crowd roared.

“I think that’s a yes.” Niall said.

My heart jumped into my throat, Harry was walking towards me. I couldn’t process his actions fast enough; I just followed him on stage. The crowd got loud. Harry sat me on the couch next to Zayn. The song started playing, “this is for you Quinn.” Harry said into the mic.

Liam paced the stage, “Shut the door, turn the light off. I wanna be with you. I wanna feel your love. I wanna lay beside you. I cannot hide this even though I try. Heartbeats harder,
time escapes me. Trembling hands touch skin, it makes this harder.”

Harry sat on the couch next to me, taking my hand. He looked me deep into the eyes.
“And the tears stream down my face. If we could only have this life for one more day,
if we could only turn back time. You know I'll be your life, your voice, your reason to be. My love, my heart is breathing for this moment, in time, I'll find the words to say
before you leave me today.”

I was balling as soon as Harry started singing. I couldn’t process what was going on, all this seemed like a dream. Before Harry finished his part I could see the tears falling on his cheeks, which only made me cry harder. I placed both of my hands on either sides of his face and wiped the tears with my thumbs. We sat there staring at each other while the rest of the guys sang their parts.

When the next chorus rolled around Harry got off the couch and gave the audience his attention. Niall sat on the arm of the couch next to me. When I looked up I realized Harry wasn’t the only one crying. All of the guys were fighting back their tears.

The guys said thank you and took their bows. Harry walked towards me and embraced me in a tight hug. Right there on stage Harry kissed me in front of everyone. I was startled when the crowd cheered. To say I was overwhelmed was such an understatement. I didn’t know it was possible to fall even more in love with someone.

---

On my way to my session the next morning we had to pull over twice so I could throw up. I couldn’t remember the last thing I’d eaten that I managed to keep down. I was seriously considering cancelling today’s session if I wasn’t seeing Carl. I didn’t want to leave Harry’s side since last night.

I made my way to the receptionist who insisted on taking me up to treatment. Dr Phillips was waiting for me upstairs.

“Thank you Linda” he said quietly. He pushed me to the recliner and today I gladly accepted his help to sit down. He was silent as he hooked up my IVs. We sat there for a while.

“How are you doing Quinn?” he broke our silence.

“I’m hanging in there.” I shrugged.

“I’ve got something for you.” He walked to a desk.

“I’m sorry to say this but Carl passed away last night.” He paused. “But he left this for you,” handing me an envelope.

I grabbed the letter and stared at it for awhile. “Quinn” was written in a shaky penmanship, that I assumed to be Carl’s. Everything about the situation told me to be sad. Sure I didn’t know Carl for very long or very well, but his stories had really affected me. I couldn’t be sad though, Carl was finally with Ellie again and I knew that’s all he really wanted.

I ripped open the seal and opened up the letter. An old photo fell on to my lap. I studied it for a while until I realized it was Carl and Ellie. Ellie looked gorgeous. She was staring deep into the camera with a huge smile on her face. Carl had his arm around her waist and looking at her instead of the camera. He looked just as happy as he did when he told me stories about her. I started to read the letter.

“Quinn,

If you’re reading this then I am deeply sorry for missing our chat. When you see cancer take a life you know when it’s going to be your time. I must say I’m relieved. I can’t wait to see my dearest El again. I had the privilege of sharing our story with our kids, and their kids and now you.
As soon as you walked into treatment I could tell you were in love. Your face had that natural glow and they way you smiled at my stories just gave it away. Don’t hold back just because of your cancer. Experience as much as you can with this boy. I see so much of Ellie in you. I’ve been where this boy is. Feeling the love of your life wlip between your fingers is the worst possible feeling. I want you two to have a long life together.
My daughter saved her son’s cord blood for my next transplant. I was ready to pass, so I refused the transplant and I’m so thankful I did. I’m giving it to you. Cord blood has such high success rates; I really believe this will help you. I wish you and this mystery boy all the luck. Enjoy each others company and always love unconditionally.

Love your friend,
Carl x”