For You I'd Bleed Myself Dry

I woke up for the first time the next morning officially without cancer. I barely slept a wink that night, until Harry made his way back to my side of the bed in the middle of the night. There was just something about it, being in his arms, the beat of his heart, the warmth of his breath in the nook of my neck, it made everything okay. My mind stopped and nothing in that moment mattered. I was never the girly girl type, to fall head over heels like in fairytales, but Harry just made it easy.

I slid out from Harry’s warm grip and threw on his shirt from the night before. I quietly made my way down to the kitchen and started a much needed pot of coffee. I gathered ingredients to whip up some blueberry waffles, scrambled eggs, and cut up whatever fruit we had in the fridge. Almost on cue Harry was down the stairs and in his chair when breakfast was ready.

I sat across the table from him and couldn’t help but stare. I found myself getting lost in my thoughts. Sitting across from me was this amazing man, in this perfect house, and I was baffled as to what I did to deserve all this, but I wasn’t complaining. He was literally all I could ever ask for and more. Getting his parents to like me was definitely a necessity. They would be here in about six hours and unfortunately I was on my own for most of the day. Harry and the lads were recording all day. After I finished breakfast I scurried upstairs and changed into proper close for the Market. I needed to get food for tonight, clean up the house, cook, and get ready.

I decided on a roasted chicken and potatoes with a side of vegetables, Yorkshire pudding, salad, red and white wine, a tart, and rice pudding. I also picked out an array of cheeses, crackers and fruit for an appetizer. But I wasn’t trying too hard or anything.

Once I got back home it meant business. I started preparing the chicken, cutting up the fruit and veggies, and making the Yorkshire and rice pudding. While the chicken was in the oven I ran around the house making sure everything was clean and in it’s place. Harry told me not to worry about it but I couldn’t help it. I was meeting his family for the first time and I was utterly terrified. I could only imagine all the stuff Harry has told them about me being sick and everything he’s had to go through because of me. What if they didn’t like me? What would that mean for me and Harry?

While I continued with my tiny mental breakdown, I hopped into the shower and struggled to pick out the right outfit. I didn’t want to look to dressed up but I couldn’t look to casual. I had almost forgotten about hair until I looked into the mirror. It was so embarrassing. It was starting to grow back slowly, which made me resemble a twelve year old boy with a buzz cut. I made my way to the back of my closet and found the wig I had regrettably purchased. I put it on and all my insecurities came pouring in. I missed my long dark brown hair, more then I ever let on. It made me feel pretty, as stupid as it sounds, almost like when I was a little girl. Tonight was definitely not the night to be dealing with all this but I just felt so ugly. What if I didn’t turn Harry on anymore?
As hard as it was I shook those feelings for the night and the finished getting dressed. I chose my lacy white tank with my floral high waist skirt that got longer to the one side and just incase I needed to cover up I brought down a denim button up.
By the time I got to the kitchen my phone was aggressively vibrating against the counter.
“Hello?”

“Hey love, what are you doing?” I heard Harry’s voice on the other end.

“Just finishing up some stuff before tonight, are you almost home?” I asked while basting the chicken.

“Didn’t you get my message love?” he asked “I had to cancel with my parents because I have this promotional thing to go to tonight. I hope you didn’t go to too much trouble.”

To say that I was disappointed would have been an understatement. “Oh, uh- no. Not at all. It’s fine.” I hope he couldn’t tell I was lying.

“I’m going to be late tonight too, so don’t wait up. I’m really sorry love.” I could tell he was sincere.

“Okay. Be careful love and have fun.” I hung up the phone and threw it across the kitchen counter.

I looked at all the food I cooked, it all looked perfect. wasn’t in the mood to do anything with the food so I just left it alone and went upstairs. I changed into one of Harry’s shirts and underwear and slipped into bed.

Regrettably I reached for the laptop and was not only left alone with my thoughts, but also the opinions of thousands of fans who were convinced I was no good for Harry.